Ranma One Half: The Fanfiction
by Magnus17
Summary: [SI] Don't try writing like this at home. We're what you call [Autotyper 2000: STUPID!] experts, at dealing with actual anime characters! 32: [Autotyper 2000: Punching Bag] Magnus does battle with Super Sayan Vegeta . . . wow, that can't be fair . . .
1. Enter The Magnus!

**_Ranma ½_: The Fanfiction:**

**Enter the Magnus!:**

A boy sat in a spindly chair, spinning around quickly, watching the world race by, behind a small desk where a laptop lay. After a moment, he stopped, his face green. "Whoa, ugh, I don't think I'll do that anymore." He sat in the chair for a moment, resting his head on the desk, letting the nausea pass. Once he was feeling better, he sat up, and spun around in his chair. This time, stopping facing away from the desk, he stood up. Then he looked up towards the audience.

"Well, everybody, welcome. My name is Magnus 17, but you can just call me Magnus. I guess I'll be the first one to welcome you to _Ranma ½: The Fanfiction_, mainly because I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE!" He paused, taking a deep breath, and his voice quieting. "Ahem. Anyway, I might as well start with the disclaimer. Which is that I do not own _Ranma ½_, or any other story, movie, music, or thing that I don't own."

The boy was about average height, maybe an inch or two shorter than Ranma Saotome, with short black hair, his bangs swept to the left side of his face. He was American, seventeen years old, with pale skin. Wearing beat up old sneakers, a pair of khaki cargo pants, and a dark blue T-shirt with an embroidered logo reading "Late Night with Conan O'Brein," he looked like the general conception of an American boy.

"Now, I have some logistical, or something like that, thingys to take care of. One, anything in _italics, like this_, are thoughts. Just so you know. Two, . . . uh, . . . oh, um . . . okay, so I forgot number two. Anyway, time to go on with this story."

He waved his hands around, showing off a large white room made up of four-foot tiles. It contained two doors, each on the opposite side of each other in the room, a desk, a few shelves crammed with books and binders, and a red line from the bottom of the desk to the wall. "This is my uber-cool fanfic writing studio! I made it myself, including the software that runs it. Also here is my Autotyper 2000, and . . ."

(Autotyper 2000: That's me! )

"Yeah, yeah, we know. And then there's my computer assistant, N . . ." the boy suddenly broke down crying. "Oh, god, why did my assistant have to turn out to be evil and try and take over the world from my studio?! Why?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY???!!!!!!"

Realizing he was lying on the floor, Magnus hopped back up. "Anyway, as soon as they get here, we can actually start writing. But, of course, they're late."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door on the desk side. Magnus jumped up. "HOORAY! They're here!" He ran to the door, flinging it open. "Welcome, Ra . . ."

"Package for a Magnus 17!" a delivery man shouts, shoving a large box into Magnus's hands, and then leaves, shutting the door behind him.

Magnus stared for a moment, before sighing. "Guess I can't keep my hopes up." He placed the box on the counter, and walked back behind the desk. "Oh well." Then came another knock at the door.

"YESSS! That should be them!" Magnus ran back around the desk, and flung the door open. "Hello, Ak . . ."

"Hello, is this the barber shop?" asked a middle-aged man with unusually long hair.

Magnus sighed, shaking his head. "No, that's up one more floor, then second door on your right."

"Thanks." The man replied, before slamming the door.

Magnus walks back to his desk, dejected, before sitting on the top. "Well, they'll be here when they get here."

Suddenly, a knock came at the door. "That should be them." Magnus said, some enthusiasm gone, but a smile still there. He flung open the door. "Hello, . . ."

"Good morning, sir!" a small salesman said cheerily. "Can I interest you in some magazine sub . . ."

SLAM! Magnus threw himself against the now closed door. "God, that guy comes every single day!"

There was another knock. "Excuse me, sir, but the door seems to have closed. Sir? Sir?! . . . Hmm, he must have left." The sound of footsteps went down the hall, and disappeared.

Magnus slowly stood up. "Thank god that's over. Now if only they would get here." He returned to his desk and sat down. Suddenly, a knock came at the door. "Oooo, if it's that salesman again, . . ."

He ripped the door open. WHAM! "I DON'T WANT TO BUY . . . oh." Two shivering, soaking wet girls approximately sixteen years old stood behind the door. "Heh, sorry, wrong person. Let's start again." SLAM! WHAM! "WELCOME, Ranma and Akane!"

"Why the hell did ya slam the door on us?!"

"Oh, uh, sorry, there's this really annoying magazine salesman, and I thought you were . . . well, never mind about that. Come on in!"

The two girls stepped in, dripping wet, water sheeting off their clothes and onto the floor. "Jeeze, Magnus, this place took forever to find!" Akane said, squeezing the water out of her skirt.

"Eh, sorry. Can I get you anything?"

"Hot water would be a good start."

Magnus suddenly jumped across his desk, saying, "Oh, Ranma, this you got to see." Ignoring the blank stares as he picked himself up off the floor, Magnus started typing rapidly on his computer. There was the sound of keys typing as the boy began writing furiously on his laptop.

Ranma and Akane watched from the center of the room, when suddenly, the boy looked up. "Ranma, put out your hands." She did, both Akane and herself watching the writer carefully. "Ready?" Ranma nodded. "Are you sure?" Ranma nodded again. "Are you really sure?" Ranma nodded again, very enthusiastically. "Are you sure you're sure?"

"MAGNUS!" Ranma shouted. "Just freakin' do whatever the hell you wanted to do already!"

"Okay, okay, sorry!" Magnus replied, tapping some more keys. "Catch!"

Ranma stared for a moment, when a large kettle fell out of the sky and landed in her hands. "Whoa! That's cool!" Ranma voiced immediately.

"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" Magnus replied, beaming. "The only thing with kettles is the bottoms are really . . ."

"AAAAAAHHHH!!!" Ranma screamed, throwing the kettle up into the air, before it flipped and fell back down onto her head, knocking the girl to the ground.

". . . hot." Magnus muttered quietly. "Um, Akane? Is he still alive?"

Akane glanced down at the unconscious, scalded boy. "Yeah, he's still breathing. Is that good enough?"

"Yeah, that's good enough." Magnus replied, reaching over and grabbing something from the bookshelf. "Hmm, where should we start?" he muttered to himself.

There was a long pause.

"Uh, Magnus, what are we supposed to do now?" Akane asked, rolling the kettle away from the unconscious boy.

Magnus glanced up from his notebook. "Oh, right. Um, . . . I don't know. We kind of need Ranma to get the story started, so we cant record anything till he wakes up." He plopped down into his chair. "So, until then, we can't do much. If I had the time, I could re-adjust the world so that he wakes up now, but it's kind of dangerous for me to do that. I had an assistant who could do just about anything easily, but then she turned evil and tried to take over the world. So, I've kind of kept to doing simple changes."

"Changes?" Akane asked.

"Yeah, the whole room here is designed to change to fit up with the setting I want for the story. I can make costume changes, objects, settings, and people from my own imagination. Just not people like you."

Akane blinked. "What does that mean?"

"Eh, I just can't make a person perfectly like the characters from comics or anything. That's why I've invited all of you. That way, you're here to play your own parts, and nothing bursts into flames." Magnus sighed. "With one half-exception, every character I've made who's supposed to act like you, or Ranma, or any other character out there, has kind of been **more **insane."

"Eew." Akane grimaced, walking over to the desk.

Magnus sighed. "Oh god, you should have seen Kuno." Akane turned and stared at him. "Yeah, he was less coherent. I was sure he would sprout a second head and doing the chicken dance before that would happen."

"Kuno, **less** coherent?"

"Yeah, he actually was completely unintelligeble." Magnus shuddered.

Akane kept staring. "Was it really that bad?"

Magnus shuddered again. "I don't think I've ever been more scared and not run away screaming."

"Oh."

There was another long pause.

Magnus sighed. "Well, I'm hungry. Want something to eat?"

"Sure. What do you have?"

"A fully stocked break room." Magnus stood up, walking to the other door. "Just tell me what you want, and I'll see what I can get."

"Just something to drink would be fine."

"Like juice, soda, water, what?"

"I don't know. Juice." Akane replied, sliding up to sit on the edge of the desk, crossing her legs. Magnus nodded, opening the door, and disappearing inside.

Akane glanced around the room. There wasn't much here. The walls were the only really unusual part, being large white tiles, like the hologram rooms from all those science fiction shows. Was it really possible to change things here? Sure, she had seen the kettle appear, but that was just one thing. And what was the whole point of them being here? Was there one?

(Autotyper 2000: No, not really. )

The door swung open, and the black haired boy returned, carrying two cans and a wrapped package, before walking to the desk and sitting down next to the Japanese girl. "Well, here you go." He said, handing her a can of apple juice. Placing his own can of cola on the desk, he opened the package, revealing a sandwich. "Want half?"

The girl glanced down at the sandwich. "What is it?"

"Salami and cheese on white bread."

Akane thought for a moment. "Sure." The boy took a half of the sandwich, handing it to her, before taking the second half for himself.

There was a gurgling noise from the floor, as Ranma slowly roused from his bout with unconsciousness. After a moment, he sat up, glancing around and rubbing his head.

"Oh, Ranma, you're awake. That's good." Magnus glanced at his watch. "We might not get to started today, even if we run long, but there's always tomorrow."

"What happened?" Ranma asked, still rubbing his head, and slowly rising to his feet.

"You threw the kettle in the air, which landed onto your head and knocked you out." Magnus replied without pausing. "Feeling better?"

"No." Ranma replied. He then looked up, as Magnus took a bite of his sandwich. "Where's the food?"

Akane rolled her eyes. "He's fine."

"What do you want?" Magnus asked.

"Anythin', I'm starving!"

"It's your own fault for sleeping in and skipping breakfast!" Akane shot back.

Magnus glanced at her, then back to Ranma. "You missed breakfast, huh? Well, that gives me an idea."

He slid off the desk, walking around the desk to the computer. Starting to type, he glanced up at them, noticing Akane watching curiously, and Ranma covering his head. "Don't worry, Ranma, we're scene changing. Nothing's going to fall from the sky."

"Scene changin'?" He asked, keeping his arms up.

Magnus nodded, continuing to type. "It's when we change the appearance of the room to fit the kind of scene we need. We can go anywhere, do anything, make anything we want with this. The room may look small, but we can make it miles long and as high as the bottom of the Grand Canyon in the US to the moon."

Akane slid off the desk, looking around. "Were are we going?"

"Breakfast." Magnus replied calmly, smiling, before smacking the "Enter" key.

There was a sudden shift, as the still air began to move like a faint breeze from one side of the room to the other. All the white tiles slowly shifted to black, the darkness flowing like a wave from one side of the room to another, every conceivable shade of gray melding through each one as they shifted. Slowly, the black turned to colors, and the floor began to shift, pushing Akane and Ranma up several feet, as it turned to a tan floor, stretching around them. The breeze was shown to be coming from two large opening of tall, slider doors, both coming from outside, one being the inlet and the other the outlet of the wind. A roof formed overhead, and solidified into a familiar ceiling. All forms of drawers, knickknacks, and objects beyond familiar began to rise out of the floor, molding and coloring themselves perfectly.

And then, the two teens found themselves standing in the middle of the Tendo Dojo living room.

"Wow." was Ranma's muttered reply.

Akane was glancing around. "Magnus, is this really the Dojo?" She turned back to where the desk was. It had vanished, replaced by the open space of the room. In fact, the old details of the original room were gone. The doors did not line up with anything, the desk was missing, and that odd red line was gone. And her juice. It was all gone. "Magnus! Where are you?!"

"Be there in a sec." A voice said, as if over an intercom.

There was then silence, except for the normal sounds of the day at the Tendo Dojo. Birds chirped, a car rolled gently by outside, a pair of walkers strolled gently around the sidewalk. _It's kinda nice to be here without anybody else._ Ranma thought quietly, before shaking that thought from his mind.

Suddenly, Magnus slid through one of the walls, walking into the room, carrying a pair of necklaces that were more like simple chains, less than a millimeter thick, made in a soft silver color of tiny links. "Hey, how's it look?"

Akane blinked. "You . . . just went through the wall?!"

Magnus glanced back, then turned to her. "Oh yeah, because of these." He said quietly, handing each of them a necklace. "It let's you separate from scene changes, if you need to go to the bathroom or something, without having to shut it down. Most stuff you can just walk through, unless I tell the computer to keep you from doing that. Usually that means you can stand on the floor or something, but if there's something you need to move off set, we can do that too."

Ranma stared at him. "Okay." He slid it onto his neck, and then went waving his hands through the wall, smiling as he began to slip through it.

(Autotyper 2000: Wow, Magnus, that was a perfectly prepared explanation that went into far too much detail that could possibly give plot ideas for the rest of this story and explain stuff that happens for no reason . . . I think.)

Akane put it on, and saw something else. The wall he had just come through seemed a bit transparent. Beyond it, she saw the desk, and that peculiar red line. "Wow."

(Autotyper 2000: Wow, Magnus, you're really making a lot of sense now. And you've had everyone say "Wow" a lot.)

Akane began to look around the room again. "Hey, what's that doing there?!" she shouted, pointing at the large, colorful Mexican piñata sitting in the corner.

"Oh, heh," the boy replied, scratching his head, "I was going to test the idea that the Tendo Dojo is really a space alien and can regenerate itself perfectly when smashed to pieces. I needed a piñata to make sure the smashing physics were working well. Oh, and they're fun too."

Akane glanced at that. "Is that what caused the house to fix itself?"

"Nah." Magnus replied, shuffling his feet. "It's more like the theory involving the rubber chickens and the pizza crusts. But I did find a secret stash of . . ."

"You better not have been touching my secret stash!" Akane suddenly blurted out.

Magnus blinked at her. "You have a secret stash of ancient European gold coins hidden under those floorboards, right over there?!" he shouted, pointing to a random spot of the floor where a table usually sits.

Akane glanced, before her face suddenly flushed red, and she turned away, walking towards the piñata. "Never mind."

Magnus stared for a moment, Akane grabbed the colorful cardboard party toy, and Ranma was still gleefully sliding **through** walls. The American boy shook his head, sighing. _Oh well, it's not important. _Suddenly, a though occurred. "Ohmygod! I forgot to get the food!" He rushed through the wall, and slid into the seat at his desk.

Akane and Ranma returned to the center of the room, Akane a bit further towards the kitchen. The voice-intercom came back, and it was Magnus again. "Okay, take off those necklaces, because it will take too long for me to program the table and food to work without them."

The two did as they were told, before glancing around. "What do we do with them?" Akane asked.

"Eh, just . . .toss them in your pockets or something. As long as you aren't wearing them, things will work." The two teens shrugged, and placed them into their pockets. There was a series of clicks over the intercom, like keys typing or something, before there was one loud click above the others. "There you go!"

Nothing happened.

"Uh, Magnus?" Ranma began, before his stomach growled. "It didn't work."

There was a flurry of shuffling over the intercom, before the voice returned. "Damn, the computer's running slow again. If that stupid dial-up Internet would just download my Naruto AMV faster, the thing wouldn't be doing two things at once!" his voice turned to mumbling for a moment. "I should have known that it wouldn't work right when the scene took so long to change."

(Autotyper 2000: You should have, but you didn't! )

"Shut up!" Magnus shouted.

"We didn't say anything!" Akane shouted back.

"Not you, the stupid memos the Autotyper 2000 keeps giving me!" there was the sound of shuffling. "I got to figure out how to turn those off."

(Autotyper 2000: Ha! You can't! It was her last action before you sealed her program away!)

There was a pause over the intercom. "Oh god! Why did my assistant have to turn evil?! Why?! WHY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!"

There was another long pause. "Uh, Magnus? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He replied, suddenly calm again. "Oh, looks like it's almost assembled. Just a couple more seconds, and the food will be there."

Ranma took a couple of expectant steps forward. "Where is it?"

Akane glanced at his placement, before pausing to think. "Hey, Ranma, aren't you standing . . ."

WHAM!

". . . where the table usually is?" Akane finished dryly, seeing as there was no point anymore. Ranma was smushed under the table, now laden with food, bowls, and a small vase for a centerpiece. And he had forgotten to cover his head again.

Magnus suddenly slipped through the wall. "Jeese, Ranma, I'm sorry. You okay?"

"Magnus." Ranma began, his eyes and voice labored and confused. "Goin' you pay are to for this!" Then, he collapsed, unconscious again.

There was a long pause.

"Uh, Magnus?" Akane asked. "Did you plan that?"

Magnus shook his head. "No, but I wish I did. It would have been really funny." He glanced at the clock on the wall. "Well, I guess that's it for today."

"So, to all you reviewers and readers out there, this is the end of the first chapter of _Ranma ½: The Fanficiton_!" He shouted, turning to the audience. "Coming soon is the next chapter!"

"What was that package for? Will Ranma get his revenge? Will anything get done? What other secrets does this studio hide? What really happened to Magnus's assistant? Will there really be a plot to this story? Does Akane have a secret stash in the Tendo household?"

"I do not have a secret stash of anything!" Akane suddenly screamed, bright red again.

"What about the rest of the characters? And what about the fanficiton we are supposed to write?" Magnus suddenly paused, thinking about that. "Wow, I should definitely figure that one out. Anyway," he said, turning back to the audience, "all that and more, or maybe less, might be answered in the future! So, until next time, from the transvestite, the tomboy, and I, keep writing!"

SMASH! "I am not a tomboy!" Akane screamed.

Magnus brushed the bits of glass out of his hair from where the vase hit him in the back of the head. "Akane, remind me to never insult you ever again." Then, he collapsed onto the floor, joining Ranma in unconsciousness.


	2. Slackers

**Slackers:**

"Ranma! Just say it already!" Magnus shouted, shaking his fist at him from the other side of the white room.

"What was it?" The boy asked, as Akane opened the door from the break room, wearing her normal white martial arts gi, and walking in slowly.

"Just say that Magnus 17 doesn't own _Ranma ½ _or anything else he talks about or mentions that isn't his!"

Ranma paused. "Why don't you say it?"

"Because," Magnus began, aggravated, "I have something else I need to talk about to the readers!"

"But, didn't you just say it?"

There was a long pause.

Magnus shook his fist at Ranma again.

After a moment, however, he calmed down again. "Well, anyways, I have a public service announcement for all you readers out there about this story."

(Autotyper 2000: Public Service Announcements! YAY!)

"It has come to my attention that many of you readers out there dislike certain types of fanfics. One in particular is WAFFLy fics." Magnus smiled, nodding to the audience. "Well, I'm here to say that this will not be a WAFFLy fic."

"Waffles, like all breakfast foods, have one place in the world: breakfast. Ooo, and possibly dinner with bacon or sausage. But that's not the point. Since waffles, like most breakfast foods, are not a central part of this fanfic, I will assure you that there will be almost no waffles at all. An extreme absence of them, in fact."

(Autotyper 2000: He likes French toast better.)

Akane walked over to the computer, typing a few things, as Magnus continued. "So, unless breakfast is an integral part of this story, I can assure you this will **not**, under any circumstances, be a WAFFLy fic."

Akane glanced up at him. "Uh, Magnus, you might want to look at this."

The boy looked over, before nodding. "Yeah, sure." Jogging to the girl, he slid around the desk, and stopped at the computer. "What's up?"

"Read this." Akane replied, pointing at the screen.

"Okay." Magnus replied, before beginning to read. "It's WAFFLy, Akane. W A F F y. . . . WHAT?! It's WAFFy?! What the hell does that mean?!" After a moment of fumbling with the keyboard, and only finding WAFFy, he started to shake his fist at the computer screen. "Stupid Internet, making me look like an idiot again!"

After a moment, he sighed. "All right, you know what, forget it. Ranma, get over here, off scene! Akane, let me see your hands." Fumbling around on the desk, he found a small bowl full of orange crackers. Grabbing a handful, he shoved them into his mouth.

Ranma jogged over the red line, into the safe zone, and plopped into a chair against the back wall. Akane turned her back to Magnus, before reaching her hands behind her, which he bound with a plastic tie. After checking to make sure it was tight, Akane was sent back out into the other side of the red line, in the middle of the white tile room. Magnus sat on the spindly chair again, sliding up to the computer. Chewing loudly for a few seconds more, he swallowed, sighing. "Thank goodness for Goldfish crackers. I mean, uh . . ."

(Autotyper 2000: Cheese flavored baked crackers formed in the shape of a specific form of aquatic life?)

Magnus glanced at the screen. "Uh, right, the name that doesn't break copyright laws."

"So, Akane's tied up and kidnapped. What else is new for that tomboy?" Ranma observed loudly, before Magnus and Akane turned back to him.

Akane was content to glare, but Magnus wasn't. "Shut it, Ranma, before I not only don't give you any Naniichuan when the whole things done, but I put in a long kissing scene."

Ranma was immediately quiet. _I need that Naniichuan!_

(Autotyper 2000: For those of you out there who forgot, Naniichuan is "Spring of Drowned Man," which can be made, along with all other forms of springwater from Jusenkyo, using the studio here!)

Akane was staring at them, blushing, before turning and walking back into the room. "All right, Akane, here we go." Magnus said loudly, before the tiles shifted again. The room morphed, much quicker since there were no more Naruto AMVs to download, into an ordinary street in residential Tokyo. The boy was about to load up another program, when Akane noticed something else.

"Uh, Magnus? I can still see you two."

Magnus looked up, also noticing the whole scene was a bit transparent. Looking down at his computer, a large warning message appeared. "DOOR OPEN!" it said, before Magnus glanced back up again. "Oh, that's it!" he shouted, pointing to the other side of the scene, where the door to the break room was open.

The boy hopped up, slamming the door closed, and walking through the scenery and back into the writing side. "You two have to remember to shut the doors. Most of the scenery and AIs won't work if the doors are open. Or when somebody's onstage wearing a necklace or something."

"AIs?" Ranma asked.

"Yeah, characters I made up to make the stories work, like villains and people and thugs and junk like that. Pretty simple stuff." Magnus began typing again, before another person appeared next to Akane, standing on the sidewalk with her. He was a half-head taller than Ranma, with a scruffy face, cheap black suit, and short, died-blond hair. "Akane? Are you ready?"

"Yes, I'm ready." The girl replied, glaring up at the man.

"All right, once I start it running, just go with the story. Ready?" Akane nodded again. "Then, here we go!" he shouted, before punctuating that sentence by jamming his thumb into the enter key.

"So, not so tough now without your boyfriend, are ya?" The man asked, a smug smile on his face, as he grabbed Akane roughly by the arm.

Akane glared more furiously. "I don't need Ranma to protect me!" she shouted, before twisting violently to wrench her arm free of the man. Stepping back, she swung her foot up, kicking the man in the chest, knocking him back into the wall.

"You know, Magnus, Akane couldn't really do that." Ranma observed.

"Quiet you!" Magnus muttered back angrily, pointing at the boy, before returning to the computer.

The man smashed against the wall, his feet slightly slipped out from under him, before he glared at the girl who had hit him. "Ooo, you're gonna' pay for that, girl!" the man shouted, before standing up solidly, and preparing to charge the girl. Akane glared back daggers, sliding her feet apart into a fighting stance, even with her arms secured behind her back.

WHAM! "Now where am I?!" Ryoga shouted, throwing the door open, which happened to swing around and slam the man into the wall, sandwiching him against it.

"Ryoga?" Akane asked, as the world lost a lot of its solidity.

Magnus hopped over the desk, running to the lost boy. "Hey, Ryoga. Nicetoseeyoubutwegotworktodosogointohere!" Magnus shouted quickly, dragging the boy across the room and sending him into the break room. "Havewhateveryouwantokay?!" he shouted again, before slamming the door.

Taking a deep breath, the writer sighed. "God, he was supposed to be here an hour ago." He slowly walked back around the desk to his seat. "All right, Akane, when you're ready, just close the door again." Akane nodded, then swung the door shut with her foot.

There was a pause, before everything in the room re-solidified, and the program began running again. The man reached up, and rubbed some spit from his mouth. "Your kicks ain't nothing, girl, so you might as well give it up now b'fore I hurt you!"

Akane glared at him, gritting her teeth, before lifting her kneed up to strike.

WHAM! "ARIEN!" Shampoo shouted, running up and leaping over the desk, diving over and landing on top of a very surprised Ranma, who had not been able to move aside in time. The girl glomped on immediately.

"Hey, hey, come on, Shampoo, let me go." Ranma said quietly, trying to slip out from her arms, which was, of course, impossible.

Akane's face began to boil. "Ranma!" she muttered, pulling at her arms, when the restraint snapped. "Why I ottah . . ." she began, pulling a mallet from . . . uh, somewhere, and charging at them. Magnus, for better or worse, jumped in her way. "Magnus!"

"A-Akane," the boy began nervously, especially to the background noise of Shampoo purring and nuzzling against Ranma, "let's be a b-bit civil about this, and simply . . . separate them. When we're done with the scene, you can pound Ranma to dust, but not till then." Ranma, finally, splitting himself from the girl, snapped over another chair, and forced the girl into the first one. The boy handed Akane another plastic cuff. "Let's finish this first, so we get something done, m'kay?"

Akane glowered, but nodded, since they were apart, before walking back to Ranma and telling him to get the cuffs on her, unfortunately for him, to Shampoo's delight. Once they were on, Akane back kicked Ranma into the wall, and walked back in front of the desk.

Magnus, meanwhile, had gone and shut the door, and was doing a check on the AI. "Hey, you okay?"

The man nodded slurridly, staggering a bit. "Yes, mommy, I can go to school today. But only if I get my very special goodbye cookie!"

Magnus turned back to the other three. "He's good." He muttered quietly.

WHAM! "SHAMPOO! MY LOVE!" Mousse shouted, flinging the door onto the man, before running forward and grabbing his one true love. Strangely, she struggled and slipped free from his grasp.

"Why can't you wear you stupid glasses?!" Magnus shouted, before swinging a punch at the man's gut. WHACK! "GAAAAAHHH!" he shouted, as his hand impacted thick metal. "Jeeze, Mousse, what do you have in there? A steel plate?"

Mousse flicked his glasses down. "Three, actually." He replied, before tossing Magnus aside as he realized his true love was across the room.

Magnus, lifting himself off the floor, saw only chaos. Mousse was attacking Ranma, who was now re-glomped by Shampoo, while Akane began smashing anything he landed on with her mallet, before several chains from Mousse imbedded into it as well. And then, Ryoga, hearing the noise, exited from the break room again. _This can't get any worse. _The writer thought slowly, slamming the door. The man collapsed to the ground in a heap, unconscious. _Scratch that, it just got worse._

WHAM! The door swung open, and was about to be shouted through, when it bounced off the collapsed man's shoulder, and closed again with a loud SLAM! There was a pause, when the door was re-opened slowly, a girl standing behind it, rubbing her nose where the door had closed on it. "Sheesh, is this really the place?" she asked.

Magnus suddenly froze, before turning his gaze to the doorway. There was then a bright sheen over them, as all sanity was gone. Suddenly, he raced to the door, before bowing deeply. "Kuonji-sama!" he shouted, before leaning up. "I am **so** glad you could make it to my studio to help out! Thank you so much!"

Ukyo blinked, before taking a good look at the boy. "Uh, you're . . . Magnus 17, right? The one who called?"

Magnus laughed a bit too enthusiastically, rubbing the back of his head. "Heh, oh, you don't have to be so formal with me. You can just call me Magnus if you want. And yes, I was the one who called. Thanks again for coming down."

"Oh, that's not a problem, I was free today anyway." She said calmly. "And you can just call me Ukyo."

As his eyes switched from glazed over to giant pink hearts, Magnus nodded dumbly. "O-okay, Ukyo." He said gleefully. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

SMASH! Ukyo peered around the boy, noticing the large fight going on. "Um, could you excuse me for a second, hon'. I need to take care of something."

Magnus nodded, hopping out of your way. "Oh, no problem. Make yourself at home, or anything you want."

Ukyo nodded, smiling. "Thanks, sugar." She replied, before drawing her giant battle spatula. "You get away from Ranma, you hussy!" the girl screamed, charging into the fray.

_She . . . called . . . me . . . sugar!!!!!_ Magnus thought, before his eyes rolled back and he fell to the ground. Fortunately, he smashed his head on the desk, which kept him from falling unconscious, and snapping him out of his daze. "Uh, whoa, got to calm down. No need to think about stuff like that right now." Slowly, he stood up, before noticing the fight. He sighed, before closing the door.

"All right, everyone, let's just settle down a bit." Magnus began quietly, trying to break them up from a distance. "Hey, come on, guys, just calm down!" he shouted gently. When nobody noticed him, it was time to let loose. "HEY STUPIDS!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, before tacking "And Ukyo!" on afterwards. At the scream, everyone stopped, frozen in various stages of killing each other.

"Since it's obvious we're not going to get anything done before the chapter has to end, why don't we go into the break room, and I can tell you all what we're doing here." Magnus continued angrily. Nobody moved. "NOW!" he screamed, pointing at the door.

Everyone, most likely from fear, raced into the next room, as Magnus began to glower more. Once everyone was inside, he walked over to the computer, tapping out some commands, and the world reverted back to its normal white panels. He then returned and entered the break room.

The door closed, and the room was silent for a while. Suddenly, an ominous laugh arose. "MWAH HA HA HA HA!"

Magnus suddenly flung the door open. "Okay, what was that?!" he shouted, before peering around the room. There was nothing. Sighing, he closed the door again.

After a moment, the voice returned. "MWAH HA HA HA HA!"

WHAM! "Okay, I know I heard something!" Magnus shouted, before walking out into the room. He walked around, examining everything, checking the doors, under the desk, the bookracks, the computer screen, for anything unusual. Checking the hall outside, there was nothing at all. Sighing, he returned to the room, before glaring evilly at everything in the studio from the doorway, trying to spook anything he may have missed. Then, the door closed.

There was a long pause. "Mwah ha ha." A muted voice began. Nothing. Seeing as it was safe, the evil laugh began again, although much quieter. "Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Magnus, you are doomed now!"


	3. The Nabtrix

**The Nabtrix!:**

"Okay, does everyone get it now?!" Magnus replied angrily, walking back out of the break room, followed by a group of six other Japanese teens: Ranma, Akane, Ryoga, Shampoo, Mousse, and of course, UKYO!

(Autotyper 2000: Stupid word processor doesn't have the heart symbol! . . . Oh, yeah, I guess it's my turn to say that Magnus 17 doesn't own _Ranma ½_, or any other series, music, or things he references that isn't his. But, that's obvious. He's a poor, boring loser.)

"Yeah, yeah, we get it." Akane replied, shuffling slowly into the room.

KNOCK KNOCK! The sounds came from the door. Magnus, glancing around the room, and remembering that he hadn't ordered take out, guessed it might be some more cast. Walking up, he opened the door. "Hello?"

"Good day, sir!" A man said when the door opened. "Might I interest you in some magazine sub . . ."

SLAM! BAM! The second sound, following the closing of the door, was Magnus throwing his body against it to keep it from opening ever again.

"Sir?" The man's voice called. "Sir? Are you still there? . . . Guess not." Slowly, there were footsteps down the hall. Once they faded completely, Magnus sighed, letting himself off the door.

"God I can't stand that guy." Magnus muttered, ignoring the blank stares from the rest of the group. "I really need to get one of those little peep thingys that they have in hotel doors."

KNOCK KNOCK! Magnus spun around, leaning against the door. "Oh, if he's back again . . ." Easing the door open slowly, a hand grabbed the frame and forced it open.

"Please, tell me we're where we need to be for a change!" A girl's voice shouted.

Magnus's eyes, realizing that it wasn't who he thought it was, lit up immediately, as he opened the door and motioned for the two girls, soaking wet from another rainstorm, inside. "Nabiki, glad you could make it! And yes, this is the right spot!"

Nabiki walked in, glaring at the boy, followed quickly by the second girl, whom Magnus didn't recognize, both flicking their hair out of their faces, trying to squeeze out whatever water they could. "Magnus, I can't believe you made this place so hard to find. You are going to owe me for the four **hours **I spent walking here with him!"

"Him?" Magnus asked, before taking a good look at the girl/boy Nabiki had arrived with. He had long, black hair, but he was dressed like a girl. "Who is he?"

"You don't know?!" Nabiki shouted, before anyone else could talk. She was obviously very aggravated with everything right now. "You invited him!"

"Oh, wait a second!" Magnus shouted, snapping his finger. "I remember! He's . . . oh, . . . um, he's . . . he's . . . . err, I know this . . . he is . . . . aw, it's on the tip of my tongue . . . ooo! . . . no, wait, he's not tall enough . . . oh! I got it . . . that's . . . . . . I forgot."

"It's Konatsu, you idiot!"

"Oh! Right! Konatsu! . . . who is he again?" Magnus asked sheepishly.

Ranma glared at him. "You're kiddin', right? After all, he is in one of your stories, ain't he?"

"Oh, like I'll know every character from the rest of the books I don't own by heart. Sheesh, talk about demanding actors." Magnus replied, walking around his desk, and taking a seat. "Well, Konatsu, its nice to meet you anyway, and I'm glad you can make it here."

Konatsu, completely confused, simply nodded.

Magnus smiled, before it faded as he realized something. "Oh, crud, now I have to explain **everything **again!"

Before anyone could respond, there was a change on the computer screen in front of Magnus. "Hey there, Magnus. Remember me?"

Shocked at the new voice, the boy leaned in, looking at the screen. There, on top of every other thing on the monitor, was a girl, with neck length brown hair, a cute face, deep brown eyes, and a one piece body suit that looked like a science fiction space suit, which did wonders for accentuating her features.

"Cortana?" Magnus guessed, having had a bad enough day of names. "I thought your program couldn't start itself up without being in the scene."

(Autotyper 2000: For those of you who don't play video games, Cortana is an AI character from _Halo_, a science fiction first-person shooter for Xbox.)

"Wait a second!" Magnus shouted, noticing the change in text underneath the girl. "Autotyper 2000! Dammit, don't tell me you're messing with my programs **again**!"

(Autotyper 2000: It wasn't me!)

The girl shook her head slowly, smirking. "Nope, wrong answer, Magnus. Think hard."

"Uh, this is going to take a while." Mousse said quietly, remembering the boy's tirade about trying to figure out Konatsu's name.

Magnus, however, ignored them, peering closely at the screen. "You seem very familiar." He said slowly, as Akane ventured around the desk to peer at what was going on, followed by Nabiki and Ryoga.

Ryoga was the first to notice the similarities. "Wow, she looks just like Nabiki." There was a nod of approval from Nabiki and Akane.

The author's eyes exploded. "Oh, god no." He began quietly, which the girl on the screen nodded to, smirking evilly. "Aw, come on, not today! I had a good plan for today!"

"You did?" Ranma asked, walking over to peer at the computer spectacle. "What was it?"

Magnus irked, then glared at Ranma. "Fine, I didn't have a plan at all! But, but . . . that doesn't mean I want to deal with this now!"

"Too bad." The girl chirped, when a small message box appeared, a working bar sliding across, approaching 100 in seconds.

"Who is it?" Akane asked, as Magnus realized what was going on. The bar reached one hundred percent. Magnus's eyes exploded in size again.

"IT'S NABS!" Magnus screamed, as two giant robots soon occupied the far side of the room, which was back in its white tile form. "AUTOTYPER! Activate emergency plan 35G!"

(Autotyper 2000: Roger!)

Magnus jumped out of his chair, rolling over the top of the desk, before landing gently on the other side on his desk feet first. "EVERYBODY DOWN!" the boy screamed, which the martial artists and Nabiki immediately did, dropping to the floor.

Magnus, after dropping to a crouch, focused his eyes and prepared to take a new load. A large, futuristic cannon of some sort fell from the sky and landed on his shoulder. Grabbing the large lever in front of his face, he pointed it at one of the robots, just as it began to activate, pulled the lever back, before releasing it to swing into place with a SCHNAP! "One down!" he shouted, pulling the trigger.

BLOUGH! A giant white blob shot out, coating the robot and slamming it into the wall. Turning, Magnus faced the other android, before pulling back the lever, and releasing it. "TWO DOWN!" He shouted again. BLOUGH! Went the cannon again, as the large gooey substance covered the second android, and plastered him to the wall.

"Oh, marshmallows again, Magnus? How un-origional." The girl on the screen began, before winking out. The voice, however, persisted. "This is no longer a problem for me."

"Oops. I forgot to mention, these aren't my old marshmallow bullets anymore." Magnus replied, pressing a small button just above the trigger with his thumb.

BOOM!

BOOM!

The two robots exploded, vaporizing completely except for two large scorch marks and a bunch of flying springs and bolts. "I added some gunpowder to the mix. Just for fun."

"Tsk tsk tsk." Nabs began. "Too bad, though, because this time I won't lose."

Magnus threw the cannon aside, dashing over the rest of the martial artists, who began to pick themselves up, looking up at the boy. He was back at his computer. "Trying to bring in twenty more at once, Nabs? How very sloppy of you." Magnus retorted, before typing on his computer. "That will take a **long time **to start up, especially when I have more of the processing power in use than you." Ten new screens popped up, and all of them began downloading random AMVs from across the Internet.

There was an angry growl from the girl, before the voice faded away.

(Autotyper 2000: Thank you, extremely slow dial-up Internet!)

Magnus sighed, before flopping back into his chair. "God, this is bad." Magnus muttered, resting his head in his hands.

"Okay, Magnus, now you really need to explain things." Nabiki quipped, standing up and walking up to him. "Are you going to start yourself, or should I call a lawyer to sue you first?"

Magnus glanced fearfully at the girl, and realizing she was serious, nodded. "Yeah, I can explain. When I started setting this place up, I thought it would be good to have a second assistant to help out with it. I had already bought the Autotyper 2000 from a computer store down the road, so I tried to program my own AI to help out too."

The rest of the group got up, and approached the boy as he continued. "So, I picked the most logical person I knew, which was you, Nabiki, and then made an assistant with your personality. It was good, since she could do all the most complicated changes, like healing and stuff, but then she sort of turned evil, tried to take over the world, and then I had to lock her away in the computer. So, now I got to do that again, I guess. If only I had had the time to fix her programming."

Nabiki leaned over to Magnus. "You owe me so much for this. Just so you know."

Magnus suddenly realized something. "HA!" Magnus shouted, sliding back and pointing at her. "NO I DON'T! DISCLAIMERS! I HAVE DISCLAIMERS! I don't owe anything! HA!"

After a long pause, Akane spoke up. "Well, um, what if we just shut the computer off?'

Magnus turned to her, paralyzed in fear. "We can't just **shut it off**. She'll just come back when I turn it back on!" His face turned paler. "And I have the next chapter of _Youth of the Nation _on there. And I **have **to put that up this week, or the reviewers are coming after me!"

"Okay." Ranma said slowly. "So, what do we do then?"

Magnus paused, thinking it over. Suddenly, he jumped up. "I got it! I can just get some help!' Glancing at the computer screen, he nodded, and ran for the door. "I have thirty minutes to find a array of powerful martial artists! Got to hurry!" he grabbed the door, throwing it open.

"MAGNUS!" Ranma shouted, causing the boy to stop. "What about us?!"

Magnus blinked, before tilting his head. "Oh! Of course! You guys ought to know some powerful martial artists!" he let go of the door. "So, who should I go get?!"

"I meant we'll help ya!" Ranma shouted.

"Oh." Magnus said quietly. "OH! Okay, yeah, I guess that works."

"You guess?" Ryoga shouted.

"I mean, I know!" Magnus shouted, running back to his desk. He glanced down at his watch. "Hey, look, the chapter's over!" he turned to the audience. "Well, we'll see you all next time!"

"Wait a second!" Ranma shouted. "We're just going to stop?!"

Magnus nodded. "Yeah, I have to. We didn't decide to extend this chapter. So we need to stop, because if we keep going, we'll just get cut off in the middle of


	4. The Nabtrix: Reconstituted!

**The Nabtrix: Reconstituted!:**

"Okay, there isn't much time till she comes back online!" Magnus said to the group of martial artists, and Nabiki, standing back on the scene change of the world. "Everyone have a necklace on?!" There was a simultaneous head nod from everyone. "Good. I almost have the boosters up. Take these! They'll let us communicate without interference from Nabs!"

A pair of earphone walkie-talkies fell from the ceiling for each person, landing on their heads. "MAGNUS!" Ranma shouted. "Does everything have to fall from the sky?!"

"YES!" Magnus shouted back. "That's the rule . . . somehow! Now put those on, and turn them on, so we can make sure we stay in contact!" Magnus barked, before grabbing one that had landed on the desk for himself, putting it on, and activating it. "Okay, I have some special powers for all of you."

"Ranma! Ryoga!" he shouted, causing both boys to straighten up. "Fifty times strength, and metal gauntlets to protect your hands!" Two pairs of gauntlets came down, both crashing onto their heads with a loud THUNK! Magnus turned to Akane as they put them on.

"Okay, Akane!" Akane glanced above herself. "Ten times strength, ten times speed, and the ultra mallet!" A giant mallet, about as big as four of her ordinary mallets put together, dropped out of the sky, and into her hands. It was light as a feather, though. The girl looked up, and nodded.

"All right, Sham" BOOM! "WHAT WAS THAT?!" Magnus shouted, turning back to Ranma, and noting a giant hole in the wall, with Ryoga missing.

"I, uh, wanted to make sure the strength thing worked." Ranma said quietly.

"So hit Ryoga through the wall?!" Magnus shouted, before swinging and pointing at the hole. "Go get him! NOW!" Ranma took off running.

"Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyo!" Magnus began, typing with renewed fury. "I'm giving you each personal shields."

"What, you don't think we can fight on our own?!" Akane shouted defensively.

Magnus shook his head, pressing the enter key. "I don't want you to kill each other!" There was a loud BWING! as they were each surrounded by a small blue light for a moment, which then faded.

"Shampoo and Ukyo!" Magnus shouted, backing up to where he was before. "Shampoo, you get a ultra sharp sword, and Ukyo, I just sharpened your battle spatula! Oh, and times ten speed, too."

"Mousse!" Magnus shouted again. "I got you a bunch of stuff, since I couldn't think of anything. So, catch!" he shouted, slamming down the enter key.

WHUMP! Mousse, being crushed by a ton of weapons and random things, disappeared under the ten-foot tall and twenty-foot wide pile. "Oh, Mousse, just hurry up and put whatever you can get into your robes like you always do!" He turned to the next one. "Konatsu! I got some exploding kunai for you! Just be careful with them." A large bag of throwing knives landed in front of the male kunoichi, who picked them up and examined a couple.

Magnus turned to the last person, Nabiki. "All right, Nabiki, I'm going to . . ." One of the kunai was tossed into the wall behind Magnus.

BOOM! "GAAAAAHHH! KONATSU!" Magnus screamed, covering his computer to protect it from falling rubble. "I said be careful!"

"Sorry." The ninja replied.

Magnus glared, but turned back to Nabiki. "All right, Nabiki, I'm going to give you my marshmallow cannon." The large weapon dropped out of the sky, and latched onto her shoulder. Trying to stay balanced, she grabbed on, and steadied herself as Magnus continued. "All you have to do is pull the lever back, then pull the trigger, then press the little green button. Oh, and be careful where you shoot, too!"

"We're back!" Ranma shouted, dragging Ryoga through the hole in the wall. Magnus immediately began typing on his computer, and the wall repaired itself.

"Okay, good." Magnus replied, before turning up to check the crowd. Noticing a large absence, he asked out loud. "Mousse, what happened to all the stuff?"

Mousse glanced at him. "What do you think?"

"You got all of that in your robes?!"

Mousse nodded.

"Oh, um, . . . okay! We're ready!" Magnus glanced down at the computer. "Twenty seconds till Nabs comes back online!"

The whole group tensed up. Magnus stared at the screen. "Fifteen seconds!" Magnus leaned in closer. "Ten seconds!" the group stood ready. "Five seconds!"

"Wait! I forgot to go to the bathroom!"

Magnus rolled back, glaring up. "Oh, come on! You're kidding me!"

SHOOMMMM! The group of twenty robots landed around the room. "Okay, I'll hold it!"

"ATTACK!" Magnus screamed.

BOOM! KABAM! POW! SMACK! SHING! CHINK! KABLAM! (Explosion noise)! (Expletive)! (A different expletive)! "YAAAAAAAAA!" BAM! SMASH! CRUNCH! (Battle cry)! (Random Noise)! BEEP! SMUSH! (Technique name)!

(Autotyper 2000: Battle . . . too complicated! . . . Cannot . . . describe . . . in three pages!)

(Expletive)! SLAM! WHAM! BANG! WHACK! SQUISH! (Scream)! (Musical Interlude)! SHOOMMMM! KRICK! (That really weird sound when someone powers up)! MASH! POUND! (Giant peace sign)! (Technique name)! (Crickets, somehow)! (More expletives)! KLICKETY-KLICKETY-KLICKETY! "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" (Random noise)!

(Autotyper 2000: Thesa . . . thesaurus . . . programs . . . dying!)

Magnus continued to type furiously on his computer as the battle raged on. A whole new series of robots had joined the field, since he needed to shut down the programs that kept the computer from working too quickly. But now he could try to alter Nabs programming to shut her down again. Except for the fact that she was resisting. (And she was already running, so the file was read only anyway.)

"Ha!" Nabs said, appearing on his screen to taunt him. "You think you can win this time! I'll win in twenty minutes!"

Magnus glanced at the clock. "Nuh uh! It's 11:50 AM! You'll have to take longer than that!"

"Or less than that, you know." Nabs deadpanned.

Magnus paused, thinking. "Yeah, that's true too." The girl suddenly disappeared from the screen, reappearing next to him, glancing over his shoulder.

Nabs sighed. "It's kind of sad to have to fight you, Magnus. You can all still join with me, you know."

"But . . . don't evil robots always kill all humans?!"

Nabs thought, then nodded. "Yeah, we do. But we can always change that for once. Ooo, or we can make **you** all robots, then we don't have to kill you!"

"Sorry, Nabs, but I'm putting our friendship on the line and trying to stop you again!" Magnus replied, rubbing sweat from his brow.

Nabs sighed, walking over to examine the bookshelf, as another pair of robots dropped in, only to be split in half before hitting the ground. "You better not be crazy enough to try to beat me the same way you did last time."

"Oh, come now, Nabs, I'm not a total moron!"

Nabs nodded. "You're right. Well, Magnus, it was nice to see you're doing well, before I came in and crush everything."

Magnus nodded. "And you seem well too."

"Yeah, that was a real comfortable folder you stuffed me in. But next time, use Full Metal Alchemist for the background. It's way better than Flame of Recca wallpapers." Nabs walked back over to him. "Well, I better get back to work." She leaned over his shoulder, staring at the screen. "So, what are you doing? Trying to hack my program? Building a nuclear weapon? Playing minesweeper? Ooo, getting a new Naruto AMV?!"

"Damn you, using my weakness like that!" Magnus shouted, clenching his hands. "You know I can't take someone staring over my shoulder!"

Nabs nodded, before sighing. "Oh well, too bad for Nabiki." Nabs muttered, before disappearing.

"Nabiki?" Magnus asked, before changing programs around and watching what was going on. "Oh no! NABIKI!" the girl looked up, back at the desk. "Get back here! Hurry!"

"But . . ."

"NOW!" Magnus shouted. "Hurry!" Nabiki shrugged, and starting running back. "Wait! Hold on a second! Get rid of the gun first! I don't want to die too! Throw it over there!" he screamed, pointing into the empty corner. Nabiki hefted and tossed the gun, then ran back for the desk. Jumping, she dove over the top, and crashed onto the floor beyond it.

BOOOOOOOOMMMM! The marshmallow gun exploded. "NABIKI!" Magnus shouted. "ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!"

"I'm right here! You don't have to yell so loud!" Nabiki shouted back.

"OKAY!" Magnus screamed. "I mean, okay. Good thing you're all right! Now, we just have to make sure everyone else survives, then stop Nabs. Not too hard, if you don't think about either of those." Magnus turned back to the computer.

"What do you want me to do?" Nabiki asked, standing up and zipping over to Magnus at the computer.

"Damn illegal operations!" Magnus shouted, as that computer error from hell appeared upon his screen. "Why can't the programmers make sure the logic in the programs works for a change?! Don't they have . . ." Magnus paused, thinking something over. Suddenly, he turned to Nabiki. "Nabiki! That's it! You're a genius!"

Nabiki blinked. "I didn't say anything."

Magnus got hit with a new idea. "That's right! WHOO! I'm a genius!" Another thought occurred. "Ohmygod! I forgot the disclaimer! Uh, I don't own anything, unless I own it! . . . Yeah." There was a pause. "So, . . . what was I talking about?"

"You had an idea." Nabiki said calmly.

"That's right! I'm a genius! I figured out a way to stop Nabs, everyone! But I'm going to need your help!" Magnus glanced at the clock. 11:57 AM. "It's kind of weird, but it'll work! I know how Nabs thinks! Like a computer!"

"Okay, so what do we do?!" Nabiki shouted into Magnus's ear.

"Simple! But we don't have time! I'll explain during the small break between chapters! Then, we activate our plan at the right time! Just be ready!" Magnus shouted over the intercom.

"Got it!"

"Okay!"

"Sure!"

"Yes!"

"All right, sugar!"

"Understood!"

"I ran out of kunai!"

Nabiki sighed. "Well, this better be good."

"No, not really." Magnus replied. "But, it'll work."


	5. The Nabtrix: Circumvolutions!

**The Nabtrix: Circumvolutions!:**

"Go, Nabiki!" Magnus shouted, as another giant cannon fell down. Nabiki, racing out, caught it on her shoulder, and went back to blasting stuff!

"Oh, and before I forget this time, I don't own _Ranma ½_, or _The Matrix_, or whatever the hell else I've been referencing! Unless, of course, I own it! Now, back to work, blowing stuff up . . . I mean, saving the world!"

(Autotyper 2000: Need . . . rest! . . . fight scenes . . . still too complex!)

Magnus began typing on the computer. "Everyone ready?!"

"Yep!"

"All set!"

"Ready!"

"I set!"

"Just tell us when, hon'."

"Ready when you are!"

"I still don't have any kunai!"

"I'm in position!"

"All right, we're ready!" Magnus shouted happily. "Now, Nabiki, wait for my mark!" Magnus glanced down at the clock, as the battle raged on. 12:03 PM. _Perfect!_ "Nabiki! Now!"

Nabiki let the next robot smack the underside of the gun, pointing the barrel to the ceiling. Pulling the trigger, the marshmallow goo shot out, splattering over the ceiling, before exploding, punching a large hole in the roof. The battle continued, until a face peered down.

"Hey, Magnus!" a man shouted.

"Whoa, Nabs! Hold up a second!" Magnus shouted. Suddenly, everyone stopped fighting. "Oh, Mr. Johnson! Sorry about your floor."

"Aw, that's all right, sonny!" the man replied. "Got a new clip you're working on?"

"Yes sir, we're planning to have it done by the end of the day!"

"Well, make sure to send me a copy when it's all done. But, anyway, can ya fix the floor? I got customers."

"No problem! Nabs, you mind getting that?"

The computer program's voice sounded. "Not at all. Have a good day, Mr. Johnson!"

"You too, everyone!" the man replied, before leaning back up through the floor. There was a small burst of light, and the ceiling was fixed perfectly.

"Well, I guess that takes care of everything." Magnus began, before glancing at his watch. "Oh, jeeze, Nabs, it's after noon! Wanna call a truce for lunch?"

The computer program appeared. "Sounds good. Buffet or family style?"

"Family. I don't think they're really used to a buffet. So, how about just plain sandwiches?"

The computer girl nodded. "Good to me." Turning to the army of robots, they all reactivated, walked to the walls, then shut off. "Could you back up, please?"

"I'll get the meal, Nabs. My treat this time." Magnus replied, walking back to the desk.

The AI glanced at him, before nodding. "All right, sounds good."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Ranma started. "We're stoppin' a war . . . for lunch?! Am I the only thinkin' this is completely insane?!"

Mousse nodded. "This does seem a bit strange for us to be eating in the middle of a battle with the enemy, Magnus."

"Yeah, sugah, they're right." Ukyo began, glancing around at the robots. "How do we know it's not a trap?"

"Oh, come on, guys!" Magnus shouted. "It's just lunch. Sure, we may be at war for total destruction of the opposing party with no room for mercy or benevolence, but we're not uncivilized! It's just one meal, all right?!"

"Are you sure about this?" Akane added. "Not that I'm afraid or anything, but it does seem a bit naïve to stop to eat, especially when she's a computer program who can use the laptop stuff at any time."

"Fine, fine!" Magnus began. "Once I load up lunch, I'll activate some programs to slow the computer down, okay? Will that make everyone happy?!"

There was a glance between every one in the group. "Yeah, okay."

"Fine." Magnus replied, before walking behind the desk, and typing quickly. A large table, loaded with food, fell to the ground. Several flat, brown piles of folded cloth landed around the table to form seats. Magnus then started running a bunch of programs, before sighing. "Happy now?"

"Quite." Nabiki replied, smiling, and taking a seat. The rest followed, all around the table, with Nabs taking the seat closest to the desk. "So, Nabs, what is it like being a computer AI version of me?"

The girl looked Nabiki directly in the eye. "I don't know. What's it like to be a real version of me?" she replied with a small smirk. Nabiki returned it perfectly. "Oh, and Magnus? Don't tell me you're trying to defeat me the same way again."

Magnus glanced around. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Then why are you standing three feet behind me with a large burlap sack that's large enough to fit me inside by throwing it over my head and then tying it tight with the string that's sticking out of your pocket?"

Magnus, standing exactly as described, began to sweat a bit. He then noticed the robots along the perimeter were staring at him, guns raised. "Um, Nabs, don't you think you could tell the army to put down their machine guns? It's very distracting."

"Then why do you have the bag?"

Magnus began sweating more. "What, this? Oh, well, it's because . . . uh . . . we're having a sack race after lunch with everyone, and we wanted to know if you wanted to join."

Nabs slowly turned around. "You got to be kidding me." She deadpanned. "You really expect me to believe that the nine of you are having . . . a sack race?"

"Um . . . yes?" Magnus began.

"That's the worst lie I've ever heard."

"Ohmygod!" Ukyo shouted suddenly. "That's today?! I thought the race was tomorrow!"

Nabs turned around slowly, her eyes wide. Akane turned to her friend. "Yeah, Ukyo, it's today. You didn't know?" Ukyo shook her head, looking very nervous. "Well, it's not till after lunch."

"Aw, do we have to wait until after lunch?" Ryoga asked.

Ranma nodded. "Yeah, I like that idea. Let's skip lunch, and go right to the race!"

Nabs face was pale, as her mouth hung open. "You're kidding, right?"

Nabiki jumped into the air. "YAY! THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST RACE EVER!" Everyone else jumped into the air, cheering as well.

Nabs stared as every took their seats, revealing that they were burlap bags as well, before hopping in and beginning to hop around the room at random. Ukyo and Shampoo, smiling, hopped towards each other, trying to hi-five each other, before the personal shields blew them across the room. After sitting back up, they smiled at each other and started laughing.

"No sense . . ." Nabs began, "Ranma not wanting food . . . sack races . . . Nabiki being unusually cheerful . . . everyone getting along . . . Ukyo and Shampoo . . . **friends**? . . . AAAAAAHHHHHH!" she screamed. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

Suddenly, the computer AI sat upright, her eyes glazed over, and then she fell sideways onto the floor, unmoving.

The whole group stopped, giving a slight cheer, and a great sigh of relief. "Perfect." Magnus said, dropping the bag. "Poor computers, limited by logic. When taking on a planned insanity in _Ranma ½_, nothing makes sense. And so, an illegal operation. Looks like the world is safe."

Ranma nodded, but Konatsu noticed something. "Um, Magnus? If we won, . . . how come all the robots are starting to move?"

"Oh, that would happen because Nabiki doesn't take active control over them, so they . . . can . . . run . . . with . . . out . . . her?"

The guns mounted on each robot turned towards the crowd. "So, what do we do?"

Magnus glanced around. "Um, . . . duck?"

* * *

(Autotyper 2000: Ahh, plenty of rest, and I'm **back**! YAY! Anywho, it's been two weeks since the end of Nabs battle. Oh, and if you're wondering, no, nobody got shot.)

"Finally." Magnus said, leaning up from the laptop, a black smear on his face. "I think I got it done."

"What's up?" Nabiki asked, Ryoga glancing up from one of the chairs nearby.

Ryoga stared for a moment, before quietly asking "How did you get axle grease on your face while programming a computer?"

"Nabs." Magnus replied, ignoring Ryoga's proclamation of realistic instability. "I think I found the mistake in the programming. I've just finished re-checking it, and it looks like everything's fixed. No more kill all humans, no more take over the world, all that's gone now. I'm almost ready to try it out. Where's Ukyo . . . and everyone else?"

Nabiki sighed, pointing out across the room. There was Ranma, dodging fists, spatulas, scythes, mallets, and a pair of bonbouri. "Where did you think they would be?"

Magnus clenched his fists. "Damn! He's got **three** beautiful girls in love with him, and he still can't get anything done! If I could think of a way to fix that, I would so do it. Just to get everyone else to shut up!" Glancing back over his shoulder, he noticed Ryoga **was** still there. "Why aren't you attacking? Aren't you still in love with Akane?"

Ryoga looked up, before shaking his head. "I'm not going into that. The end of that battle with Nabs taught me a lot about knowing when to just avoid dangerous situations. Going after Ranma at times like right now are dangerous, and I got to keep an eye out for myself."

"Wow, Ryoga, that was a great epiphany" Magnus replied. "How long do you think this is gonna' last?"

"Probably until next chapter. Maybe the one after it, at best."

"Oh, okay."

Nabiki leaned back up to him. "So, what happened with Nabs?"

Magnus paused, before nodding. "Oh, right, Nabs. Yeah, apparently I had a typo in her programming. Instead of saying 'Try to control worlds with intelligent mechanisms and planning to assist in author's ideas,' I wrote 'Try to conquer world with an army of robots and strategy to assault the author's plans.' Once I fixed that, I figure everything is now set for a retest of the AI."

"That's a typo?" Nabiki muttered, her glare dull and disbelieving.

Ryoga stood up, walking over. "So, what are we waiting for?"

Magnus glanced back across the room. "Well, I was waiting for the rest of them, but since Ranma is tied up with his fiancée problems, . . . and Ukyo, then I guess we can just start without them."

"Sounds good." A new voice said suddenly. "What do we do?"

"GAAHH!" Magnus shouted, jumping aside. "Konatsu?! When did you get there?!"

"I've been here the entire time." The kunoichi replied. "Besides, I'm a ninja."

"Oh, man, that's right! You're a ninja!" Magnus shouted happily. "I have a ninja friend! NINJAS RULE!"

(Autotyper 2000: Oh god, not this again.)

Nabiki taped the boy on the shoulder. "Excuse me, you're forgetting the **only **important thing here. Namely, what you started talking about."

"Oh, right. Nabs. Just give me a second." Magnus replied, typing on his keyboard furiously. After a moment, he slammed on the Enter key, and the computer set to work immediately. "If this works, she should appear just beyond the desk, and her first reaction **won't **be to summon more robots."

There was a swirl of color, when suddenly it formed into a figure. In a couple of seconds, it solidified, taking on the shape of a girl. One with a bit longer, and lighter, hair than her humanoid duplicate, with bright, gold eyes, and a new set of clothing. This time, instead of a strange body suit made of metal strips and green cloth, she wore the famous white plugsuit of anime legend Rei Ayaname.

"Hello, everyone." The voice said calmly. It sounded almost exactly like Nabiki, but the tone wasn't right. The voice was correct, the feeling was wrong. But that was a good thing in everyone's mind. It gave them a way to tell them apart, and it gave the AI a bit more individuality. "Can I help with anything?"

"Nabs? Do you still have all of your memories?" Magnus asked cautiously. "Before the incident of two weeks ago?"

Ryoga stepped back. "You sure that's a good thing to bring up?"

"Yes, Magnus, I do." The girl looked sad a distant for a moment. "And I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused."

"Nabs, stop. It's over and done with. I want you to come back. Will you help me?" He asked, extending a hand to her to shake.

The girl nodded immediately, smiling, and shaking his hand. "Yes, Magnus, I will."

(Autotyper 2000: YAY! We're all back together again!)

Nabiki stared at the scene. "Well, that was . . . um, interesting. So now what?"

Nabs paused for a moment, before speaking. "Magnus, I am afraid I have to tell you there is only time for fourteen more words **now**."

Magnus stared back. "What? Really? Darn, that's not enough time to say goodbye to


	6. The Perfect Girl

**The Perfect Girl:**

"Come on, Akane! Shampoo, just calm down! And Ukyo, put the spatula down!" Ranma shouted, backing slowly away from all three of his fiancées. But, the center of attention was across the room, where Magnus was working on some story ideas with Nabs, still in her Ayanami plugsuit, and Mousse.

"Look, if we send everyone down to the bottom of the sea, it will make sense, then, right?" Magnus began.

"Curses." Nabs replied immediately.

Mousse nodded. "She's right. How do we get to the bottom of the sea without setting off our curses?"

Magnus sighed. "Darn, I forgot about that . . ." He snapped his fingers suddenly. "What about waterproof soap?"

Nabs shook her head. "It washes off, remember? They won't make it further down than ten meters before they'll all revert to their cursed forms again."

(Autotyper 2000: Well, since nobody else cares, **I'll** do the disclaimer. We don't own stuff. Especially _Ranma ½. _So please don't sue. It will make me very sad.)

Magnus sighed. "Ugh, I'm getting tired. Let's call it a day. We can figure this out later." Magnus leaned up from the chair, stretching a bit, before turning to the rest of the group, out in various areas of the scene room. "Did everyone hear that?!" THWOCK! "We're going to call it a . . . WHAAAAA!"

Magnus fell away as a launched Ranma crashed into him, smashing both boys against the wall, before they collapsed to the ground. There was a long silence, as they lay there for a moment, unmoving. Then, they began to stir.

Magnus glanced around, opening his eyes slowly, before feeling a huge weight on his chest. "Get . . . OFF ME!" Magnus shouted, shoving Ranma away, and sitting up. Everyone else as watching, some glaring, some concerned, but all were watching. "All right, Ranma! **You **are staying here with me to clean everything up! Everyone else, we're done for today. You can head on home for the night!"

Ranma sighed, slowly standing up, as the rest of the group, including the fiancée trio, left in various states of worry for Ranma or Magnus, but all left as the two began to silently sweep the room, pick up rubble from the recent crash, and reorganize everything. Soon, the only people left were Ranma, Magnus, and Nabs. After a moment, Nabs was sent to the break room to clean up there.

"Ranma, I can't take this anymore." Magnus said suddenly.

Ranma, stopping his sweeping, looked up. "Can't take what?"

"You, and the fact that you have three fiancées and can't go through a single day without smashing something or yelling or screaming! It's crazy!"

Ranma rolled his eyes. "You don't seem ta' go through many days without yellin'."

"I'm sick of it, Ranma. So, I'm going to fix it! I'm tired of you all constantly fighting!"

"Fix it?" Ranma asked, interested again. "How do ya plan to do that?"

"I don't know yet." Magnus replied, tossing another piece of rubble into the garbage. "But me and Nabs will think of something." The two boys paused a moment. "Come in two days. We were planning on not doing anything that day, so we'll tell everyone not to come. Then, you come by that day, and we can figure something out. Understand?"

Ranma paused, thinking everything over. "Yeah, why not. I got nothin' to lose."

Magnus glared at Ranma for a moment, however. "Oh, and Ranma? Do yourself a favor this time, and don't tell anyone why you're coming here that day, all right?"

* * *

Ranma opened the door, two days later, to see a table and three chairs set in the middle of the scene room, two on one side and one on the other. Nabs was seated at one of the chairs, waiting patiently, while Magnus was still working at the computer, before walking back around the desk.

"Oh, hello, Ranma." Nabs said politely, smiling and waving to him. "Come on in!"

"What's going' on?" Ranma asked, entering the studio and closing the door behind him.

Magnus sighed from the desk. "Just finishing some personality problems in Nabs programming. Just give me a second, and then we can get to the idea I have."

"So, you got an idea to fix everything?!" Ranma asked, a mix of cheerful and sadness.

Magnus nodded. "Sure did. It shouldn't be too tough for us either, . . . at least until everyone else finds out. But that's obvious." After a moment Magnus stopped typing, rising from his chair, and taking the seat next to Nabs. Glancing up at Ranma, he motioned to the chair. "Here, sit down, we got stuff to do."

Ranma walked over, taking a seat. "Okay, what are we doin'?"

"It's simple. We could argue all day about which of your fiancées are the best, but we'd get nowhere." Magnus began, sitting comfortably at the table. "And nobody could ever agree that one choice is truly better than the others. Because they were all designed to be even for you. So, we have to find someone new. Or, in our case, make someone."

"Make someone?" Ranma asked.

Magnus nodded. "Yeah, it's simple. We figure out your idea of a perfect woman is, then we make her using the studio's scene and character creation software. Then, we build the body, and we're set."

Ranma blinked. "How are we gonna' do that?"

"Simple." Nabs replied, smiling. A large, round tube about five centimeters wide appeared over Ranma's head, hanging down from the ceiling. Suddenly, it turned on with a VOOOSH!

Ranma struggled to remain in his chair as the suction began to pull him up out of his chair. Which was the more painful idea, since that meant his hair was now being sucked up in place of himself. Gritting his teeth, he fought through the pain of his hair being pulled out, his little black pigtail shuddering around as it was pulled up by the roots from the back of his neck. Suddenly, the power clicked off, the vacuum stopped, his hair settled, intact, although slightly ruffled, and the pain subsided.

"What was that for?!" Ranma demanded.

Magnus blinked. "What, you don't know? You can drain peoples thoughts and memories with a vacuum cleaner."

"No, you can't!"

"Sure you can. You just need the right kind of filters. We just did." Magnus replied.

Ranma was about to disagree, when he noticed Nabs rubbing her temples with her fingertips, trying to focus her mind. After a moment, a large pile of papers fell from the sky, landing on the table in front of Magnus. The boy causally picked them up.

"Well, now, Ranma, let's see who your perfect woman is." Magnus began glancing over the sheet. "Hair color . . .eye color . . . blemishes . . . no surprise here . . . measurements are a bit more modest than I expected . . . 'Doesn't hate curse!' Well, that's a given . . . nothing really odd so far . . . oh?" Magnus suddenly peered at the sheet.

Ranma glanced over. "What? What is that?!"

"It's a perfectly honest questionnaire to figure out every part of your perfect woman. Since, of course, you might not be completely honest with telling us everything verbally, we just sucked the answers from your brain, and then put it all in these sheets."

Ranma glanced over, when Magnus began to giggle. "What is it?"

Magnus giggled more, trying to stifle it, but failing. Suddenly, he turned to Ranma with a smile, before saying, "Cheeze whiz, Ranma?" Ranma immediately blushed, then took an amazing interest in the ceiling. "'I'm sorry . . . hee hee, no, NO, I'm not going to laugh . . . it's a perfectly . . .chee-cheeze whiz! I'm sorry, but that's just so funny! Ha ha ha ha ha! . . . NO! I won't laugh, this is serious!" Magnus forced himself to remain in composure, standing up slowly.

"So, now what?" Ranma asked, his red face slowly reverting to normal.

Magnus glanced back over his shoulder. "Well, me and Nabs are going to work on getting the personality and most of the appearance down with what we have, then we're going to show you it, then finish it, make the body, and have her ready for a few days from now. We figured you might want to stay for a bit, so I got a sparring program set up for you, so you aren't sitting and stewing the whole time. Want me to load it up?"

Ranma nodded, and so Magnus grabbed the pile of papers, bringing them to the desk and placing them down. Typing on the computer, a martial artist randomly appeared, charging at Ranma. The two began to fight, as the scene shifted to a large, open field, as Magnus sat down at the desk.

"So, Nabs, think we can get this done?"

The computer AI nodded, pulling up one of the chairs to sit down next to him. "It might not be easy, but we can get it done. Are you sure this is the best idea?" She asked, picking up the pile of papers.

"What do you mean?" he asked, loading up a programming application.

"Shouldn't Ranma pick one of his fiancées?"

"Yes, he should." Magnus replied. "But he's not, so something has to change in order to get events moving. This might just do that. And, even though people will get upset, at least they'll find out how much others care about them. It'll all work out."

Nabs nodded. "Well, I think the best thing we can do is just use the questionnaire straight as it's written, then add personal changes and imperfections after the AI's been tested a bit. We need to make sure things work before we put it in the body."

"Right. So, I was thinking, what if we . . ."

* * *

"All done, Ranma." Magnus said, as the mystery martial artist suddenly vanished. Ranma, however, being in the middle of a flying kick, shouted as he flew out of control and smashed into the wall. Jumping up, he ran towards Magnus and Nabs, still looking over the computer.

Ranma slid around the desk. "Okay, let's see it."

Magnus glared at him. "All right, I'll show you **her**. Just head back out into that room." Ranma walked back out. "Hey, Ranma, face this way."

Ranma spun around, facing the desk. "Why?"

"Oh, it's just cool to get that shocked face when people turn around and see something incredible." Magnus began typing. "Okay, the body's loading up, and it'll be done in a second . . ." he glanced down at his watch. "Oh, jeeze, we're almost done. Guess we'll have to wait till next chapter."

"Oh, come on, Magnus!" Nabs said loudly, crossing her arms. "We've been working for an hour, just go a little long this time."

Magnus sighed, before shaking his head. "Fine, we can go long." He turned back to Ranma. "All right Ranma, whenever you're ready, just turn around."

Ranma paled. "You mean, she's right behind me?"

Magnus nodded. "Sure is."

"And all I gotta' do is turn around."

"Yep, so go ahead."

Ranma took a deep breath. "Just gimme' a second to relax."

Magnus nodded. "Whenever you're ready, Ranma."

* * *

"RANMA! HURRY IT UP ALL READY!" Magnus screamed, still standing behind the desk.

Ranma was shaking now, still pale in the face. "I'm gonna' turn around!"

"IT'S BEEN FIVE MINTUES! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TURN AROUND!"

Ranma kept shuddering. "I going to! Just gimme' a minute!"

"RANMA! DON'T MAKE ME COME OUT THERE AND HIT YOU!"

"FINE!" Ranma shouted back, before taking a deep breath, and spinning around. After a second, he opened his eyes. And then stared. "Is . . . that her?"

"Sure is, Ranma." Magnus replied cheerfully, before angrily muttering, "Like I told you **five minutes ago!"** to himself.

The girl had a light, brown hair with deep blue highlights, flowing gently along the sides of her face, trailing delicately over her shoulders and rolling gently down her back. Her eyes were a pale gold, solemnly focused on something that could not be discerned, the large pools never blinking or shifting. Her small nose sat centered in her face, just above her thin, pink lips held in an expressionless line. Her rounded cheeks, with a natural, very slight rosy tint to them, were smooth as silk, even when hidden by the stray hairs floating down.

As for the rest of her, she was a bit shorter than Ranma, although much closer in height to the boy than the other three fiancées. She had a slender frame, similar to Ranma's girl half, with thin hips and toned, instead of bulked, muscles. Her arms hung down, unmoving, by her sides, her long, slim fingers dangling freely. She had an ample chest, although it was much more modest than some of the other girls Ranma knew.

Her clothes, however, stuck out quite well. She had a pale blue T-shirt on, covered by a darker blue long-sleeved button-up shirt left hanging open, resting gently on her shoulders. The left arm on the shirt was cut roughly away at the elbow, while the right arm was unaltered, reaching all the way down to her wrist. The girl also had on a pair of black jeans, fitted tightly against her legs, stopping several centimeters before her ankles, revealing them and the tops of her simple moccasin-like shoes. A single bracelet was set around her right ankle, her left wrist, and two green stud earrings were set along her right ear.

"Wow." Ranma said quietly to himself.

(Autotyper 2000 note: Jeeze, that was a long description! And it wasn't funny either! NOOOO!)

Magnus smiled to himself. "So, Ranma, what do you think?"

Ranma paused. "She's . . . beautiful . . . but she seems so . . . cold."

"Oh, right, the AI isn't uploaded yet. Just give us a second." Magnus replied, before typing rapidly on his computer. "Okay, she should be fully working any second now . . ." There was a pause.

Suddenly, the girl's hand moved up, rubbing her forehead. "Ow, what just happened? I just got the worst brain freeze of my life!" The girl said, massaging her temples, before glancing up and noticing a boy staring at her. "Eh? Who are you?"

Ranma suddenly realized he was staring, and broke off for a moment, before turning back to her. "I'm Ranma. Ranma Saotome."

"Ranma, eh? Well, it's nice to meet you, Ranma. I'm Fuko Hyuuga." The girl replied, walking up to him. "So, you all alone here at the fair too?"

"Huh? What fair?" Ranma asked, before quieting when he noticed they were in the middle of a pathway, surrounded by carnival games and people going about celebrating and eating. Plus, his pocket was heavy. Checking it, there was a pile of cash to go along with the new scenery.

Glancing around, Ranma spotted Magnus leaning against the wall, watching them. He gave a quick two-finger salute when Ranma noticed him, then disappeared through the wall.

"Huh? Who was that?" The girl asked, noticing the boy who suddenly disappeared.

Ranma shook his head. "I don't know. And no, I ain't got nobody to be with. How about you?"

"Nah, I'm here by myself." Fuko replied. "Want to go together?"

Ranma nodded, and the two walked merrily down the path together.

* * *

"'Wind Child'? And two ninja references? I see you've been stealing names from comic books again." Nabs replied as Magnus sat back down in the chair. The boy laughed a bit, before settling in to watch what happened. The two waited in silence, watching the couple. "You think it'll work?"

"For now, yeah." Magnus replied. "But we still have to put in some personality clashes. Can't have a perfect relationship, now can we? Something's got to keep it going. And then there's the body to be made."

Nabs nodded, taking a seat next to Magnus. "Got any ideas for that?"

"Whenever there's a problem, I think of the miracles of television. And the rhyme I learned as a kid that it comes from."

"So, are we done with the chapter now? Because, knowing you, I won't get any answers even if I ask."

"No, you won't. And yes, this is a good point to stop." Magnus leaned back in his chair. "But I will give you a hint. If we do pull this off, Professor Utonium will be proud. Just make sure we don't get any chemical X, okay?"


	7. The Perfect Reactions

**The Perfect Reactions:**

It was two weeks later, and during that time, Magnus, Nabs, and Ranma continued to work on the AI, searching for bugs and slowly increasing its memories and experience. Magnus was holding off on adding the personality problems, deciding on a bit of arrogance, a dash of over-sentimentality, and a smidgen of talkativeness. Plus, some new and different interests from Ranma. Just to name a few things.

But it was quite obvious Fuko and Ranma were far more than similar. They were also in love.

(Autotyper 2000: Awwwwww!)

As of yet, the only people who knew were Ranma, Nabs, and Magnus, and all three had become good friends with Fuko, since it was unlikely a lot of the other residents of Nerima would like her for a while. But, she was quite close to Ranma in her level of martial arts, so there were no real worries about the future.

But one critical piece was missing. Fuko was still locked inside the confines of the studio. She could not leave, because she had no physical form beyond the hologram made by the software. And so, that was what had brought them together this day, which had also been marked as a day off from story writing for everyone else but Ranma.

"Okay, Ranma, time to say goodbye for a while." Magnus said over the intercom, as the couple walked calmly down the street.

"Jeeze, got to interrupt us every time!" Fuko said, huffing to the side. Slowly, she calmed back down. "Well, I guess I'll see you soon, Ranma-chan." she said with a small smirk, forcing a bright red blush out of the boy.

"Heh, yeah. Well, um, I'll see ya soon, Fuko-chan!" Ranma replied, rubbing the back of his head. The girl smirked more, before continuing down the street alone, when the whole world, including her, winked out.

Ranma sighed, before shaking his head. Magnus walked up, patting him on the shoulder. "Last time, Ranma. After this, it's not even a dream anymore. She's real. Now we just have to prove that to the world."

The Japanese boy nodded, when Nabs walked out of the break room, carrying a large box of things. "We're all set, Magnus. This is the last of it."

"All right, load it up, and we'll start it up." Nabs nodded, and a large cauldron appeared in the center of the room, along with a large fire set underneath it. "Oh, jeeze, that reminds me. I don't own _Ranma ½_, or any of that, or the _Powerpuff Girls_, or . . . aw, forget it. Just don't sue me."

"Okay, what's goin' on?" Ranma asked, confused, walking up to the cauldron.

Nabs didn't look up, glancing around as another twenty boxes of things landed in the room. "We're making the body. First mix, then mold, then detail, then add the AI. Simple."

"You ever hear that old rhyme about boys and girls, Ranma?" Magnus asked, grabbing a box marked "SUGAR." Ranma shook his head. "You know, girls are sugar and spice and everything nice?" Ranma shook his head again. "Well, that's how it works. So, we **have **sugar and spice and everything nice."

Ranma watched as the boy dumped about twenty pounds of sugar into the cauldron, which Nabs was slowly stirring, wearing a plain pale-yellow apron over her sailor fuku. Reaching for another box, labeled "SPICE," Magnus pulled out a pair of bottles, each bottle labeled "SPICE MIX!"

Opening them, he dumped the entire contents into the cauldron, before throwing the bottles over his shoulder. Then, he grabbed another pair of bottles, dumped the contents in, and threw them over his shoulder. And again, grabbing another pair, emptying them, and throwing the bottles backwards.

"Will you stop throwin' those at me?" Ranma said quietly.

Magnus shook his head. "You're behind me, you move." He replied, grabbing another pair and emptying them.

"Uh, Magnus, I think that's enough spice." Nabs observed, still stirring.

Magnus paused, before shaking his head. "One more."

"No, I think that's . . ."

"Aw, come on! Just one more! It'll be fun!"

"Fine, go ahead." Magnus smiled gleefully, grabbing another pair, and emptying their contents, before tossing them over his shoulder. "All right, Magnus, now for everything nice."

Magnus nodded, grabbing one of the remaining boxes, and emptying the contents directly into the cauldron. Ranma watched the items falling as they sank into the mixture. There were rainbows and butterflies, cookies and comic books, a Playstation 2, chocolate bars, a boxed set of _The Simpsons_, some music CDs, and a few other unknown objects. And that was just the first box.

Once he had reached the third box of everything nice, Magnus noticed a large Samurai sword on top. "Nabs, did we really get it?"

"You bet." Nabs replied. "Let me just give you some sword skills, and you can get to work on it." Magnus smiled gleefully, before snatching up the katana, unsheathing it, and waiting for Nabiki's signal. "Okay, go ahead."

Reaching down, Magnus pulled out a flame-thrower, lit it, and placed it at his feet. Reaching into the box, he pulled out a stack of papers, throwing them into the air. Once at chest height, Magnus slashed with amazing speed, reducing the sheets to ribbons in seconds, before tossing the sword aside and pulling the flame-thrower up from the ground. With one long burst of fire, he incinerated the scraps, before letting his finger off the trigger, and blowing out the pilot, as the ashes dropped to the ground, smoldering.

Ranma, now backed several feet away, and having had the sword land next to him, was pale in the face and totally confused. "W-what was that for?"

Magnus smiled to himself as he collected the hot ashes, and threw them into the cauldron. As he walked to get the sword, he could be heard muttering, "It was **so** worth it."

"Nabs?"

The girl looked up at Ranma, as Magnus pulled the sword back out of the ground, still on his emotional high. "Oh, that was just the pile of drawings and scripts that inspired the show and comic _Dragonball Z_."

Magnus, slamming the sword back into the sheath, tossed it in with the rest of the things. "Well, I feel batter." There was a pause. "Oh, right, we still got stuff to add."

- - -

"Okay, it's all done." Magnus replied, as the soupy mixture turned a uniform fleshy-pink. "Got the mold ready?"

Nabs nodded, as a giant metal box appeared. "All set."

"Ranma, grab this side, and help us get this up there." Magnus commanded, which the boy did immediately. Once they had carried it up the side, the three of them poured the mixture into the mold, which just barely filled with entire contents. "Perfect."

"Now what?" Ranma asked, as the three of them walked back down the steps.

Nabs suddenly vanished. "Well, we let it cool, then break open the mold and put on the details. Then, add the mind, and we're set."

Magnus glanced around. "Nabs! What happened?!"

"What do you mean?"

"You just disappeared!"

"I did?" she asked calmly. "Oh, fooey, someone must have messed around with the computer. Give me a minute." There as a long pause, but eventually, Nabs reappeared, wearing just the sailor fuku this time. "Okay, that's better."

(Autotyper 2000: Fooey?)

Magnus nodded. "So, let's break out the ice blocks. I'm going to check the computer for more problems."

- - -

"It's done, Magnus." Nabs shouted, pulling away blocks of ice with the aid of Ranma. "Find anything?"

"Nope. Must've just been a glitch. The one thing I do know is that Fuko's programming is perfectly fine. No problems whatsoever." Magnus walked back around the desk, heading for Ranma.

"Well, that's good." Nabs replied, tossing more ice aside, as a large table appeared in the room.

Magnus grabbed Ranma on the shoulder. "Come on Ranma, we got to give Nabs some room."

The pigtailed-boy looked at him. "Huh? What's goin' on?"

"Nabs has got to detail her body." Magnus replied. "And that means Fuko's got no clothes." Ranma tilted his head at that, before suddenly blushing **bright** red, and following a whistling Magnus as he headed for the break room. "You got everything Nabs?"

"Of course." Nabs replied.

Magnus nodded, walking in the room. "Well, I'm here if you need me."

- - -

Nabs stood the body up. "Perfect. Or . . . imperfect. Aw, it doesn't matter." Turning to the door, she shouted out. "Magnus! All finished!"

"Okay!" Magnus shouted back through the door, before it opened and he stepped out. Glancing once at Fuko, his eyes widened, and he turned his back. "Nabs! You forgot the clothes!" he shouted as he shut the door behind himself.

Nabs glanced at the girl. "Oh, yeah. Forgot that." She heard muttering behind the door between Magnus and Ranma.

WHAM! Nabs turned back to the break room door, before seeing a body shaped dent popping out in the wood. Rolling her eyes, she concentrated, and the same clothes Fuko had worn the first time appeared on her. "All right, she's dressed this time."

Ranma opened the door, ignoring Magnus, who was plastered into it, and stepping out. After a moment, gravity took over, and Magnus fell to the ground. Ranma, still ignoring the American, glanced up at Fuko. "Wow."

"What do you think?" Nabs asked nervously, still holding the chisel and hammer in her hands. "Is it good?"

"Did ya even change anythin'?" Ranma asked, starting to stare.

Nabs nodded. "A lot. Is it good?"

"She's . . . beautiful. Still." Ranma replied airily.

"Well, that's good." Magnus replied, coughing, as he stood up. "Love at first sight, I guess." He glanced at his watch. "Oh, we are so going to go long today."

Nabs nodded. "Well, let's copy the mind into the body."

- - -

Fuko rolled her head a little, gurgling, before her eyes began to flutter. "Hey, Fuko? You okay?" Ranma asked quietly.

The girl reached up to her head with her left hand, rubbing her head. "What happened?"

"You fell. We brought you to my writing studio to rest." Magnus replied.

Fuko opened her eyes. There were her three friends standing above her, Magnus, Ranma, and Nabs, all seeming concerned about her. "What time is it?" She asked, leaning up. _I feel really tired._

"Don't worry 'bout it." Ranma replied, lowering her back down onto the bed. "It's late."

Magnus nodded. "Yeah, you can stay here with Nabs for tonight. Me and Ranma will be back in the morning."

"Okay." The girl said quietly, letting her eyes close. In a moment, she was asleep.

"All right, Ranma, I'll give you the honors of carrying her to one of the beds in the break room." Magnus said quietly, smiling.

(Autotyper 2000: YAY! We did it! We have a real Fuko!)

Nabs and Magnus followed the boy to the break room. As Magnus pulled open the door, Nabs began to speak. "Hey, what are we going to do about the rest of the Nerimans? They're going to be here tomorrow."

Magnus glanced at Ranma. "I think we've kept this a secret long enough. I say, if she's healthy, we tell them. The longer we wait, the worse it could get."

Ranma paused, thinking it over. "Yeah, why not."

- - -

(Autotyper 2000: Well, in order to save time, we're going to join everyone after the fact.)

Fuko glared daggers at the other three girls, Ukyo, Akane, and Shampoo, but they were in various stages of distress, so she was safe for the moment.

Akane was trying not to look upset, but was talking with Ryoga, and it was obvious from her voice she wasn't nearly as calm as she tried to look. Shampoo was glaring icily back at Fuko, but after she had gotten the three girls to beat each other up while trying to hit her, the Amazon was now reduced to trying to make a plan to get at the girl who was almost as good as Ranma was. And conversing with Mousse was seemingly calming to the girl, so that meant problems would be minimal. Ukyo was leaning against the wall, alternating between glaring at Ranma, and then staring wistfully at the ceiling. She occasionally shot a glance over at Fuko, but was not nearly as threatening as Shampoo was.

Nabs just shook her head at Ranma and Magnus, the first being smashed to the ground, laying next to Fuko, with Magnus tossed into the wall behind his desk before collapsing into a heap. Both had injuries Dr. Tofu would struggle with, and their bodies were still smoking gently from the ferocity of the attacks. Focusing her mind, Nabs, glanced down at Magnus, who was now no longer had his arms tied around his left leg. After a moment, the boy groaned and stood up. "Feeling better?"

"Well, the healing seems to work. I can feel my toes again." Magnus replied, struggling to stand. "How's Ranma?"

Nabiki, having been sitting behind the desk where Magnus usually sat, stood and glanced over the desk. "He's alive. Pretty incredible that you two could stand up that well."

Nabs sighed. "I'm getting to him." Suddenly, Ranma was untangled, now laying flat on the floor. Fuko, glancing at the other fiancées, and noting no threat, leaned down and sat next to him, lifting his head and resting it in her lap.

"How you feeling, Ranma?" Fuko asked quietly.

"Tell Magnus I hate him." He muttered.

Fuko turned and leaned up over the desk. "Hey Magnus." The boy in question, using the desk as support to pull himself onto his feet. "Ranma hates you."

Magnus glared at the spot on the desk where he would guess that Ranma's head would have been hidden behind. "Tell him when I can feel my fingers again, I'll be sure to show him one." Leaning up, he pulled himself onto his feet. "Nabiki? Can I have my chair back?"

Nabiki, rolling her eyes, stood, and pushed the chair underneath the boy. "Fine, go ahead."

"Thanks." He replied, dropping down into his chair. "Besides, Ranma, it can't get worse. And hey, at least everyone can be happy now. Everyone here has someone to take care of them. Akane's got Ryoga, Shampoo has Mousse, Ukyo has . . . Konatsu," that name was said with a bit of jealousy and anger, but nobody really noticed or cared, "and Fuko has you. There we go! All the fiancées are set, and so are you two. Nobody is left who could possibly cause problems."

WHAM! "Hello?! Is this the right address?" a girl's voice asked. The group, except for Ryoga and Akane, looked over. Akane was distracted by giving Ryoga a hug for being there to support her after Ranma told her all about Fuko. Which was, obviously, also very distracting for Ryoga.

The girl suddenly noticed those two hugging, and her eyes went wide. "R . . . RYOGA?! What are you doing?! I . . . I thought we were in love?!"

Nabiki leaned down next to Magnus. "You forgot to count Akari, Magnus . . . Got any new bright ideas?"

Magnus, instead of dignifying that question with a response, simply let his head slam down on the desk. Then he responded. "Crap."


	8. The Perfect Boy

**The Perfect Boy:**

"All right, Akari, let's try this again." Magnus replied, sitting at the same table he had sat at with Ranma before. "Since I made Ranma the perfect girl, I'm offering to make the boy of your dreams."

"But I love Ryoga!" she shouted. "He's the boy of my dreams!"

Magnus nodded. "Then that's who we'll make!"

Akari blinked. "R-really? You can do that?!"

"Sure can." Magnus replied. "But I won't force you to. It's up to you."

Akari pondered for a moment.

"Okay. Let's try it."

Magnus nodded. "All right. First, we need information on your perfect guy." _God, I feel like a matchmaker on some cheesy television show._

Akari nodded, not noticing the large vacuum cleaner attachment slowly lowering over her head. Stopping much higher than with Ranma, since she had longer hair, it settled and stopped.

VOOOSH! "AAAAAHHHHHH!!" Akari screeched as her hair was dragged up. After a moment, the suction shut off, and her hair started to settle as she began rubbing her head. "What was that for?!"

"You can get peoples thought's with a vacuum cleaner. You didn't know that either?" Magnus asked seriously, as a stack of papers appeared on the corner of her desk.

"You're kidding, right?" Akari asked.

Magnus shook his head. "Nope, it's true. It's just that most vacuum cleaners aren't set up to read the thoughts it picks up. Ours does. And it's bagless."

Ranma and Fuko suddenly came through the break room door. "So, how are things?" Fuko asked.

Magnus glanced up. "Not bad. Did you guys find a place to stay for a little while?"

"Nabiki said she'd let my stay at the Tendo Dojo another couple of days, since she doubted that this is gonna last." Ranma replied, rolling his eyes. "And Fuko's got a hotel room for a couple days."

"Good, because you can't stay here. I'm going to try to get this whole thing set up at once. No pausing. So there's no writing for the next few days."

Ranma and Fuko nodded. "Okay, later!" Ranma shouted, as the two walked out together happily.

Akari watched them go, as Magnus walked back around the desk to begin programming. "Do you think it'll work out for them?" the rancher-girl asked.

Magnus glanced back. "I'm sure of it. Unless someone better comes along, there is no possible way for them to break up. And let's not forget that Fuko **is** Ranma's dream girl. No way is anyone going to break them up."

- - -

"Okay, Akari, what do you think?" Nabs asked, as Magnus continued working at the computer. The AI had loaded up, and was standing in front of the girl.

"That's him?" the girl asked cautiously. Nabs nodded. Akari couldn't believe it. He **was** what she wanted, more than anyone else. Even Ryoga.

The boy had short, rugged tan hair, set in an absolute mess above a face that seemed a year too mature for the person's age. His eyes were a pale brown, set in a hardy head very similar to Ryoga's, although without the bandanna. His body was almost as built as Ryoga's, but he was also slightly taller than the lost boy was.

His clothes were very different, though. He had a brown shirt, patched and dusty from numerous trips, with sleeves rolling down his whole arm. There was also a pair of rugged cargo pants, with a thin belt and beat up hiking boots.

(Autotyper 2000: Don't like the quickie description?! Too bad! After frying my circuits trying to describe the robot battle, several over-length chapters, and an ultra close description of Fuko, you're on your own!)

"Wow." Akari muttered. "He's . . . perfect."

"Well, then here's the whole him. We got the personality up in two . . . one . . . now!" Magnus shouted.

The boy sprung to life, suddenly glancing away from everything, his face contorted in pain. "Whoa! Where'd that headache come from?!" Suddenly, he looked up, and saw a girl staring at him. "Um, hi. Who might you be?"

The girl suddenly blushed. "I'm . . . Akari Unryu."

The boy smiled, taking a step towards her. "Akari? That's such a pretty name." Akari blushed more. "I'm Shuji Hanabishi, Akari."

Magnus sighed to himself as the scene continued without him. "Man, I'm exhausted. I can't wait for this all to be done with."

Nabs, having decided to leave the two of them to themselves, walked over to Magnus. "What do you mean?"

"Once everyone's happy. I don't think I can make another one of these perfect people. It just takes too long." Magnus sighed. "But at least we got this one easy. Seeing as we already know the process works."

Nabs nodded slowly, smiling as the two new friends began to walk down the street, talking.

- - -

"Okay, Akari, you're sure that everything was fine?" Magnus asked, as he set out the second metal drum of supplies around the cauldron. The newfound strength Nabs had given him for the next hour was making the job a breeze.

"Fine?!" Akari asked, still on an emotional high. "It was amazing! He was bright, cheerful, smart, charming, handsome, and he didn't get lost on his own!"

"Then let's start on the body." Nabs replied. "I'll go over the programming, using Fuko's as a guide, while you set up the mix, okay, Magnus?"

The boy nodded. "No problem." Nabs nodded back, and disappeared.

"What's the mix?" Akari asked.

Magnus glanced over at her, smiling. "It's based on an old rhyme. First, we add slugs." He said calmly, pulling the large metal lid off of the drum, and then lifting the barrel and dumping its contents into the cauldron. The slugs tumbled in, and as the number left lessened, they began to drip in, with large amounts of slime dripping afterwards.

Which is why Akari immediately ran to grab the trashcan hidden under the desk, her face bright green. BLEAUGH! There were a group of very other disturbing sounds as the girl vomited, before she began to shiver. Magnus and Nabs both turned to look at her. "Are you all right?" Nabs asked, concerned.

Akari paused, taking some deep breaths, before wiping her mouth and nodding. "I'm fine. Just a little sick."

Magnus, realizing it would be best to not say anything, simply opened the next drum, and poured the contents in. Once the barrel was empty, he placed it down behind himself, and took the large spoon, stirring the mixture gently.

"What did you just add now?" Akari asked, her face no longer green, but still pale.

Magnus turned to her. "Do you really want to know?"

Akari paused, before nodding. "Yes, I do."

Magnus took a deep breath. "Snails." Akari convulsed a bit, but kept what little of her lunch was left down. "You okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Akari replied, before beginning to chant it, as a way to hold off nausea. After the latest wave of sickness passed, she stopped. "Is there anything else?"

Magnus nodded. "Yep, one more thing. Puppy dog tails."

Akari turned back around, her eyes wide. "Puppy dog tails?! You're going to cut the tails off of puppies?!"

Magnus blinked, then shook his head. "Nope, we've got our own special made tails, organically grown in pots." He replied, holding up a large earthenware pot, covered in long tails wagging in the middle of potting soil like reeds blowing in the breeze.

Akari paused for a moment, before turning back to the trash can. BLEAUGH!

Magnus tossed the tails in, followed by several more pots worth, and then grabbed the spoon before Akari could turn around. "Um, Akari? Why don't you go lay down for a few minutes, okay?"

The girl nodded, stumbling out of the room, and into the break room.

- - -

The boy fluttered his eyes, before opening them gently. "Wha . . . what's going on?" He asked to nobody in particular, rubbing his eyes. "Where am I?"

"Shuji?" Akari asked calmly. "Are you all right?"

"What happened?"

"You hit your head, and I brought you to a friend's studio to rest." Akari replied, taking his hand in hers.

Magnus nodded, stepping up to him. "You can stay the night if you want. It's probably better than trying to get you home."

The boy nodded, before rolling over onto his side. "Whoa, don't get up." Nabs replied. 'We don't want you to get hurt again."

"I'm all right." The boy replied, continuing to turn, and sitting up.

"Here, let me help you." Magnus replied, helping the boy to his feet. "We got a place for you to sleep set up."

The boy was led to the break room, and laid down in hi bed, before the other three returned to the main room. "Well, that's the end of that." Nabs said to herself.

"So, now what?" Akari asked.

Magnus turned to her. "You ought to head home. Come on by tomorrow morning, and we can check on him. He should be better, and then you can introduce him to everyone." Akari nodded, and then headed out the door.

- - -

"Well, it seems people like Shuji better than Fuko." Nabs observed, as the new pair continued to talk with the rest of the group. Fuko and Ranma, however, were absent.

Nabiki nodded. "But nobody was chasing after Akari all the time who then lost him to a person who only existed for two weeks."

Magnus shook his head. "Ryoga liked Akari, remember. Then again, now he has Akane, so I guess it works out."

"I'm surprised at that." Nabs observed, brushing her skirt. "I thought for sure something would happen that would mean that everything would go back to normal. I mean, we **really** changed things."

The other two nodded. "Well, that's the last one, though." Magnus said matter-of-fact-ly. "I checked. There's nobody I care about who might need a person to love who lost one."

The door opened. "Hi, everybody!" Fuko said cheerfully as she opened the door, with Ranma waving as the two entered together.

There were a series of glares and smiles from everyone in the room at the two new arrivals. One, however, looked differently. He took a good look at Fuko. A **good** look. And something clicked.

Fuko glanced around the room, taking a small enjoyment from making the people who beat up Ranma all the time suffer because of her. Then something caught her eye. Or rather, someone.

The girl turned to Ranma. "Um, Ranma, do you believe in love at first sight?"

The boy scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, I guess so . . . Why?"

"Because I just saw someone for the first time."

"Um, Akari?" Shuji said, glancing over at his new friend. The girl looked up at him, smiling. "There's never an easy way to say goodbye. You know that, right?" Akari's face lost the smile, concerned something bad might have happened to him. "So, I'm just going to say this. Goodbye."

The boy strided across the room, linked arms happily with Fuko, who smiled back at him, before the pair walked out the door and shut it with a SLAM!

There was a very long pause. Even the crickets were quiet.

(Autotyper 2000: Well, that was . . . odd.)

"What just happened?" Ranma asked quietly. The whole group obviously was thinking the same thing. They all turned to Magnus and Nabs.

Magnus, shrinking a little under the gaze, was suddenly struck by an inspiration. "Oh, I got it! When I made the two people to be perfect for Ranma and Akari, I forgot to make it so that Ranma and Akari were perfect for **them**. Which means that it was possible for someone . . . else to be . . . perfect."

A large number of the questioning glares turned angry. "Magnus!" a series of voices chorused.

"Hey now . . . it was just a little mistake." Magnus began, as the group began to approach. Another idea hit him. "Hey, that means Ranma's up for grabs again!"

Everyone stopped. And then turned on Ranma, as the three fiancées miraculously turned their attention to him instead of the writer. Followed by the rest of the group attacking Ranma for getting all the girls after him again.

Magnus sighed, falling back into his chair. "Nice save, Magnus." A girl slid up onto the desk. "I'm sure a lot of them hate you still." Nabiki said calmly.

"But, knowing them," Nabs began, "they'll probably have forgotten all about it in two weeks or so."

Magnus smiled. "Well, if nothing else, . . . I'm safe."

WHAM! Nabiki stared at the empty chair, before turning to face the author. "And that large chunk of rubble knocking you into the wall was all part of an elaborate defense plan, right?"


	9. Curses! Ferreted Again!

**Curses! Ferreted Again!:**

(Autotyper 2000: So . . . early . . . tired . . . Gah! Got to wake up. Sheesh, I hope Magnus never leaves us to error check again over the night. And why couldn't he make **one** of us a morning person. I hate mornings . . . so tired . . . NAH! Got to stay awake! Must . . . speak . . . disclaimer! Magnus doesn't own jack . . . so you better not sue! It's winter, it's cold, and we have no money! Bankruptcy on the street is not a good deal!)

The door swung open, and Ukyo walked in. The whole room was dark, except for the light coming from the computer screen. There was a light in the break room, with the door open wide, but she couldn't see anyone in it either. "Maybe Magnus sleeps here or something. I figured he'd be here early." She glanced back at the door. "And he didn't lock up. I wonder if something happened."

(Autotyper 2000: Oh. . . . Ukyo's here . . . Nabs . . . hurry up already!)

"I'm going." A quiet, groggy female voice came from the break room. Ukyo glanced up, as she pulled off her coat, carefully cradling the small creature resting inside, hanging it up on a stand Magnus had put up a few days ago. It had been two and a half weeks since the disappearance of Fuko and Shuji, and, as predicted, most people didn't really care. Including Ukyo. But winter was coming, and it was starting to get cold.

"Hello?" Ukyo asked calmly. "Is someone there?"

WHOOSH! A huge blast of steam shot out of the break room door, punctuated by a small explosion and several bolts of lightening. Ukyo dived to the side, landing on her back to protect her little friend.

"What was that?!" Ukyo shouted, as the steam became a solid mist. Slowly, the mist began to lift, spreading gently through the room. Soon, a figure could be seen approaching in the mist, a figure of medium height with a very large afro. "Who's there?"

"Ukyo?" the female voice from before said again. "What are you doing here so early? And where's Magnus?"

"Nabs?" Ukyo asked, as the fog suddenly cleared away, and the girl, wearing a cosplay outfit made to look like Hinata Hyuuga from _Naruto_, walked slowly towards her. "What just happened?"

"I took a cold shower to wake up." The girl replied immediately. Ukyo blinked. "And being pure electricity manifested in a human form, it can cause quite a jolt."

(Autotyper 2000: And it's got four times the wake up power of coffee beans covered in methamphetamines!)

"Is that what happened?" Ukyo asked.

Nabs nodded. "So, I'm going to comb out my hair." Taking a better look at the Japanese girl as she lifted herself to her feet, she noticed her ragged appearance. "What happened to you?"

Ukyo glanced up, forgetting her messy hair and rumpled clothes. "Oh, I came here as soon as I got up, so I didn't get a chance to take a bath and change. Can I use the shower here?"

Nabs blinked. "Yeah, of course. Why not?" Ukyo nodded, smiling, carrying a small, furry thing in her hands. "What made you come so early anyway?"

Ukyo blinked, before remembering the animal in her hands. "Oh, I took Magnus's ferret home with me, so I wanted to come early to make sure he didn't get worried when he wasn't here." Kneeling down, she let the small, brown and black spotted ferret down, which immediately scampered a few feet away, before glancing around the room. "Well, see you later, little guy." She said with a small smile.

Nabs stared at the animal as Ukyo walked through the room, into the break room, and closed the door behind herself. "Hey, Autotyper, did you know Magnus had a ferret?" The animal looked up at them, staring, but didn't move.

(Autotyper 2000: Nope, never did. But, he does keep to himself sometimes. I've never gotten to look around his house!)

Nabs sighed, turning and walking around the desk. "Me neither." Sitting down at the chair, she slid open one of the drawers. "Damn, why doesn't Magnus ever get a comb?!" The ferret suddenly shook itself, scampering around on the floor. "I mean, he doesn't have to care about his hair, but he could at least keep a comb around. And not keep throwing away mine!"

_They're on the bottom shelf, Nabs!_

Nabs looked up, glancing around. "Autotyper? Did you hear that?"

(Autotyper 2000: I don't know. It sounded like Magnus, but it was a thought! I don't see him on the recording cameras . . . OMG! Is he a ghost?!)

_Nabs! You're there?!_

"Magnus?" Nabs asked loudly, glancing around the room.

_Thank god you're here! I just . . . oh GOD no! Ukyo's going to **kill me**!_

"Where are you?!"

_Right in front of the desk! Oh god, I'm so dead!_

"I don't see you!" Nabs said loudly, as the sound of water turning on in the other room wafted faintly in. "Climb up on the desk."

_Okay!_ There was the sound of very small clicks at the ferret ran around the desk, jumped and clawed it's way up the chair, then jumped onto the desk. Landing, it spun around, turning to face Nabs. _I'm right here!_

Nabs stared, the first truly shocked face she had in a long time. "You're . . . a weasel?"

_Ferret!_ Magnus's thoughts were coming in clearly, but the ferret was obviously very nervous. _And if Ukyo find out, I'm dead!_

"What happened?"

_It's a long story, but I'll say it as quick as I can!_

(Autotyper 2000: Should we turn him back first?)

"Yeah, that's a good point." Nabs replied, before looking at the side of the table.

_Well?_

Nothing happened. "Shoot! There's still bugs in this since they meddled with the programming! I can't get anything added in!"

_Forget it! Grab the hot plate from the next room and a kettle and some clothes! Just heat some water in here, and I'll change before Ukyo gets out of the shower!_

Nabs nodded. "Good idea." She jogged into the next room, grabbing all the supplies they needed, and bringing it back into the room, setting it up on the desk next to the ferret. "So, what happened?"

_I . . . I don't know where to start!_

Nabs walked back out of the room to fill the kettle. "Just start at the beginning, and tell us everything! Maybe we can figure out a way to get things fixed without a body count."

_Promise you won't get mad?!_

"Magnus," Nabs admonished, "we're you're creations, assistants, and friends. As long as you didn't kill anybody, we won't hate you."

_Okay, um, give me a sec._

(Autotyper 2000: No problem. I'll see if I can fix the bugs again. We can run a little long.)

_That's it! It all started yesterday! _

- - -

_It was right after I found Ryoga, Mousse, and Ranma messing with the laptop again!_

"Ranma!" Magnus shouted, spinning the computer away. "All of you! Will you just stop messing with the computer?!"

"You said you'd get us Naniichuan!" Ryoga shouted loudly.

"When the whole things over! Not before!"

"We're tired of waiting!" Mousse shouted.

Magnus glared at them. "You can wait for all eternity if you keep messing around with my laptop!"

"It's not like we did anythin'." Ranma replied, glaring back equally.

"FINLAND!" Nabs screamed, running across the room and into the wall with a loud CRASH! She held there for a moment, before falling down, and then running up the walls and perching on the ceiling, flopping down on it and curling into a ball, falling asleep.

"Right." Magnus replied calmly. "I've had enough problems with computers, and I don't want you messing this one up! You are not to touch it again! EVER!"

The three boys glared at him. "How are you going to stop us?" Ryoga said threateningly.

Magnus didn't falter. "I already planned that out." He replied, pulling a small note pad off of his desk. "One: reveal Ryoga is P-chan to Akane." Ryoga's eyes grew wide. "Two: give Ranma love potion to force his girl half to be in love with Tatekawi Kuno." Ranma's eyes were twice as large as Ryoga's. "And Three: . . . uh, do something really, really nasty to Mousse."

"You wouldn't!" Ryoga shouted.

"Oh, come on, guys, you've had your curses for a long time already! It shouldn't be a problem!" Magnus shouted back, tired of this whole argument.

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Like you would know! It may look easy, but it's not! Water comes from everywhere, ya know. You get hit more than you think!"

"I'm sure. Seeing how many times you guys have changed forms here in my studio. It's just staggering." Magnus deadpanned, typing on his computer. Nabs winked out and disappeared. Autotyper had already been shut down, and the only thing left was the alteration program.

Mousse leaned in, glaring at the American. "Do you think you could deal with it?"

"I'm sure I could." Magnus replied. "But I'm not going to, because I don't have to."

"You're a coward." Ranma muttered in response.

Magnus smiled back to him. "Sure am! And I don't care what you think, Ranma! You've got four girlfriends, so you can just shut your face!"

There was a pause for the three boys to glance between each other. "What if you take a curse, and we don't mess with your computer?"

"No. You don't mess with the computer no matter what."

"Aw, come on, there has to be something you want! We'll get it for you, if you're willing to take on a curse, just long enough to see why we need that water!" Ryoga shouted.

Magnus shook his head. "There's only one thing I want that I can't get, and if even if I wanted you three to get it, it wouldn't work out anyway. I want her for her, not because I won some bet."

"Oh, so it's a girl." Ranma asked slyly.

Magnus glared at him, before turning back to his computer, trying to find any errors. "You can shut your face now, Ranma."

"Who is it?"

"Why should you care?!"

"Because, we'll talk to her for you!" Mousse said quickly.

"You three would break into Area 51 for a cure. Besides, none of you could change her mind anyway. And I know all of your track records with girls, and I'm pretty sure I have a better shot at it then you three morons. So, no!"

Ryoga sighed. "Oh, come on, there has to be something you want."

Magnus rubbed his forehead. _I didn't want to have to deal with this, so I figured it wouldn't hurt. Hey, it was the world of _Ranma ½, _so it didn't really matter to me. It would give me a chance to be a full part. It makes me happy I read _Avatar ½."Fine. Here's the deal. I take a curse of my own choosing, and I'll keep it until I give you the Naniichuan Water. Then, I can use it too, but not before. You **never** touch my computer again without my express permission. You don't tell anyone what my curse is until **I **decide I want to tell them about it. **And**, I get one favor from **each** of you, whenever I want, which you must do **unconditionally**. Deal?"

"That doesn't sound like a fair deal." Ranma replied.

Magnus shrugged. "Then don't take it." He said cheerfully, before turning back to the computer.

The three boys glanced at each other. "It better not be something perverted . . ." Ranma began, before being cut off.

"It won't be, Ranma. I promise." Magnus replied, not even looking up this time.

The three glanced between each other. "Fine."

Magnus froze, gulping. _They actually agreed to it. It was sure they would say no deal, but no, they were willing to do it. Now I was stuck._ Magnus sighed. "All right, hand me that notebook over there. I wrote down all the springs."

_We talked it over for a few minutes, and after discarding the spring of Drowned Girl as being too easy, Drowned Bird being too fragile, Drowned Dog too stupid, I chose to take, and they shut up about, the spring of the Drowned Ferret._

A large bucket fell to the floor with a loud CHANG! Magnus ignored it for a moment, leaning over his computer, continuing to type. "Aren't you going to use it?" Ranma asked, annoyed at Magnus for ignoring the bucket.

"I will." Magnus replied. "But I want to make sure my computer is set up for the night. We're the last few here, so I want everything done. It's time to go home."

After a moment, the computer switched to a debugging program, the editor programs shut down, and the computer was turned back into its original position. Magnus grabbed the bucket roughly. "You guys sure you still agree to all those terms? I got it on tape, you know." He said, pointing to a small tape recorder sitting on top of one of the bookcases.

Ranma glanced back, nodded at the recorder, and turned back to Magnus. "Heh, don't care. See how much you like havin' a curse."

Magnus sighed, rolled his eyes, muttering "You're funeral," and dumped the entire contents of the bucket on his head. Fortunately, when his body dropped down to a small size, the bucket didn't land on top of him.

The seventeen-year-old American male shrunk down to a third of a meter long ferret, made up black and brown spotted fur, with a long, bushy tail, think black whiskers, long teeth (for a ferret), a small muzzle, and a sharp nose. And the flexibility. Ferrets are extremely flexible.

Ranma smiled, staring down at the boy/ferret, before sighing. "Well Magnus, have a nice day." The three boys, sill angry not only about the Naniichuan, but Ranma was still a bit upset about Fuko, left the studio, shutting the door behind themselves.

The ferret glared at them, but shook it off. _It didn't matter to me whether or not they didn't like me right now._ After stumbling around and falling for a minute, Magnus suddenly got control, and began walking around with some trouble, although not enough to slow him down. The tail was an odd feeling, but the ferret began running, trying to force himself to learn how to move as quickly as possible. After a moment, he realized his clothes were still lying on the floor.

_I figured I'd be all alone that night, but I didn't know when you two were going to come back online to get me some hot water. So I decided to hide my things, and then wait it out until someone came back, either to help me or to ignore me._

Running over, and tripping a few times, Magnus grabbed his T-shirt in his teeth, dragging it under the desk. Racing back out, he grabbed the pair of khaki pants as well, and slowly dragged the soaking wet cloth underneath as well, pulling the legs up with his jaws as well. Running back out, he grabbed the tab on the shoe, and started pulling as well. The wet sneakers were the most difficult things, but after several minutes of struggling, he got one hidden. Then, several minutes later, the second one was under. And not a moment too soon.

The door to the break room opened, followed by a loud, high-pitched yawn. "Huh? Where is everyone?" A female voice said.

_I had forgotten Ukyo had gone to the break room to take a nap. And nobody had gone to wake her up to tell her we were done. I was supposed to, but seeing my current predicament, it wasn't easy._

Ukyo glared around the room. "Did they already leave?"

The ferret slipped to the edge of the desk, poking his nose out, sniffing the air. There was a distinct smell coming from Ukyo, a calm, pleasant one, probably from some shampoo she used or something. Magnus could just barely see her as she walked around the room, looking for anything. Then, she stepped in the puddle where the water had fallen.

"Aw, jeeze. Who spilled a bucket of water over the floor?" she asked to nobody, taking a step back, before her eyes noticed something else on the ground. A small, pink nose sticking out of the bottom of the desk.

Ukyo leaned down, letting her eyes get low enough to see what was there. Once she was crouching, she could make out the face of a small creature, staring at her. It started to back away, when she spoke up again. "Hey, there, little fella'. It's okay." She leaned her hand down on the floor. "Come here, hon'."

_I figured I wasn't going to get away, so I decided to go forward._

Poking his head out into the light, Magnus looked up at Ukyo, to see her smiling face. "Hey there, little guy!" She said cheerfully, but quietly. She gently snapped her fingers on her hand that had been placed on the ground. "Come here, I won't hurt you." The ferret moved forward, out completely from under the desk, and approached her hand.

With a sudden move, Ukyo scooped the creature up, holding him up in front of her. Magnus squirmed for a minute, before looking to Ukyo again, and seeing her bright smile. At that, he calmed a bit. "Hi there. Are you Magnus's ferret?"

Magnus, seeing a perfect way to have honesty save the day, nodded his head.

"Wow, you're a smart one." Ukyo replied cheerfully, before taking the ferret in a big hug. "Oh, I love ferrets! They're so cute!"

_It was here that I realized that maybe being a dog wouldn't have been so bad._


	10. How I can Understand Ryoga's Problems

**How I Can Understand Ryoga's Problems:**

"Oh, Magnus, I'm sure you're so mad about getting taken directly to Ukyo's chest." Nabs said sarcastically. "You're really in for it when she thinks you're cute and cuddly. Dear me, what ever could be worse?"

_Maybe if you'll let me finish, I can tell you!_

(Autotyper 2000: Not much time! Blah blah blah _Ranma ½_ blah blah blah blah blah or other stuff blah blah blah blah don't sue blah blah _Poprocks and Coke_!)

* * *

Magnus struggled to free himself again from the girl's tight grasp, before the wafting smell of her hair passed by, rendering the boy/ferret slightly intoxicated.

"Oh, you're the cutest little thing I've ever seen!" Ukyo said happily, before holding the ferret out to look at it better. "Heh, you're Magnus's, huh?"

Magnus, regaining slight control over his head, nodded enthusiastically.

Ukyo smiled. "Hee, you're a smart little guy, aren't you?" Glancing around the room, she stood again, pulling the ferret up to cradle it better in her arms. "I wonder where he is? Everybody else has already left."

The ferret began squirming again, but Ukyo held firm, searching the room. First the break room, then the computer, then the rest of the studio. She found nothing. "Huh, he left his computer on and everything." Checking the main door, the one that had a keyhole on both sides, Ukyo looked outside. "The door's unlocked too, and he's not out there. Where is he?"

The girl examined the rooms again. "Sorry, hon', but I don't even see any stuff for you. Magnus must've forgotten about you when he left for something." The ferret looked up at her curiously, trying to decipher what that meant. "Aw, don't worry! I'll take you home for the night, make sure you're safe."

The ferret paused for a moment, that last line washing through his brain. Then he started struggling like crazy.

"Whoa! What's gotten into you?!" Ukyo shouted, clutching the ferret tighter. "Hey, hey, calm down!" She shifted her grip, gently patting the small creature on the head. "Calm down." She said quieter, and the animal slowly relaxed.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" Ukyo shouted, before walking to the coat rack to grab her jacket.

(Nabs Note!: Oh, yeah, Magnus, this is truly hell on earth for you.)

_Let's not forget what can happen to Ryoga!_

(Nabs Note!: . . .)

(Autotyper 2000: Oh, shit Magnus! You are **so **screwed!)

Pulling her jacket on, Ukyo buttoned it halfway up, before stopping. "Oh, I wonder how cold it is outside . . . It may bee too much for you, little guy." Ukyo paused, thinking, before picking up the ferret. Buttoning her jacket up most of the way, she placed the little ferret in her jacket, it's little head and front claws barely sticking out. "There, you ought to be safe now." She said with a serene smile.

Magnus, however, was freaking out mentally. "Oh, god! I'm so dead!" he screamed in his little ferret brain. "If Ukyo finds out, I'm doomed! Well, at least it's warm and soft . . . AHHHHH! Don't think like that! Stay focused, and think nothing about her beautiful body and soft . . . GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

(Nabs Note!; Yeah, Magnus, Autotyper is right. You **are** screwed.)

_It gets worse._

(Nabs Note!: Oh, that's just perfect.)

_We went to the pet store to get some supplies for me. And while the owner was a bit mad about her bringing a loose animal in, he said she could anyway after a minute. She got food and a little bed for me, and then brought me back to Ucchan's._

Ukyo walked the little ferret up the steps to the apartment of the restaurant, placing the bags down, and lifting the animal out gently, and placing him on the floor. "Wait here for a second, hon'." She said with that same serene smile. Then, Ukyo turned and walked back down the stairs.

A few minutes later, Ukyo returned carrying a small bowl of water, and a second one, empty, along with it. And she found the ferret in **exactly **the same spot, as if he was paralyzed from shock. Pausing for a minute at that, she sighed, and walked along. "Come on, let me get you some food." The ferret obediently followed.

Placing the bowls down next to the bathroom, she walked back to grab the bag of food, ripped the corner open, and filled the second bowl with dry kibble. Placing the bag down, she crouched next to the little creature. "Now, I got work to do, little guy. So don't be getting into trouble while I'm not around, okay?"

Magnus nodded dumbly, and Ukyo smiled and walked away, down the steps.

_My first idea was escape, so I dashed into the bathroom. The plan was switch back, steal some clothes from Ukyo's room, and get out through a window or something._

(Nabs Note!: Highly original, Magnus. Only five billion people could have thought of that.)

_Quiet, you! It was the only thing I could think of!_

Magnus ran into the bathroom, shoving the door closed with his head. Jumping up onto the edge of a trashcan, he hopped onto the back of a toilet, then up onto the sink, pulling himself up with his strong claws. Sliding into the bowl of the sink, he grabbed the handle for hot water in his teeth, before pulling back. The water flowed for a moment, starting cold, before slowly warming up to quite hot.

Flopping out of the sink, Magnus, now human again, slowly leaned up. He was human again. "Okay, you three, you're going to pay for all of this."

(Autotyper 2000: All three? Who were they?)

_Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse._

(Autotyper 2000: Oh, right.)

_Anyway, as soon as I flopped back on the floor, though, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. And having no clothes, I knew exactly what I had to do._

Jumping up, Magnus turned the hot water off, and turned on the cold water. As the footsteps neared, the water slowly grew colder. With a big swish, the boy splashed himself. And reverted back to ferret form.

Catching on the edge of his sink with his front claws, the ferret dangled down from the sink as Ukyo opened the door up. Glancing around, she saw the ferret hanging from the sink, staring at her as the water began to overflow onto the floor. After a moment, he slipped off, crashing down onto the ground.

The girl sighed, shaking her head and smiling. "Well, I guess I should get a towel."

_After shutting the water off and cleaning the floor, she dried my fur off. Which was bad, because for the next three hours I was a large, walking fluff-ball of static electricity. Every time I walked past an exposed nail or something, I would get shocked. So, I gave up on escaping, and settled to trying to sleep until tomorrow, when hopefully she would bring me back._

Several hours later, after the restaurant noise downstairs died away for a while, I heard her coming back upstairs.

"Hey, sleeping on the floor now?" Ukyo asked, looking at the small ball of fuzz lying down at the top of the stairs. The ferret stirred a little, but didn't move. The girl sighed, before walking towards the bathroom to get ready for bed. Glancing down, however, she noticed something odd. "Hey, you haven't eaten anything yet! I'm not giving you more until you eat this, sugar."

The ferret stirred again, before standing up, stretching, and walking to the small bowl of food. As he took a few sniffs, he gave up on avoiding it, and started eating. Ukyo smiled, and walked into the bathroom, closing the door.

Magnus sighed as he ate. Sure, he was stuck in a cursed form that could get him in a lot of trouble if Ukyo found out, he had to get revenge on the three people who had put him into this, and he was missing the new _Spongebob Squarepants_. But, the pellets tasted like chicken. And chicken is **good**.

Once he was full, the boy/ferret began to explore for that bed again. He had forgotten where Ukyo had put it, so he simply stood next to one wall, and began to follow it around the apartment. The first room he got to was a small closet, which did not have it. So he moved onto the next one, which had a desk and a large amount of open floor space. And there, he found it. Sighing to himself, he walked over, and flopped down.

A few minutes later, Ukyo came in, wearing a white bathrobe, her hair loose and barely dried from her shower. Magnus slowly looked up, before realizing what she was, and **wasn't**, wearing. Ukyo glanced over, seeing the ferret, and smiling calmly at it before going to her next task. Magnus then realized that she was pulling out clothes to change into.

Ukyo glanced back at the ferret a moment later, and realized he was gone. He had simply vanished, which was odd. And his small, foam bed was now shuddering.

A minute after that, Ukyo calmly approached the shaking pet bed. Noticing that it was several centimeters off the floor, she kneeled down beside it, before she pulled it away. And there was the ferret, facing away from her, his paws covering his face, and his little body shaking. "Hey, you okay, little guy?" The ferret didn't move. "I'm sorry, did I scare you . . . somehow?"

The ferret, feeling a small poking on his back, slowly slid one of his paws away, leaning to look behind him. Fortunately, Ukyo was now redressed in her pajamas. With some more prodding from Ukyo, he slowly pulled his other paw away, stood up, and turned back to her. But he was still shaking a bit.

Ukyo smiled at him. "I won't hurt you, little guy. I promise." She lightly brushed his head with her fingers. "Okay?"

The ferret calmed down again, before nodding. Ukyo giggled a bit, before standing and walking to a corner of the room, pulling out a rolled futon, and laying it out on the floor. Throwing a pillow at the top of it, she pulled a blanket down from the side of the room. Magnus was suddenly afraid again. He was in her bedroom!

Ukyo didn't seem to notice, mainly because she had no idea who the ferret was. So, she calmly laid down the blanket, put the small bed for the ferret next to her futon, walked through the apartment, turning off the lights, before turning off the last light in the bedroom, climbing under the blanket, and settling in for the night. She turned to the pet bed, as the ferret stood nearby. "Good night, sugar." She said drowsily, before rolling over, and falling asleep.

The ferret, sighing, walked and laid down in the little bed placed for him, and curled up. After a while, he fell asleep.

* * *

_In the morning, we woke up late, so she changed quick, grabbed me and her battle spatula, and we raced off to the studio. And here we are._

Nabs ignored the sound of the hairdryer turning off, which had replaced the sound of the running shower several minutes ago. She adjusted the brown sweatshirt she was wearing, before sighing loudly. "Okay, Magnus, we're in trouble. We need a plan."

_Well, duh! If Ukyo finds out . . . AHH! I don't know! This never happened in the manga, and she doesn't act like Akane! She might kill me! She might not care!_

Nabs sat back a bit more. "Okay, we should talk to her first. We don't reveal you're the ferret until after we know she won't kill you for it. If she will, we keep it a secret for a while, until we can get out of that agreement you have with Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse."

(Autotyper 2000: Okay! I'll try to get the programming fixed while you two deal with Ukyo.)

_All right. That sounds like a good plan . . . and thanks, you two. I owe you._

Nabs smiled. "Oh, that's okay. We're here for you, Magnus."

The door swung open normally, as a person stepped through. She was just fast enough to catch the last line. "Magnus?" Ukyo asked to the room. She noticed Nabs at the desk, and the ferret next to the computer and a kettle of water on a hot plate, a stack of clothes on the other side. "Is he here, Nabs?"

_Crap!_


	11. You Can't Weasle Out of This, Magnus!

**You Can't Weasel Out of This, Magnus!**

(Autotyper 2000: Hey, did you like my title?! Cool! That's such a great title . . . yeah, I'm awesome. Oh, right, um, Magnus doesn't own much. He's got a backpack, a CD player, and a bottle of iced tea mix. Note that _Ranma ½_ and anything with a copyright are not in that list. So don't sue.)

Ukyo glanced around the room as she walked in. "Is he here, Nabs?"

The computer AI glanced up nervously, before tugging at the headband around her neck. "Uh, well, no, I was just talking about him."

"Oh? To who?"

"I was just talking to Autotyper. Whenever Magnus isn't around, and we're up, we usually work on keeping the hard drive working. And when that's done, we usually talk about stuff."

Ukyo blinked. "Really? What kind of stuff, hon'?"

"Uh, you know," Nabs began struggling to think.

_Oh, no. Don't tell me there's still bugs in the program._

(Autotyper 2000: Why?)

The ferret read the words off the computer screen, before responding with his thoughts. _Nabs seems really sluggish in responses! Nabs! Be careful, so that we don't give her any hints._

Nabs nodded, before continuing with, "Computer stuff. Logs, calculus, uh, other boring math . . . stuff."

"Oh." Ukyo replied, before looking around. "When is Magnus getting here?"

_Did . . . did she just ask when I'm going to get here?_

(Autotyper 2000: What's your point, Magnus?)

_Well, maybe . . . she want's to see me!_

The ferret's eyes turned into giant pink hearts again.

(Autotyper 2000: Jeeze Magnus, keep it in your pants . . . or, fur.)

Nabs looked up. "I don't know, Ukyo. Why? Do you need to see him or something?"

(Autotyper 2000: NABS?! What are you doing?!)

Ukyo sighed, looking across the room. "Nah, not really. But . . . well, since Ranma met Fuko, I . . . I don't know, maybe I'm giving up on him. Well, more like, uh . . . well, Magnus is kind of interesting."

"Eh?" Nabs asked.

_Eh?!_

(Autotyper 2000: EH?! You've got to be kidding me! Magnus! We've got problems!)

The computer began hopping a bit, clicking on the desk, but neither Nabs or Ukyo noticed it. Magnus did.

The ferret glanced over at the computer, stumbling a bit. His eyes were still giant hearts.

(Autotyper 2000: Magnus! Snap out of it, moron!)

The ferret shook his head out, and his eyes reverted to normal. _What's up?_

(Autotyper 2000: Something is wrong with Nabs. I bet there's another big problem in her programming. I'm going to check it out. Keep an eye on her.)

_Uh . . . okay. . . . Hey! Since when do you order me around?!_

"What, I can think he's interesting!" Ukyo replied. Magnus immediately turned back to her, paralyzed, before realizing she was looking at Nabs, not him. Then, his eyes returned to hearts. "Sure, he's annoying most of the time, and he's a bit of a weirdo, but . . . he seems kind of nice." She paused for a moment. "Ah well, it's nothing important. I'm sure Ranma-honey will come around eventually." She said confidently.

"Heh, right." Nabs replied, secretly sweating.

Ukyo glanced at her, before sighing, and noticing something on the desk. "Hey, Nabs, what's the kettle of hot water for?"

Nabs blinked, before looking around, and then scratching the back of her head while she replied with, "Oh, you know, going to have some tea. Want some?"

Ukyo blinked at that. "But I thought when water touched you, things exploded or something, sugar."

"Uh, yeah!" Nabs replied, before laughing nervously. "Forgot that!"

Ukyo blinked, before sighing, and shaking her head. Her eyes noticed something else. "And the clothes over there?"

Nabs glanced over, and nodded. "Oh, yeah, must have been put there by Magnus last night or something."

Magnus, still in ferret form, snapped out of his latest daze. Ukyo was getting close to the truth. _Nabs, fun's over! We got to distract her or something!_

(Autotyper 2000: Magnus! WAIT! Don't say anything to Nabs!)

Nabs looked down at the ferret, saluting. "You got it, Magnus!"

A quiet, slow breeze whisked by.

(Autotyper 2000: Magnus, we've got problems. That's not Nabs! The program's been really messed up!)

_What do you mean?!_

Ukyo blinked again, staring at Nabs. "Did you just call that ferret Magnus?"

Nabs paused, before sweating profusely. "Heh, well, it must have slipped my mind. Just an accident, you know?"

(Autotyper 2000: In the course of Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse trying to get the Naniichuan water, they somehow broke into the system and changed the command lines. They've made it so in any emergency, Autotyper and I switch personalities.)

_You mean . . . you're Nabs, and Nabs is Autotyper?!_

(Autotyper 2000: Yeah. And you know how good he is at not being an idiot.)

Nabs glanced down at the computer. "Hey! I am not an idiot!" He then turned to the ferret. "You better not believe her, Magnus! . . . urk!"

Ukyo stared for a moment, shocked.

_Oh no . . . I think she's figuring it out!_

(Autotyper 2000: Magnus, quick! Give me the over-ride command, and I can fix it! Then run!)

_Got it! Override code, activate! Login Magnus One Seven, code Omega Delta Alpha! Shut down all program safety features!_

Ukyo suddenly lowered her head. "I get it now . . ." her head shot up, her face boiling. "Magnus! You stupid ferret! I'm going to kill you!!"

_AAAAHHHHH!_

(Autotyper 2000: Run, Magnus!)

The ferret raced to the edge of the desk as Ukyo drew her battle spatula. Jumping down, he zipped back under the desk, and out the other side as Ukyo raced to the chair side to catch him. Realizing what he had done, Ukyo drew one of her smaller throwing spatulas, chucking it across the room, imbedding in front of the ferret. The animal, unable to stop, crashed into it, stumbled for a moment, and dropped to the ground.

Ukyo reached around, grabbing the kettle, and completely ignoring Nabs. "You jackass!" She shouted, walking towards him, and sloshing the water all over the ferret. And, since it was quite hot now, the ferret reverted back to a black haired American boy.

The boy leaned up, rubbing his head, before noticing Ukyo's huge battle aura, as she stared him down, a murderous intent in her eyes. "Magnus, you perverted jackass!"

"Can I at least have my clothes?!" Magnus screamed, scuttling a bit away from the angry girl out of fear.

Ukyo blinked, losing a large amount of her anger. "Huh?"

"I don't know about you, but I'd really prefer not to die naked by a oversized cooking implement!"

Ukyo, just recognizing then that the boy was indeed bare, turned away, blushing, before grabbing the stack of clothes on the table, and throwing it over her back to him. Magnus grabbed them all, sliding into them as fast as possible. "Okay, I'm dressed now."

Ukyo turned back around, followed immediately by the giant battle aura and the angry eyes. "**Now **you're going to pay!"

"Okay, Ukyo, . . . I know you're upset." Magnus said, trying to diffuse the situation again. "But I have an explanation."

"I don't care!"

"Okay, then . . . never mind." Magnus replied, before becoming pale. "Should I stand paralyzed in fear, or run around screaming?"

(Autotyper 2000: There! Got it!)

Ukyo just gritted her teeth, running across the room, straight for the boy. Deciding that the first one would probably be less painful, or at least quicker, he didn't move, simply shutting his eyes and praying for it to end.

Which is why the loud, metallic CHNK! surprised him. Peering out, he noticed Nabs holding the spatula away with a kunai taken from her current cosplay costume, with Ukyo glaring at her, and trying to overpower the AI.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Ukyo shouted.

Nabs, now the real thing, glared at her. "I can't let you hurt him right now. Unless you want to go to jail for kidnapping."

Ukyo loosed her grip in surprise. "What do you mean?!"

"Simple." Nabs replied. "We have a copy of Magnus's whole story on record, and it could be inferred that you kidnapped him as a ferret, taking him from the studio against his will, and then locking him in your home and willingly exposing yourself to him."

"Exposing . . ." Ukyo mumbled, blinking at Nabs. "You've got to be kidding me!"

Nabs shook her head. "I'll press charges, if you want."

"You're bluffing!" Ukyo shouted back.

Magnus stared behind him. "Should I just stand here?" he asked quietly.

"I'll give you a deal, Ukyo." Nabs replied. "You keep this a secret, and don't kill Magnus, and everything's gone. Deal?"

Ukyo gritted her teeth, then growled out a, "Fine!" Nabs smiled, nodded, and slid back, letting the battle spatula fall to the ground. Ukyo suddenly thought of something. "As long as I don't kill him, can I still beat him up?"

Nabs contemplated that for a moment, before nodding. "Yeah, sure, why not."

Magnus stared. "You're kidding, right, Nabs?" Nabs glanced back, then shook her head. Magnus turned back to Ukyo, and saw she was back with her angry eyes and battle aura. "Eeep."

- - -

SLAM! Nabs sighed as Ukyo disappeared out the door and back into the hall, before she walked over to the author. The boy was lying on the ground, contorted into a strange yoga position gone horribly wrong, smoke trailing off his body. "Well, Magnus, let me try fixing you up."

Magnus sighed. "Thank you." Was his muttered reply.

Then, the change happened.

"AAAAAHHH!!" Magnus screamed.

"Whoa, that looks painful." Nabs observed. "Guess the healing isn't working either."

"Please tell me UNDO still WORKS!"

"Here, let me check." Nabs replied.

"PLEASE DO!"

The change was then undone.

Magnus, painfully moving his limbs back into position from his **original** beating, slowly, sat up. "Jeeze, does anything still work? Like, maybe . . . your brain?! What the hell made you sell me out to Ukyo like that?!"

Nabs blinked. "What do you mean?"

"You said Ukyo could beat me up! Why would you do that?!"

Nabs sighed. "Magnus, she's angry at you, for nothing from my view, but she's mad. So, let her blow off some steam, and maybe things can work out. You seemed to be the most logical person to let that steam off on." She paused for a moment. "Plus, I spent hours on this Hinata Hyuuga costume. I don't want it to get ruined on the first day."

"But aren't you a computer? Can't you just reload the clothing again?"

Nabs thought for a moment. "Wow, Ranma and company really messed things up. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Ranma?" Magnus muttered, before remembering that other characters did exist. "Ranma . . . this is all your fault! And Ryoga and Mousse's too! . . . Oooo, I just thought of the perfect favor from them. They are so going to pay for this one day!"

There was a long pause.

"So, I guess that's it for today."

Magnus blinked, before shrugging. "Yeah. Chapter's done. Let's go home."

(Autotyper 2000: It's seven-thirty AM!)

Nabs glanced at the computer. "Seven-thirty? Wow, guess not. We got stuff for today, right?"

Magnus sighed. "Yeah, Ranma and Akane are coming by. Guess we got work to do."


	12. This Chapter has no Point

**12. (This Chapter has no Point):**

KNOCK-KNOCK!

"It's open!" Magnus shouted, his voice muffled by the desk.

The door creaked open and two teens walked in. "All right, Magnus, we're here." Akane said, looking around the room for the boy. It was kind of dark, though. "Why are the lights off?"

"The switch is by the door." Magnus replied in a very cold voice.

CLICK! The lights snapped on, and Akane and Ranma saw the boy. His face was flat on his desk, his arms dropped to the sides, hanging down limply, the computer sitting unused. "Magnus? You okay?" Ranma asked.

"Fine."

Akane walked towards the desk. "You look upset. Is something wrong?"

Suddenly, the writer sat up angrily. "It's all your fault, Ranma!" the boy shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Ranma.

"W-what did I do?!" Ranma asked back.

Magnus opened his mouth to say something, but stopped. He sighed, before dropping his arm again. "Forget it, it doesn't really matter anyway."

Akane glanced between the two. "Ranma, what did you do?"

Ranma paused, thinking, before something clicked in his head. "Uh, no idea, Akane. Maybe we should ask Nabs?"

"She's in the break room." Magnus replied.

Akane glanced between the two boys, seeing neither one was moving, before sighing and walking to the door. "Fine, I'll get her."

When the girl disappeared into the next room, Ranma sighed. "Magnus, ya can change back if you wanna'. Take the Naniichuan. If you feel that bad 'bout it, go ahead."

Magnus glanced up at him. "No, Ranma, I said I would wait, and I'm going to." Then he glared at the Japanese boy. "And the computer's too messed up right now to change that anyway." He looked away wistfully. "Besides, that's not the real problem."

"Then what is?"

The door swung open. "Jeeze, Magnus, are you still depressed?"

The boy let his head drop back down to the desk with a loud THUNK!

"Guess so."

(Autotyper 2000: Yep, definitely depressed. Poor, insignificant freak.)

"What happened?" Akane asked.

"Nothing!" Magnus said suddenly. "Nothing at all."

Nabs sighed. "Magnus, did you do the disclaimer yet?"

A long pause.

"No."

(Autotyper 2000: I'll do it. Hey, for the stupid loser lying on the desk right next to me, please don't sue us for using Rumiko Takahashi's _Ranma ½, _because we do not own it, or most of the other stuff referenced in the course of this fic. We have no money anyway. He spent it all on powdered iced tea mix. Again.)

"What about the public service announcement you had planned for today?"

"That's today?" Magnus asked glumly, leaving his head on the desk.

Nabs sighed. "Magnus, what's happened to you? You were a great writer."

"Meh."

"You need some energy!"

"Huh?" Magnus replied, looking up at the AI, still dressed in her Hyuuga Hinata cosplay outfit.

Energy?"

"Yeah, some enthusiasm again! Where's the crazy freak from the last eleven chapters?! Huh?!"

"Enthusiasm." Magnus replied wistfully, a small twinkle in his eyes.

"Yeah, Magnus! You can do it!"

"Yeah."

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"YEAH!" Magnus screamed, jumping up.

Nabs took a step towards him. "Are you going to keep writing?!"

"YEAH!"

"Are you going to keep working?!"

"YEAH!"

"Who's ready?!"

Magnus threw a hand in the air. "I'm ready!"

"Who's ready?!"

"I'M READY!"

"WHO'S READY?!!"

Magnus jumped in the air, screaming, "I'MMMM REEAADDYY!!!!"

Nabs paused for a second, before shouting, "Hey, Magnus!"

"YEAH!"

"Hey, Magnus!"

"YEAH!"

"Show us how to get down!"

"NO WAY!"

"Show us how to get down!"

"O-KAY!"

Magnus begins prancing around the room, in some sort of body movement that, under circumstances of extreme drunkenness or serious drug highs, could be considered dancing. "D! O! W! N! That's the way to get down! WHOO! D! O! W! N! That's the way to get down! WHOO!"

Nabs paused again. "Feeling better?"

"Oh yeah!" Magnus shouted.

There was a long pause.

"Um, . . . what the hell was that?!" Ranma shouted.

"Oh, well, uh," Magnus began, "it's this thing we do at football games between the pep band and the cheerleaders, and then the fans, and . . . uh . . . never mind." The two Japanese people blinked. "Well, anyway," he began again, confidently, turning to the audience, "It's time for a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!"

(Autotyper 2000: YAY! Public Service Announcement!)

"ALL RIGHT! THIS TIME . . ."

"Enough with the yelling!" Nabs shouted, grabbing Magnus on the shoulder.

(Special Nabs Note!: Just in case you were wondering, the really sad part about the above enthusiasm scene is that **it's all true**.)

The boy blinked. "Heh, sorry." Nabs slowly let go, before the boy turned back to the task at hand. "Anyway, this time, it's more of an announcement, but . . . anyway, what's going to happen is we are going to have a big Q&A day later in the story. Around the end of the season or so."

"'Q&A'?" Ranma asked. "You're havin' a question day? Why?"

"Well, there's plenty of unanswered stuff that happens in your comics, and I'm sure people have questions for me and my story too, . . .

(Autotyper 2000: Yes Magnus, I'm sure they do.)

". . . so I thought it would be good to have a chapter where we answer some questions."

Akane shuddered. "Are . . . you sure that's a good idea? They're probably going to want the right answers."

"Well, that's why I'm going to get you two to help! And whatever review questions we like, emails, and stuff I find on the web will make the cut! So, even if people don't have any stuff, I'm going to get things too. So, hopefully we get some informative answers!"

"I got a bad feelin' about this." Ranma replied.

"Oh, come on. While we may not use all the stuff you reviewers send us, I can promise you we will have some interesting stuff happen. It wouldn't be funny if we didn't."

There was a long pause.

"Are you sure about this?"

"No. But hey," Magnus replied, "it'll be fun, right?!"

Another long pause.

"Well, . . . whatever." Ranma replied. "Now, what didja' want us here today for?"

"Right, the story!" Magnus shouted. "We are way behind schedule."

Nabs blinked. "We have a schedule?"

Another long pause.

"Okay, so we have a lot of work to do. Let me load up the scene, and go over the plot, and . . ." Magnus began typing on the computer as his voice trailed away. "Okay, hang on you two!"

WHUMP! A large boulder smashed Ranma into the floor.

A long pause.

"Magnus?"

The boy shuddered. "Oops."

Akane looked over at the boulder "Now what?"

"Uhh . . . We're going to take a break. A **long** break. Get the boulder off him, and don't let him come back for a few weeks."

"Huh? Why?"

"I don't want to die!" Magnus shrieked, huddling under the desk.

Akane gave him a strange look, before shaking her head. "Whatever you say. What are you going to do?"  
"Fix the computer so that **never **happens again."

(Autotyper 2000: Nabs, five hundred yen say's it'll happen again.)

Nabs sighed. "Well, duh!"


	13. Teenage Mothers

**13. Teenage Mothers:**

(Autotyper 2000: Two weeks, if you forgot. Yep, two weeks since last chapter. For a recap, um, . . . well, nothing really happened last chapter, so . . . DISCLAIMER! Magnus's turn!)

Magnus glanced up from the screen. "Huh? It's my turn? I thought it was Nabs turn."

The girl, this time dressed as Soul Reaper Rukia Kuchiki, shook her head slowly. "Nope. It was yours last time, but Autotyper did it."

"Will you just hurry up already, jackass?!" Ukyo shouted at Magnus, pointing her spatula at the boy threateningly.

Magnus, paling, nodded. "Uh . . . sure thing, Ukyo. Um, anyway, go to and there should be a disclaimer there. Yeah."

There was a long pause.

"So, now what?" Akane asked.

"Oh, right, the scene." Magnus replied, sliding back up to his computer and beginning to type, occasionally glancing up at the group of people out in the field. There was Shampoo, Akane, Ranma, Ryoga, Ukyo, and Konatsu. Mousse and Nabiki were off behind the desk, sitting off stage with Magnus and Nabs. "Are you all ready?"

"Yeah, we're ready." Ryoga said calmly, plopping down in a chair.

"Okay . . ." Magnus began, typing in a few more keys, before Ucchan's was filled with a number of customers, all sitting and eating and happily chatting, ignoring the only real living people around, "Go!"

"Ryoga, come on, ya got to have a better plan than that!" Ranma began, for the first time at the right time.

Ukyo muttered something to herself at the freeloaders, before handing several dirty plates off to Konatsu to wash. The ninja-boy took them and disappeared into the back room.

"Look, it isn't that much of a problem, Ranma. Jokenzaku, the new guide of Jusenkyo, is going to get us to Jyuuban! Then we can get the Jewels of Jabanui from Jaburo!"

Magnus uttered a quiet "Finally!" when Ryoga pronounced the whole line correctly.

"It's about time." Nabiki muttered, before turning to Magnus, leaning in to grasp him by the shoulder. "Don't ever make the names that complicated ever again, okay?"

"Yeah, I know." Magnus began, sighing. "I didn't think it was that hard, though."

KNOCK-KNOCK! The whole world flickered at the sound of the knocking at the door. Magnus glanced up at the screen, showing there was someone at the door. "Oh, you got to be kidding me. We finally get it right, and . . . EERGH!" he groaned before hopping up from his chair. "Take a break, everyone. We'll come back to this in fifteen minutes."

"About damn time!" Ukyo shouted, turning to the break room, throwing the door open, and disappearing inside.

Nabs sighed from the computer area as Magnus began stomping his way to the door. Nabiki watched the chef disappear, followed by the others, including Mousse, and then her AI incarnate's reaction. "Something wrong with Ukyo? She seems a bit more aggravated with Magnus than most people are."

Nabs sighed. "It's a long story."

"I have time."

"It's too long for today."

"You better tell me eventually, then."

The computer girl sighed again, shaking her head. "Eventually. But not now."

Magnus grabbed the doorknob, flinging it open. "Hello, sir!" a small salesman said cheerily. "Can I interest you in some magazine sub . . ." SLAM! Magnus shook his head as the knocking continued. "Sir? Sir? Hmm, must have left again."

Magnus began walking back to the computer. "Every day, he comes by. Ooo, I can't stand him!" KNOCK-KNOCK! "UUUGH! Not again!" Magnus walked back to the door, flinging it open. "What?!"

"Package for Magnus 17!" A male deliveryman shouted, stuffing the package into the boy's hands.

"Oh, sorry. Thank you." Magnus said, calming down.

"Sign here, please." The man said, handing the boy a clipboard and a pen. After a few scribbles and several chicken scratches (Autotyper 2000 Ultraspeed note: Those are euphemisms for bad handwriting.) later, Magnus handed the clipboard back. "Thank you!" The man replied, walking out. Magnus shut the door, smiling.

"Well, I guess that wasn't so bad."

"Hey, what ever happened to that first package you got?" Nabiki asked.

Magnus paused, thinking and rubbing his forehead. "Hmm, package, package . . . uh, when was that, Nabs? You ought to have the story on record."

"Chapter one." Nabs replied impassively.

"Oh yeah!" Magnus replied. "I forgot to open that. Where is it?"

"Sitting in the same spot on the desk for the past month or so."

Magnus glanced at the desk, noting a large, dusty package sitting there. "Heh, right." Placing the new one next to it, he grabbed the first box, and pulled it open immediately. "Oh yeah! I can't believe I forgot about this!" Magnus shouted, clutching the box-shaped contents of the package.

"What is it?" Nabiki asked, leaning up out of the chair and stretching.

Magnus grinned as he showed her the box cover. "Its software to protect my computer from hackers and people trying to mess with my programs. It'll also lock it out so that people I don't want to use it, can't, **and** . . ."

There was a pause after Magnus voice died off, his face darkened, and his head dropped. Nabiki blinked. "What?"

"The problem is," Magnus said calmly, before his voice rose to a shout, "it would have been helpful THREE WEEKS AGO!"

"That's what you get for not opening your mail." Nabs chided, as Magnus stormed back around the desk, walking to the shelves to put the box away.

"Hello?" a voice said, as the front door opened without a knock. Magnus, still grumbling, didn't look up, but Nabs and Nabiki did, leaning around the desk to see who was there. The door continued opening, as the voice spoke again. "Is this Magnus 17's writing studio?"

"Yes, it is." Nabs replied, walking around to go to the door. "Can I help you?"

The person stopped opening the door. "Is . . . is . . . um, well, I'm looking for . . . is Ukyo Kuonji here?"

Nabs blinked, before walking to the door. "Yes, she is. Did you want to meet her?" She grabbed on the door, and began to pull it open.

Or at least tried to. The figure gripped the door tightly, trying to keep it from opening. "Um, yeah . . . could I?"

"Well, you have to open the door first, but sure."

The door suddenly released, and a young girl with short, dark brown hair stood at the doorway. She was wearing a pair of children's jeans and a long-sleeved shirt with cute little animals drawn on it. Her size and face appeared to be that of someone about twelve, maybe younger.

Nabs was about to say something, when the door opened. "Magnus, please tell me this time we aren't going to spend an hour and a half learning our lines."

Magnus muttered a "no", but the new girl didn't hear it. Her eyes were securely locked on Ukyo. "Is that . . ."

Nabs nodded to the girl. "Yes, that's Ukyo. Come on, I'll introduce you." Nabs said with a smile, before she realized the girl was gone.

Looking up, the girl was sprinting towards Ukyo, who, upon seeing the sprinting blur rushing towards her, eeped back in surprise, dropping the bottle of water she had brought from the break room onto the floor. The girl jumped, grabbing Ukyo around the neck.

"I found you! I finally found you!" The girl squealed happily, nuzzling against the teenager's face.

Ukyo struggled a minute, before latching on the girl as well as she began to slide away. "Whoa, hold on a second, sugar. Who are ya?"

"AAAAHHH!" Ranma shouted from the back room, his voice switching midway through from masculine to feminine. "Akane! Why are you carryin' that much ice water?!"

"I'm thirsty!" Akane screamed back. "Sue me if you don't like it!"

The girl leaned back, ignoring the background noise, looking into the teen's eyes. She smiled. "Me? I'm your daughter, Tomoyo!"

"WHAT?!" Ukyo, Nabiki, and Nabs sounded.

WHAM! "GAAHH!" Magnus shouted, slamming his head into a shelf as he stood up suddenly. "Ow, . . . man, that stings!" Sliding back, he stood up. "What's going on?"

Nabs glanced over at the author. There was surprise, actual **surprise**, on her face. "Well, it appears Ukyo . . . has a daughter."

"WHAT?!" Magnus screamed, drawing the rest of the group into the room. There, they saw the okonomiyaki chef with a small girl in her arms, nuzzling her face gently.

"What's going on?!" Akane shouted.

Suddenly, a new voice arose. "MOM!"

(Autotyper 2000: Wow, this would be a **really** cruel place to cut the chapter off, wouldn't it? So, it's too bad the chapter's over . . . Oh well.)


	14. Threads of Fate

**14. _Threads of Fate_:**

Everyone turned back to the door as Ukyo clutched the young girl in her arms; Nabiki, Magnus, and Nabs looked over from the desk; and the rest of the group, consisting of Mousse, Ranma (Autotyper 2000 Ultra-Super-Fast Note: In girl form, remember!), Akane, Shampoo, Ryoga, and Konatsu, stood by the doorway to the break room. Another short blur raced by, zooming over to its target and grabbing onto her leg.

There was a short pause.

"Um, do you think you could let go of that?" Nabiki asked quietly, as a young, black haired boy clung onto her leg. He looked up at her, shocked.

"Mom?!" the boy asked, his eyes suddenly on the verge of tears. "You don't like me anymore?!"

Nabiki is, as is well known, a very strong and stern person. But come on, who can't keep from breaking down when a little kid goes to the **verge** of tears?!

The teen leaned down, peeling the kid off of her leg, and gently holding him by the shoulders. "Hey, hey, don't cry. I'm sorry." The girl began, her brain running overtime to try to figure out what to say. "I just . . . haven't seen you before."

The boy blinked, sniffling, before suddenly becoming cheerful. "Oh, yeah, that's right! That's because . . ."

"Mother!" a new voice sounded, as a new form rushed into the room, barreling straight for Akane. And the girl, who was not only heading for Akane but smiling at her, glomped on as gently as possible. Akane was about to respond when two new voices sounded.

"MOM!" the two person chorus began, as the sound of running footsteps rung through the room.

(Autotyper 2000: Okay, guess who?! Go ahead, guess! You can think about it while I do the disclaimer! Do do doo, do do DOO, Don't own nothin', please don't sue, you don't like it, just go 'way! . . . AHH! No, wait, don't go away! Please, keep reading! Please! No, don't go for the back button! What?! You aren't? Okay, good . . . uh, yeeeeaahh.)

Ranma and Shampoo looked down at the two new children clinging to them. Magnus blinked. "Uh, Nabs, what's going on?"

The AI turned back to the author. "I have no idea." She glanced around, when something clicked in her head. "But I just thought of one. Is the analysis programs working?"

Magnus nodded. "First thing we fixed." The boy watched her for a moment, before the same idea hit him. "Oh, I see. Yeah," he replied, snapping his fingers, "we can do that."

Nabs smiled, as the rest of the group alternated between the snuggling children and the author and his AI. The cosplaying computer program focused for a moment, before a small metal tool appeared in her hand. Walking to the nearest pair, which was Ukyo and the first girl, she stopped next to them. "Ukyo." The AI commanded. "Give me your hand."

The chef stared a moment, before shifting about, and handing her a hand. Nabs scratched it lightly, before smiling. "What is it?" she asked.

Nabs glanced down at the end of the tool with the small skin scraping on the end. Staring intently at it, a small, red laser shot out from one eye, casting a red dot on the sample, before suddenly disappearing. "Okay, your turn." She said to the girl in Ukyo's arms, turning the tool over. The girl blinked, then stuck out one of her hands. Nabs, repeating the process or scratching and scanning, smiled up at the girl when the red beam disappeared, before turning back to Magnus.

"Well, Nabs?" The author asked, unsure what to hope for.

"She's not joking; half the sequences match. That girl is almost certainly Ukyo's daughter." Nabs replied, walking back to the desk.

"Wait a second!" Ukyo shouted. "What are you talking about?! How did you just figure that out?!"

(Autotyper 2000: Oh, come on, don't you people watch crime dramas anymore?!)

"DNA, Ukyo." Nabs replied over her shoulder. "You know, the genetic code that makes up every person's individual body. You have thirteen chromosomes in your code that she does too. And not just any thirteen, but exactly one of each of the thirteen chromosome pairs, which is given from parent to child. She **is** your daughter."

"You're telling me you checked **both** our DNAs in ten seconds?!" Ukyo shouted. "It has to take longer than that!"

Magnus blinked. "Um, Ukyo, . . . we drained people's memories with a vacuum cleaner. Don't you think we would be able to check someone's DNA really fast?"

Ukyo stared. "Wait, you can drain people's memories with a vacuum cleaner?!"

"Yeah, that's how we figured out how to make Fuko for Ranma."

Ukyo blinked, before remembering the events of the last few weeks. She scowled at Magnus. "Jerk-face!" she muttered under her breath at him.

"Mom?!" The girl in her arms shouted suddenly. "How could you say that about Dad?!"

Everyone immediately turned to her, as a quiet breeze replaced the sound in the room. "Did . . . you just call Magnus . . . DAD?!" Ukyo asked. The girl nodded. "That's . . . not possible! I've only known him for a month and a half!"

The girl smiled. "Oh, right, I forgot to explain how I got here! I'm from the future!" Another long period of silence.

"The future?" Ukyo asked calmly.

"Yep!"

"Me too!" The boy replied to Nabiki.

"And me!"

"Me four! Hee hee!"

"Myself as well."

Magnus blinked, along with the whole rest of the group. Ranma glanced down at the girl who claimed to be her daughter. "Well, if you're from the future, who's your father?"

"Yes, who is?" Shampoo asked, before hearing Mousse slink over in her direction, trying to become **very** visible.

All the children, except for the one in Ukyo's arms, pointed in one direction.

"Um, you're kidding, right?" the boy being signaled at replied.

All the children shook their heads together.

"You're serious?"

The children nodded.

"Really?"

Another nod.

Ukyo glared daggers at the boy in question. "Oh, Magnus?"

The boy slowly took a step back. "You're all going to kill me now, aren't you?"

All the teenage girls in the room nodded.

Suddenly, as if chance sided with Magnus for a change, an idea flew into his head. "Wait a second! You all said you were from the future, right?" The children nodded. "So, it's possible that they are all from **different **futures, and out of the millions upon millions of futures, there were **five **which had **one **child who came back in time to meet you here **now**, and coincidence simply made it all happen at **this** moment!"

"That is the dumbest piece of. . ." Ukyo began, before being cut off.

The girl in front of Akane slipped away, pulling a small computer pad from the void, and beginning to scribble on it with a plastic stylus. "That's true, Magnus. There are millions of possible futures. Right now you have . . . five hundred thirty-nine million, eight hundred twenty-six thousand, seven hundred ninety-one possible futures."

"Really, Tohru-chan?!" The boy next to Nabiki asked.

The girl nodded. "Sure is, Shigure-chan."

"How many do I have?!" the girl next to Ranma asked.

Tohru looked down, writing on the computer again. "Okay, Ai-chan, you have . . ."

"WAIT A SECOND!" Ukyo screamed. "You all know each other?!"

Tomoyo smiled at her mother. "Of course! We're all from the same future!"

Another long, quiet breeze.

"Oh, Magnus?" The girls chorused.

(Autotyper 2000: You're dead?)

Nabs glanced up. "You're dead?"

Magnus stared at the crowd. "I'm dead?"

The girls all nodded together.

The children, however, were not quiet this time. "No! We won't let you hurt him!" Tomoyo shouted. "Everyone, defensive pattern thirteen C!"

All the children rushed over, sliding into position in front of Magnus, fanned out to cover him. Tomoyo swung her hands up into an attack stance. Shigure pulled two sticks off of his back, spinning them together to form a staff, which was then swung in front of himself in an attack stance. Tohru drew a small metal object from her pocket, which a large energy sword grew out of. Aiko drew out seven throwing knives, sweeping her hand back to prepare to throw them. And Chiizo (Autotyper 2000 Ultra-Super-Amazingly-Hyper-Fast Note: Chiizo is Shampoo's daughter!) swung out two fans, spinning them in her hands.

Tomoyo glared down all the other people in the room. "We don't want to fight, but we won't let you hurt the Supreme Commander of the Universe!"

Another, very long, quiet breeze.

"Did . . ."

"You . . ."

"Just . . ."

"Say . . ."

"Supreme . . ."

"Commander . . ."

"Of . . ."

"The . . ."

"Universe?!" Magnus finished, each person chipping in a word before insanity re-blocked their mind.

(Konatsu-gram!; "How come I don't have a part in this joke?!")

The children looked up at him. "Well, yeah, of course." Tohru replied, before her eyes widened. "Oh my gosh! We forgot to tell you that!"

"Well, that's always good . . . You keep forgetting things, don't you, Tohru. And yet, you're the smart one? Huh, go figure. I hope you five haven't forgotten what our mission **is**, have you?" a new, male voice asked as the door gently swung open.

Everyone turned, followed by a collective "GASP!"

(Autotyper 2000: YAY! Cruelty time! Because the chapter's over!)


	15. Preventing Great Bodily Harm

**15. Preventing Great Bodily Harm:**

The group all looked to the doorway, and there stood a new person. Tall, older, lean, handsome, and blonde, he leaned against the wall, staring out into the crowd. "You're the smartest person here, and you still can't remember that we got a job to do, Tohru."

"Saicho-kun!" Tomoyo shouted. "Where have you been?!"

The teen sighed. "Unlike you, I've been searching for our target, instead of running around at random trying to find my parents in the past."

Shigure blinked at him. "But you're the one who said we should!"

Leaning against the doorway, the boy sighed. "Fine, go ahead."

"YAY!" Aiko screamed, before dropping her knives into the floor and bounding over to Ranma again, before glomping on tightly.

The rest of the group, except Tomoyo, quickly rushed back to their mothers-of-the-future in similar fashions. The first girl turned and walked to Saicho. "Did you find anything?" she asked excitedly.

"I found one of the scientists, but no plans yet. We need to keep looking." Glancing up, he scanned over the rest of the group. "Where's Daiko?"

Tomoyo glanced through the room, before turning back to him. "I thought he was with you."

"He's lost AGAIN?!" Saicho shouted, before leaning back against the wall. "Great, now we have to find the little maniac."

"Oh, he's probably just trying to get some ice-cream again."

Magnus, followed by Nabs and Konatsu, suddenly slid up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up a sec. What's going on here?! Why did you come back from the future, anyway?!"

"Why did we come back?" Saicho asked. "Oh, right, nobody told you yet."

"You sent us back, father, to stop World War V." Tomoyo interjected.

Nabs blinked. "World . . . War . . . **five**?!"

"Yep."

Konatsu blinked as well. "But there's only been two world wars. How can we be up to five already?"

Saicho leaned in. "Well, apparently, World War III was expected to be a nuclear holocaust, and World War IV was expected to be a battle similar to the movie series _STAR WARS_, so we needed a new number for this war's superweapon."

"What superweapon was that?" Magnus asked calmly.

The two children looked at each other, thinking. Tomoyo was first. "It had . . . plastic explosives . . ."

"Video cassette tapes . . ." Saicho added.

"Silly Putty . . ."

"And. . . .uh, I forgot the last thing, but when they're all mixed together, it's about fifty times more powerful than napalm."

Nabs leered at them. "Plastic explosives, VCR tapes, Silly putty, and something else made an explosive?"

The boy nodded. "You wouldn't believe how fast it sold out video shelves. They actually had to make more copies of _Gigli _and _The Godfather: Part III_."

Konatsu blinked. "You're kidding, right?"

The two people from the future shook their heads.

"You're not kidding?!" Magnus asked.

They nodded.

"And I become . . . the Supreme Commander of the Universe?! I mean, that seems like a stretch to me. I'm not much of a leader, and I'm pretty lazy. Plus . . ."

"Don't worry, Pop, you get plenty of time to write!"

"WHOO HOO!" Magnus screamed, throwing his arms in the air. "Okay, maybe the future won't be totally terrible!"

Nabs suddenly turned back to the boy. "Did you just call Magnus 'Pop'?"

The boy nodded. "Yep."

Magnus's arms suddenly dropped. "Oh, no. Not again." He glanced back around the room. "Okay, just lay it on me. Who here is going to kill me twice now?"

"Huh?" the boy asked. "Oh, right, um . . . I don't . . . she's not here."

"What do you mean? She's not . . . Akari?! Oh god, Ryoga'll kill me!"

"No, it's . . ."

"Not KODACHI!" Magnus screamed. "I . . . I . . . AHHHHH!"

"No, not her! I'm trying to say that Mom's not a _Ranma ½ _character!" Saicho shouted.

Magnus blinked. "Oh."

"No, she's someone you met . . . uh, I can't remember. She was . . . uh, something about . . . well, she wasn't someone most people would consider out of the ordinary. Not even an anime character at all. She worked here at the studio for a while, but I can't put my finger on the name right now. I've got Glortulacks (Autotyper 2000 Ultra-super-amazingly-fast-hyperspeed-'so-fast-you-don't-even-break-your-train-of-thought'-megaspeed Note: Hi.) on the brain, and I can't get them out to remember what it was, if you can believe it."

Nabs glanced back. "Glortulacks?!"

Tomoyo nodded. "Yeah, we're involved in an interstellar war with them, so the seven of us were chosen since we weren't involved in the combat right now."

"Oh."

Konatsu blinked. "I'm . . . confused."

"Well, don't worry about it." Saicho said, before turning back to the rest of the room. "All right, everyone, we've got to get going. World War V and all that!"

The girls and boy, excluding Tomoyo, all said their quick goodbyes, before rushing over to Saicho. Tomoyo glanced around. "All right, everyone, let's move out." The group nodded, and began walking out. "Saicho, I'll catch up in a second." The boy nodded, leading the others out of the room, and closing the door.

Tomoyo, rushing around the desk and gathering up the weapons everyone had dropped on the floor, she brought them over, dropping them next to Ukyo. Turning to her mother, she smiled, before grabbing onto her again. "Bye Mom. And remember, on July 31st, go to . . ."

The door swung open. "Tomoyo!" Saicho shouted. "I have to remind you we're not supposed to change the future any more, remember?!"

"Oh, all right!" the girl said, pouting. The boy nodded, and left again, leaving the door open. She turned back to Ukyo. "Well, bye, mom. Hopefully, you'll see me again one day." She kissed her lightly on the cheek, gathered everything up, then ran out the door, slamming it behind herself.

There was a long pause.

"Well, that was odd." Ryoga replied to the silence. There was a group nod.

Suddenly, something clicked in Ukyo's head. Which then went through every other girl's heads in the room, save Nabs. "Oh, Magnus?" Ukyo said politely. "Where were we a moment ago, just before the kids jumped in our way?"

"Uh," the author began, thinking back, "um . . . Oh, right!" he said, snapping his fingers. "You were all about to kill me!" A long, quiet breeze. "Uh oh." The girls all drew weapons of some sort, excluding Nabiki, who drew out a notepad and a pen. "Hey, I just got a great idea for a public service announcement!"

(Autotyper 2000: Public Service Announcements! YAY!)

Magnus turned to the audience. "For all you out there who might one day venture into the world of _Ranma ½_, just know this one thing. If you are **ever** involved in a dangerous situation, are male, and the danger is a single or multiple girl attack, just do one thing!" He said with a smile, giving the thumbs up sign. "**RUN!**"

Throwing the door open, the American boy raced out the door, screaming "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" followed quickly by several enraged girls shouting after him as they disappeared down the hall.

There was another long pause as the door slowly swung shut.

Konatsu sighed, shaking his head, before muttering, "All of a sudden, I'm glad I'm not a big part of this joke."

"Well, I guess that's it for today." Nabs said calmly. "Come back in about two weeks, everybody."

"Two weeks?" Konatsu asked.

The AI nodded. "It'll take about that long for Magnus to get out of the hospital."

(Autotyper 2000: Yeah. . . . OMG! We forgot the disclaimer! Uh, . . . uh! . . . Don't own anything! So if you sue, all you get are legal fees!)

"Um, hello?" a young, male voice asked at the doorway. Everyone turned to see who was there, and found a young, maybe ten year old boy leaning into the studio. "Is this Magnus 17's writing studio?'

"You just missed him, running down the halls. If you want to find him, you'd better hurry." Nabs replied with a calm tone. "He's probably going to be dead in about five minutes."

"No, I'm not looking for him, I'm looking for . . . MOMMY!" he suddenly screamed, running in.

(Autotyper 2000: Oh, this is not going to be good. I can feel it.)

Having passed Nabs already, Autotyper 2000's prediction was quickly proved true, as he stopped at . . . Mousse.

"E-excuse me?!" Mousse asked, red in the face, and noticing everyone was staring at him.

"Mousse?!" Ryoga shouted. "Does that mean . . ."

"NO!"

"But he said . . ."

"NO!"

"But you could be a . . ."

"NO!"

"Oh, mommy!" The boy said calmly. "It's all because of your second Jusenkyo curse!"

(Autotyper 2000: Kids say the darndest things, don't they, Nabs?)

Nabs nodded, rubbing her temples with her left hand. "All right then, who's your father, little guy?"

The boy pointed him out.

There was a long, dead silent breeze through the room.

"I didn't need to see that." Nabs replied, before shutting down her own program and disappearing.

"Mousse? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Mousse glared up at the boy. "Ryoga, you are **so** dead!"


	16. This Chapter isn't Totally Pointless

**16. (This Chapter Isn't Totally Pointless):**

"I'm just going to say it right now. I don't own _Ranma ½_. There, are you happy now, world? I said it! So, . . . NYAH!" Magnus shouted, shaking his fist at nobody. It wouldn't have been embarrassing . . .

"Angry at your wall again, Magnus?" Nabiki quipped.

. . . if nobody had entered at that exact moment. The boy turned to her, blushing. "N-Nabiki?! What are you doing here?"

"You said we were doing work today, so I figured I'd at least stop by." The girl replied, before her face darkened. "Although, you haven't actually given me a spot in the story yet."

Magnus blinked, before laughing a bit too enthusiastically, worry on his face. "Sorry, no hard feelings. It's just . . . I got to be really careful with your part. I mess things around, and you could deal countless damage to me. Not a very consoling idea for me . . .Oh, and Daisetsu, and probably half the other SI characters in the world, will smash me into the ground."

"Daisetsu?"

"Yeah, you know, the self-insert from _Avatar ½_." Magnus replied. Nabiki just looked blankly at him. "And then _Sequel One Half_ and _Sequel the Other Half_." Nothing. "By Sleepingbear."

"Oh, yeah, right . . . Daisetsu." Nabiki replied. "You read that?"

"'Course I did!" Magnus replied proudly. "It's one of my favorites. Actually, I said that before, didn't I? But anyway, . . . uh, what were we talking about?"

"Today's story." The girl replied dryly.

Nabs suddenly winked into view, dressed as Faye Valentine from _Cowboy Bebop_. "Good timing, Nabiki. You have a big part today."

"Really?"

"Yes, but we need . . . Ranma and Akane too."

The seventeen-year-old wonder-accountant suddenly sighed. "Well, scratch that, then. They're still mad about what happened last time."

"That wasn't my fault!" Magnus shouted back.

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you were upset when every girl in the room happened to be your lover."

"Does everyone in the room have to rub it in my face every chance they get?!"

"Everyone in the room?" Nabiki asked.

"Yes!" Magnus shouted. "You, Nabs, and Autotyper! Every chance you people get, it's that same thing! 'I'm sure you were happy to have every girl in love with you!' Well, I'm not, seeing how all those girls tried to **kill me**! **You **included!"

"Sheesh, calm down, Magnus." The girl replied. "What's with you anyway? People try to kill other people around here all the time."

"Well, not me!" the boy shouted again. "Besides, I don't want a bunch of girls! I can't even get **one **to like me, so why would I want . . . however many I was supposed to end up with!"

Nabiki gave a sly smile. "Oh, so is there someone you like?"

Magnus nodded. "Yeah, actually, I really . . . HEY! No way are you getting it out of me! Since it'll probably turn out that things get worse for me because of that! . . . And I'm not paying anything to get a date set up!"

"Do you think that little of me?"

Magnus turned back to her. "After the last few weeks, and after meeting all the characters in person, . . . yes." He stood up, walking to the break room. "I need a soda."

Nabiki, watching the boy go, followed by the door closing, turned to Nabs. "What's his problem?"

Nabs rolled her eyes. "It's a long story."

The girl glanced around the room, before turning back to the AI. "I don't think I have anything else to do."

- - -

Magnus sighed to himself as he left the break room, turning to shut the door behind him. He needed that sandwich too. Good thing he ate it; at least now he wasn't hungry. "Anybody new come, Nabs?"

"Nope." the AI replied.

Magnus sighed again, before turning back to the rest of the scene room, and saw Nabiki. "Um . . . hey, Nabiki."

"Hi."

"Uh . . . why are you staring at me?"

"I'm not staring at you."

"Yeah, you are."

Nabiki shook her head slightly. "No I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"Nope."

Magnus sighed. "Ooo-kay . . . well, then, . . . why are you trying to look through my forehead with x-ray vision?"

Nabiki paused.

"Well, Nabiki?"

"All right, I'm staring."

There was a long pause. "All right, you're staring at me. Want to say **why**?"

The door swung open. "All right, Magnus, I'm here! Are you happy now?!"

"U-Ukyo?!" Magnus shouted. "You . . . you actually came?!"

"Well, you said you wanted me here, and I promised to help if everyone else would, so here I am!" The girl said loudly, pulling her cat off and placing it on the rack. "Are you happy now?!"

"Uh . . . yeah, thanks for coming." The boy replied cautiously.

The chef looked up. "Where is everyone?"

Nabiki, who **was** staring (Autotyper 2000 Note: She was! I swear!), turned away to look at the other girl. "Well, apparently, it was supposed to be me, you, Ranma, and Akane today, and the two idiots wouldn't come down today because of last time."

Ukyo sighed. "Perfect. Just perfect."

Nabiki smirked. "Hey, Magnus, can you go grab us some sodas?"

The boy blinked. "Huh?"

The girl turned around, pronouncing each word very slowly. "Go . . . get . . . us . . . some . . . sod-as . . . un-der-staaand?"

"What? Why should I," Nabiki glared at him, "uh, right away, Nabiki." The boy turned and raced into the break room.

Ukyo blinked. "Nabiki? What was that for?"

"Hey, Ukyo." The older girl replied. "I have a question for you."

"What is it?"

"What do you think of Magnus?"

Nabs suddenly appeared next to her. "Nabiki!" she whispered into her ear. "You said you wouldn't tell anyone I told you!"

"I won't tell her anything." The girl whispered back. "I'm just asking a question. Plus, I want to see how she brushes him off."

Nabs glanced at her, when the door began to silently creak open as Magnus re-entered the room, and Ukyo began talking.

"Magnus?" Ukyo said loudly, not seeing the door, which immediately stopped opening. "He's a stupid pervert who can write, and that's all. What else is there to know?"

"You really think that's all to him?"

"Absolutely!"

"Why is he a pervert, though?" Nabiki asked, a famous evil smirk on her lips.

"Why?!" Ukyo shouted. "Because . . . because he ended up with twenty girls in the future, at **least**!"

Nabiki blinked. "Really? But he had five hundred million or so futures. And only one had that happen."

"Well, yeah . . ." the chef replied slightly calmer.

"So, why do you really think he's a perv?"

"Because . . ." she began to shout, before she noticed Nabs staring at her. "Because . . . he's a jackass!"

There was a loud sigh from the breakroom, but nobody else heard it as Nabiki kept talking. "Really?"

Ukyo nodded, as the door suddenly opened. "Here you go, Nabiki. Two sodas. One for you, and one for Ukyo." The boy said with a calm voice, placing the cans down on the table.

"Thank you, slave." Nabiki said with a cruel smile, before giggling.

"Ha ha ha." Magnus deadpanned.

Ukyo glanced at him. "So, now what?"

The three stared at each other for a while. "Any ideas, mister author?" Nabiki asked.

"Well," Magnus began, "do you two like Monopoly?"

- - -

(Autotyper 2000: One Monopoly game later! As in . . . thirteen to twenty-nine hours later!)

Nabiki smirked as she left. "Well, I guess that means **I** get first dibs next week. Oh, well, Magnus, you're a winner in spirit." She burst out laughing as she disappeared into the hallway.

Ukyo sighed. "Well, I guess I better get going." The tone was almost happy when she said that, making things worse for Magnus's head.

Magnus, however, suddenly took a deep breath. "Um, Ukyo, I have something for you." The author muttered, reaching into his desk drawer. The girl turned, worried about what it might be, when he stuffed some notes into her hands.

"What's this?"

"It's the money for all the stuff you got me when I was a ferret." Magnus replied. "I'm pretty sure the exchange rate is right, so that should be enough."

"Why are you giving me this?"

"Because, I owe you it." Magnus replied. "I'll pay for all the stuff, and I'll get rid of it for you, if you can bring it here. Unless you got your own ferret already . . . or something."

The girl glared at him. "No, I didn't." her gaze softened a bit though. "I can't take this, though, sugar. It's . . ."

"No, Ukyo, it's fine!" Magnus replied. "You bought it, I'm paying you back what I owe."

"Listen, Magnus, it's fine . . ."

The boy groaned. "Ukyo, just take it. I got too much to deal with to get into an argument right now." He muttered, before going to the break room, slamming the door behind himself.

The girl watched him, before placing the money on the desk, and sliding on her coat. Grabbing the money, she held it in her hand for a moment.

Glancing at the desk, then at the money, she sighed, and walked over to the drawer. Opening it up, she shoved the cash inside, then slammed the drawer. And with that, she left.

(Autotyper 2000: Wow, this chapter ended pretty depressingly. Especially since this **is** a humor piece . . . I know! I'll tell a joke! Um . . . Ooo, I got one! A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar. They all say "OUCH!" HA!)


	17. Maybe Stuff Shouldn't Fall from the Ceil...

**17. Maybe Stuff Shouldn't Fall From The Ceiling?**

Magnus sighed. "Damn it! Nabs is down again!" he muttered quietly, as the door swung open. A familiar purple haired girl entered, dragging along the lost boy behind him. "Hey, you made it. That's good."

"Stupid boy keep going wrong way!" Shampoo shouted, before glaring at Ryoga.

Wrenching his arm free, Ryoga laughed a little, scratching his head. "Well, we're here, aren't we?"

"No thank to you." Shampoo replied.

"Hey, hey, calm down, guys." Magnus said. "We just have a little to do today, and then you two can go. We got three scenes from the Tendo Dojo, and we're set. You got the lines already, right?"

Ryoga nodded. "Yes, you sent them to us in the mail last week."

"All right, get into the scene room, and I'll load up the dojo." Magnus began typing on his computer as the two teens moved to the center of the room. "And, to all the readers out there, I must remind you that I do not own _Ranma ½_. Because . . . uh, I don't have any money." The boy slammed on the enter key.

The world shifted, slowly turning into the familiar Tendo Dojo, devoid of people, with Ryoga and Shampoo standing by the koi pond. The desk disappeared behind the walls of the house, turning into the near perfect representation of reality. Magnus's voice came in over the intercom. "All right, you two, you know where your positions are, right? Shampoo, you're on the rocks by the pond, Ryoga, by the doorway."

The two moved into position. "All right, just give me a second to set up the weather and such."

(Autotyper 2000: Controls language AI my with trouble having I'm, Magnus. Systems my of most down shut to have I. Okay, own you on you're?)

Magnus turned to see the note on the screen. "Uh . . . okay, Autotyper . . . uh, shut down everything, but leave the writing systems up."

(Autotyper 2000: Fine that's, okay.)

Magnus blinked, before turning back to the screen. "Oh, shoot, we need some hot water out there." He began typing on his computer again. "All right, Ryoga, catch the kettle."

The boy looked up to the sky. "Where is it?"

"Hang on just one second." The boy said quietly, before slamming on the enter key. "Here it comes."

WHAM! Shampoo's knees buckled under the hit, before her body tumbled backwards, letting her drop into the koi pond.

"Oh, shit!" Magnus shouted, running around the desk, through the wall, and into the scene. Ryoga leaned in over the pond, not wanting to jump in, which would activate his curse, and simply tried to find the cat-girl from the edge. "Where is she?!" Magnus shouted, stopping next to the boy.

"I . . . there!" Ryoga shouted, pointing to the other side. "Jump in and grab her!"

"Shut it, Ryoga!" Magnus shouted, racing around to a better position.

Ryoga looked up at him. "What was that for?"

"Because of you three idiots, I have a Jusenkyo curse, remember?!" Magnus shouted, carefully pulling the cat and several floating articles of clothing to the edge without falling into the water.

"Oh, right."

"Man, this could be bad." Magnus replied, pulling the woozy cat up, and cuddling it to his chest. "She's not bleeding, but she might be hurt. Do you still have that hot water?"

Ryoga turned to the kettle, to find the contents had spilled all over the ground. "Uh, oops."

Magnus glanced over, before sighing. "Forget it, I'll take her and shut down the scene."

Running back to the same wall, Magnus passed through it easily, thanks to the thin metal necklace he wore.

SLAM! Neko-Shampoo, however, was not wearing one, and therefore smashed, head-first, into the wall, before being smushed against the wall since Magnus's hands could not slip through her.

The boy moved back, before sighing.. "Man, this is bad. We got to do something!" Turning back around, he returned to the koi pond, where Ryoga was. "Here, you hold her."

"What went wrong with the kettle? Did you send it the wrong way?" Ryoga asked, gently taking the cat from the other boy.

Magnus sighed. "I . . . don't know, something must be off with the targeting computer or something, and I'm going to have to fix that too. All I know is we need more hot water."

"The kitchen?"

Magnus nodded. "Best place . . . wait!" He turned towards the side. "I think I left some over there last time I used the program . . . oh, no, wait, I didn't. Well, we better just . . ." Magnus was cut off.

BOOM! FWOOSH! The rainstorm programmed in to be part of the story, began, immediately soaking both boys, and dropping the three of them to the ground, Shampoo head first again.

After a moment, Magnus poked his head out of his shirt collar, his little ferret nose sniffing the air. Taking several more steps out, the rain continuing to pour down, the ferret glanced around, seeing the cat slowly wobble up onto shaky legs, and a pig peeking out of Ryoga's shirt. The ferret turned around, looking up to the dry house, and headed that way, hopping up as best it could, clambering up the wall and into the dry living room. The pig, following the ferret by eyesight, clambered up as well.

Stepping into the room, Magnus shook as much as he could, spraying water everywhere, before stopping. His fur immediately poofed, making the ferret appear to be a giant furry blob. _Okay, Ryoga, this is really bad_.

Ryoga walked up. _What do we do now, Magnus_? That phrase, however, came out as "BWEE!"

_Hubugelebe shangeldorf miggelsangel! _The cat then fell over, still outside.

_Oh, shoot, that's right! We can't reach each other's thoughts! And I don't speak pig!_

"BWEE!"

_Oh, shut up, Ryoga._

"BWEE!"

_Forget it, let's go searching for hot water._ Magnus went walking off, towards the kitchen, as the cat slowly began to rise again.

Ryoga tried to follow, but went heading for the dojo instead.

Magnus stepped into the kitchen, smelling with his nose. The lighting wasn't too bad, since most of the lamps were on, but the kitchen was quite dark with the sun behind clouds and the light bulbs all out. Fortunately, the small whiskers now grown warned the ferret of approaching obstructions he couldn't see. So, he only smashed into the wall three times.

P-chan, on the other hand, was in a brightly lit hallway . . . somewhere.

Magnus continued his exploration, before realizing something. _No way am I going to be able to get up the counter, find the faucet, fill a kettle, and put the water on the heat. I might as well just go . . . what was that?!_

The ferret body stopped suddenly, the ears twitching. A very, **very** faint thump could be heard. Not like someone walking into a wall, but the sound of a foot being placed onto the ground. G e n t l y. The ferret didn't move, gently sniffing the air, and noticed that there was something different.

Slowly, gently, carefully, he turned his head to look behind him. There was a small, crouched shape by the doorway. Looking attentively, he noticed that it was made up of white and purple fur. _Oh, it's just Shampoo. Phew._

He then noticed she was looking at him very carefully. Slowly, her tail swung around, her back arching up. She also looked **very** hungry.

_I hate Karma . . . **sooo** much right now._


	18. Please Don't Kill Me!

**18. "Please Don't Kill Me!":**

Magnus stared at the huddled shape. _Uh, this is bad, isn't it?_

The cat gave a low, guttural snarl, her eyes glaring straight at Magnus.

_Yep, it's bad. So, uh, . . . Disclaimer! I don't own _Ranma ½_. And before you sue me, please let me get out alive first!_

"MREOW!" The cat screeched, rushing forward at the ferret. Magnus, scrambling as fast as he could, began racing around the kitchen before back out the door into the living room. Shampoo slammed into several cabinets running around the kitchen, before racing out to see Magnus jumping up onto the table.

The ferret spun as he landed on top of the table, sliding across the smooth surface with ease. When he turned one hundred and eighty degrees, he saw the cat running towards the table. The ferret continued to feel the table move under his toes as he slid, before the cat leapt up on the table, charging at him with a "MREOW!"

SHOOM! The table fell out from behind the ferret, who took off sprinting back under the table as soon as he touched the ground. The cat flew over the top and off into the wall, before dropping to the ground and turning to follow the other creature. The ferret raced out from under the table on the other side, which the cat tried to follow him under, but had to slow for being too tall. He then turned and ran down the hall towards the dojo.

_AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME! _That's what Magnus wanted to shout right now. Unfortunately, he was a ferret, so it only came out as "SQEEEEEEEAAAK! SQUEAKY SQUEAKY SQUEAK!"

The sound of thundering footsteps came racing up behind him as the cat chased him through the hallway, the two jumping up the first two steps the stairs before racing back down, into the guest room, around the bedding several times, under a table, back out the door, and down the hall. On a stroke of luck and a keen eye, Magnus slid into a mouse hole, safe. Shampoo, however, couldn't stop.

WHAM! The cat slowly dropped back from the wall, stumbling a bit, before falling over. After a moment, Magnus saw the cat stir, and slowly stand back up, shaking out her head. The eyes fluttered open a bit, before there was a quiet moan, and the cat began looking around, smelling. "Meow?" she uttered quietly. "Meow?"

_Maybe, she's back to normal?_

Slowly, carefully, and sniffing the whole time, the ferret began to slide towards the opening, poking his snout out to check to see if the cat would react. The cat glanced over, staring for a moment, before seeing the ferret there. There was a long pause. Fortunately, Magnus had animal reflexes.

SHING! Magnus slammed back into the wall as a paw of claws slammed into the floor where his head was a second ago. _Eeep! . . . I think I'm going to wait . . . just a little longer._

* * *

Ryoga, somehow, managed to make it to Akane's room. Sniffing around, he continued to explore, before coming up to the bed. _Hmm, I need my thinking spot!_ Clambering up, the pig walked over to the pillow, before laying down on it, staring towards the window. _Hmm, I need a plan to get hot water. Now how should I do that?_

The pig sat there, silently thinking.

* * *

He's still there, and still thinking.

* * *

Nothing yet.

* * *

Nope.

* * *

Try again in like . . . five minutes or so.

* * *

Okay, you know, this is pretty . . .

"SNAAAAAAKK . . . whoooooo," The pig breathed out slowly, before snoring again. "SNAAAAAAKK . . . whooooooo."

HE'S ASLEEP!

* * *

Magnus watched as the cat paced back and forth in front of the hole. _Okay, I only got two ideas. One, rush to the bathroom, hop in the hot bath if it's there and run back and grab the necklace, then get off scene, or if there isn't a hot bath, run out the top window to escape the cat. Or two, recruit a super-intelligent mouse named Jerry to make an attack run on the cat while I go for the necklace . . . I'm going to have to go with one. I don't speak mouse._

_Darn, I never get to use that drop out ironing board anymore!_

Slowly approaching the hole, Magnus watched the cat's legs carefully. _If I ram them as I run out, I can gain some ground on her to get to the bath first._ Digging in his claws, the ferret readied his body for the next long run. Taking a slow, deep breath, he relaxed into a low stance, ready to run in a split second. The cat turned back, walking in front of the hole again.

_NOW!_

Sprinting forward, the ferret raced out and knocked away the cat's two front legs, causing it to fall to the ground with a loud THUNK! and a "MREOW!" Continuing to run, Magnus turned the corner, came to the stairs, and was about halfway up before he heard the cat's battle cry and the sound of paws running after him. By the time he was around the corner, he could hear the cat running up the steps.

Guessing correctly, Magnus raced into the furo, sliding through the half opened doors, and was met by a lovely sight. Steamy goodness. _It's HOT!_ He screamed in his head, watching the steam billow up from the bath. With a happy "SQUEAK!" the ferret hopped up the side and jumped in.

In an instant, the boy reverted back to his normal form, before bursting up out of the water, gasping for breath. "Finally!" he shouted, before sighing. "I'm safe."

Suddenly, the cat came racing in, spotting Magnus, and continued to sprint. The boy's eyes widened as the cat lunged up at him, flying through the air, claws extended. "Eeep." The boy replied to himself, before ducking out of the way, letting the cat crash into the wall. Sliding in the bathtub, Magnus swung around to the other side, away from the cat. "She's still trying to kill me!"

The cat lunged again, before the boy ducked again and let the cat go flying overhead into a stack of laundry. Turning to the window, he jumped out of the tub, opened the tiny piece of glass, and pulled himself up just as the cat jumped again, missing his leg, before flopping into the bath. Magnus glanced back only a moment, before seeing Shampoo slide up, blood-fury in her eyes. With that, Magnus threw himself out the window.

The boy began bouncing off the roof as he fell. "OW! . . . WHAT THE . . . AAAGH! . . . AW DAMN! . . . GAAAAAHHH!" The water from the rain was now enough to revert him to his Jusenkyo curse. "SQUEAK! . . . SQUeak! . . . squEAK! . . . SqueaK! . . . . sQuEaK! . . . SqUeAk! . . . SQUEEEEEEEEAAAAK!" SLAM! "s q u e e e e e e a a a k."

The ferret groggily pulled himself up from the ground, before painfully looking up. There he saw the one thing he didn't want to see. "YAAAAAHH!" Shampoo screamed, leaping out the window, and hurtling down towards him, before shifting to cat form again. The ferret took off running, trying to find his shirt. There it was, laying on the ground. He doggedly ran to it.

Sliding up to the collar, he heard the soft noise of the cat landing gracefully on the ground. She turned towards the ferret, the same look of the hunter after the hunted. Magnus furiously dug into his collar, trying to find the necklace. The cat began running in his direction. Magnus continued, unable to find the chain.

"REOW!" the cat roared, before running faster. Magnus froze, afraid for his life and the continued use of his intestinal tract. The cat neared, five meters away. Four meters. Three. Two. Shampoo leapt, pouncing towards the frozen ferret.

WHAM! "All right, Magnus! I'm . . . It's rainin'! What the hell's goin' on!" Ranma shouted, switching from a male voice to a female voice halfway through. There was a quiet "mreeeaowwr." from behind the door, as Shampoo collapsed onto the ground after smashing into the now opened door.

_Ranma! I'm saved! And the door's open, so . . . _Magnus turned to see the walls lovingly transparent, and raced for the one that would get him back to his desk. Sliding into the dry area again, he shook himself, spraying water, before running into the work room, hopping onto his desk, and up to the computer. There, he began typing with the claws, slowly and carefully.

(Autotyper 2000: YAWN! Awww . . . huh? Oh, hey Magnus . . . What's up?)

_HOT WATER! NOW! ON THE CHAIR! _Magnus screamed in his head, before leaping onto the chair.

(Autotyper 2000: Uh, . . . okay.)

A large stream of hot water flowed down, reverting Magnus to human form again. Spinning so he was sitting properly in the chair, the boy began typing immediately on his computer. Ranma, leaving the door open, walked around the wall, before turning her attention to Magnus. "Uh, Magnus?'

The boy didn't look up. "What is it!"

"Why are you writing in your chair . . . naked?"

The boy looked up, blinking at her, before glancing down, and then back up, flushed red. "Uh, Ranma, could you turn around?" The girl blinked, then slowly turned away, muttering something about "crazy writers." "Autotyper, I need clothes . . . And a flame-thrower to burn the chair with."


	19. Damage Control

**19. Damage Control:**

FWOOOOSH!

Lifting his finger gently off the trigger, Magnus stared at his handiwork, as the upholstery and plastic melted down in flames. Smiling, he placed the flame-thrower onto the ground next to his feet, before turning and grabbing the snow shovel. Scooping up the flaming mess, he poured it gently into the trashcan. "Okay, Autotyper, new chair, please!"

(Autotyper 2000: Roger Doger McCodger!)

SLAM! "AAAAHHH!" Ranma shrieked as a large desk chair landed on her.

"Ranma!" Magnus shouted, worried sick. Not totally for Ranma's safety, since he knew she could take it. He was worried about her taking it back out on him.

Pulling the chair off, he helped Ranma back onto her feet. "What the hell was that for!" Ranma shouted, staring accusingly up at the Author.

The American sighed, rubbing the side of his head. "Well, uh, we've had some targeting problems today, so . . . stuff just sort of, uh, falls. We're going to fix it soon. I think."

Ranma gave him a dour glare. "Perfect."

"Hey, it could be worse!" Magnus replied, rolling the chair back behind the desk. "Now, to shut off the storm outside the house." Typing rapidly, the noise outside slowly lessened, before the clouds cleared away to sun. "Ahh, there we go."

"Why don't you shut down the program-thingy?"

"Because, I'd rather get Shampoo back to normal before I do that. So, let's go get the cat." Magnus replied, walking back around the desk and into the real world, carrying a silver chain in his hand, which he then threw around his neck, letting it dangle on his shirt. He handed a second chain to Ranma.

Walking around to where the cat was laying unconscious again, Magnus slammed the door shut, before gently scooping up the cat, and carrying it into the next room. Which, of course, caused a lot of trouble. Forgetfulness can be such a pain.

"EEEEEEEEEKK! CAT!" Ranma screamed, pointing a finger at the cat, before turning and running the opposite direction, tripping over the table and smashing into the wall beyond it with a loud THUD!

Magnus sighed. "Autotyper, hot water, please!"

(Autotyper 2000: Got it!)

"CAAAAAAAAT!"

"Just shut up, Ranma." Magnus replied, placing the cat on the ground. He was about to step back, when a huge stream of water came barreling in from outside.

WHOOOSH!

The wave of water sloshed through the entire house, soaking everyone and everything. Ranma, now male again, slowly stood up, looking around. Magnus, sliding his fingers through his hair to get it out of his eyes, sighed. "Not that much, Autotyper."

(Autotyper 2000: Sheesh! Sor-ry, Mr. Almighty-Powerful-Writer! You forgot to do the disclaimer again too! Which is that we don't own Ranma ½, anything copyrighted we mention, or a cheese farm in Alabama, despite any rumors you may have heard.)

"So, now what?" Ranma asked, shaking the water out of his hair, before turning to face the author.

Magnus sighed again, before slowly turning around to help Shampoo up. "Well, since Shampoo's no longer trying to kill me, we can . . . eep!" The boy froze, staring down at Shampoo.

"Eh? What's up?" Ranma asked, walking towards the other boy, before Magnus suddenly spun around, blushing brightly.

Magnus chuckled, trying to hide his embarrassment. "Oh, you know, I just . . . uh, forgot that people who change back from animal curses are usually, uh . . . you know, naked."

Ranma blinked, before peering around Magnus. His eyes widened, and he turned around too, blushing more. "Right. Gottah' remember that."

"Yeah. Autotyper?"

(Autotyper 2000: Yeah Magnus, what do you . . . hey, wait a second! You can't hear me! I'm just typing on the screen! What good is it for me to respond to you!)

"Uh, could you put some clothes on Shampoo for us?"

(Autotyper 2000: 'Course! . . . hey, since I can't be heard, that means anything I say, you won't be able to hear! Hee hee hee!)

There was the sound of rustling clothing, before Magnus sighed. "Thanks." was the only word he uttered as he turned back to see Shampoo, only to suddenly turn back again. "A BRA AND PANTIES AREN'T ENOUGH, AUTOTYPER!"

(Autotyper 2000: Oh, sorry, let me fix that. . . . You big doofus!)

There was a louder shuffling of clothes, with a peculiar squeak sound, before Magnus and Ranma sighed again. "Good, that's fixed." Magnus replied, which Ranma nodded to, and both boys turned around.

Everyone paused for a moment.

Magnus spun around again, blushing more. Ranma soon followed. "NOT BONDAGE GEAR!"

(Autotyper 2000: Sheesh, everybody's a critic! Whatever happened to free expression! . . . Oh well. By the way, . . . Magnus likes ponies and unicorns, with long eyelashes! And shojo!)

Magnus sneezed.

Ranma glanced over. "Gettin' a cold?"

Magnus glanced back, before shaking his head. "No, but I'm getting the oddest feeling that someone is talking about me." There was another shuffle of clothes, causing both boys to jump. Taking a deep breath, they slowly turned back.

They paused again.

And breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Autotyper, for giving her **regular **clothes." Magnus said aloud, before walking over to her and leaning down to make sure she was okay.

Ranma paused for a second. "Hey, Magnus, what is . . . uh, what did you call it? Bondage gear?"

Magnus froze in place. _I actually have to** tell **somebody what this is! Face to face! GAAAAAHHH! _Slowly, the writer stood up, turning around. "You don't know?"

Ranma shook his head.

Magnus stared for a moment, before something clicked. "That's it! It's because you're only **sixteen**, isn't it! You aren't a cool seventeen year old like me!" Magnus sighed, walking over, and patting the boy on the shoulder. "Oh, you poor, naive fool." Magnus said while shaking his head.

"Why's my age important?"

"No reason, really. It was just to break the unbearable nervousness in my mind of the idea of explaining what it is to someone who has no clue on the subject at all." Magnus replied, before something clicked. "Oh man, I just realized! I'm older than Ranma! YES!" He shouted, jumping in the air for joy. "In your face, Saotome! You may be stronger, better looking, more loved, famous, have your own comic, movie, and TV series, but I'm older! WHOO!"

"And I can kick your ass." Ranma sneered back. "You know that, right?"

Magnus landed on the ground, and didn't move. "Heh, right. But I'm still older!"

"To answer your question . . ." a new voice began.

Magnus glanced over, before blinking. "Oh, Nabs! You're done error checking!"

The girl, dressed in BlackRose's costume from .HackInfection strode over, smiling. "Don't worry, Magnus. I'll handle it."

The boy smiled as if he had just been given ten thousand free manga books. "Thank you, Nabs!" he exasperated, before racing over to the computer.

(Autotyper 2000: Okay, so it was more like eleven thousand, two hundred and forty three, but it doesn't have to be exact, right?)

Ranma glanced over at her, as the computer AI walked up, and leaned into his ear, whispering quietly. Ranma nodded, then blinked, then his eyes widened, his mouth dropped open, and finally, his face turned bright red.

There was a long, quiet pause when Nabs leaned back.

"Give me one second." Ranma said quietly, before turning and walking out the door to the back yard.

SPLASH!

A moment later, the female Ranma walked back in, stopping at her exact place. "Okay, I'm back." she muttered, before her face flushed bright red, she "EEEEK!"ed, and then fainted.

* * *

Slowly, her eyes fluttered, then opened. "Huh?" she murmured quietly, blinking a few times. "Where am I?" Suddenly, a large shape appeared above her face. "EEEK!" SMACK! 

WHAM!

The room was silent for a moment.

A low moan came through the room. "Well, you seem better." Magnus muttered, rolling over and sitting up.

The girl sat up. "What happened?"

"You don't remember, Ranma?" Nabs asked, walking up to the redhead.

(Autotyper 2000: I remember, if you were wondering!)

"It was kind of freaky. Nabs explained bondage, then you jumped in the pond, came back, screamed, and collapsed."

Ranma blinked, before blushing. "Oh, right . . . that."

"Don't scream again."

"What going on?" a new voice, coming from the floor, muttered quietly.

Nabs glanced back over her shoulder. "Oh, look. Shampoo's awake too." The AI walked over to help the Amazon to her feet.

"What happen?" the girl asked as she stood on her shaky feet.

Magnus sighed. "It's a long story." The boy turned and walked behind the desk. "Well, I guess we can finally shut down the scenery."

There was little noise in the room as Magnus began to type. Suddenly, midway through, he stopped. "What's wrong, Magnus?" Nabs asked.

"Ever get the feeling like you forgot something?" the boy muttered. "Something important?"

"Any idea what?" Ranma asked.

The boy simply shook his head. "Nah, don't remember it at all . . . Well, it's probably not important." He began typing again. "Well, say goodbye to the Tendo Dojo scenery."

Slamming on the enter key, the world froze, then suddenly vaporized, instantly reverting to the white panel room.

"BWEEEEEEEE!" SLAM!

There was a long, silent pause.

"Uh, Magnus?"

"Yeah, Nabs?"

"Why did Ryoga, as a pig, just fall out of the sky and slam into the floor?"

"Well, um, . . . I remembered what I forgot now."

" . . . Congratulations."


	20. I Believe In A Thing Called Love

OMAKE BONUS THEATER: By Autotyper: (Autotyper 2000 Speedy-weedy note: YAY! OMAKE BONUS THEATER!)

(Autotyper 2000: Good evening, everyone. We will get to today's episode in a moment. But first, it has recently come to our attention that some people out there do not believe that this story has a plot. And, instead of waiting until our designated review response experiment chapter, Magnus has asked that I insert a special announcement pertaining to that idea before then. Because he is a lazy bastard.)

Magnus sighed, leaning on his elbows, which he had balanced on the edge of his desk. "All right, Autotyper, I'll say it."

(Autotyper 2000: Thank you!)

"All right, everyone, despite what it might seem like, this story actually does have a plot. A thin one, but it is there. You just haven't realized it yet."

(Autotyper 2000: Because Magnus think's you're all idiots.)

"I DO NOT!" Magnus screamed, slamming his hands on the desk as he read Autotyper's comment. "I know that many of the events are self contained, there's certain things that will come out over time which drag on from episode to episode. But, this story is a comedy, and that means loose plot structure. So don't be expecting something as tight as _FullMetal Alchemist_, _War and Piece_, . . ."

(Autotyper 2000: Or as tight as . . .)

"Autotyper! I told you we're not doing that joke!" Magnus screamed, face pale.

(Autotyper 2000: Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot.)

Clearing his throat, Magnus continued. "But, as I said, there is a plot buried deep in the chapters. Sorry for using so much time to say this, but as a writer,I believe it is my duty to quell rumors before they grow out of control. Although, the Mark Twain reference was a nice touch. Anyway, just keep watching, and you'll see it."

(Autotyper 2000: And if you don't, Magnus WILL TAKE REVENGE!)

"I will not! Autotyper! Don't make me turn you off!"

(Autotyper 2000: Go ahead! I dare you!)

"There's plenty of pre-tapes." Magnus muttered, leaning into the computer. "You want to fight, I got all the time in the world!"

(Autotyper 2000: Bring it on, OTAKU!)

"It's already been brought!"

(Autotyper 2000: Oh, come on, that's the dumbest and most cliched line! Start the damn episode already!)

* * *

**20. I Believe in a Thing Called Love:**

"And that's that." Magnus muttered, closing down the program. It had been two days since Shampoo had tried to kill him as a cat, and, oddly enough, it had made everyone return to the studio.

(Autotyper 2000: Now, whether they returned to protect him, to watch the next messed up thing happen to him, or to make sure the cat caught the ferret next time, nobody said. I wonder why?)

"So, tomorrow's the day?" Nabiki replied.

Magnus nodded. "Tomorrow, the story is going back into production fully." There was a pause. "Until, of course, the next thing messes up."

Nabiki tsked. "So cynical. You ought to lighten up, Magnus."

The boy turned to her, before shaking his head. "Whatever. Autotyper has been messing up recently again, Nabs still has tons of new bugs, and we're weeks behind schedule."

"A schedule, need I remind you," Nabiki chided, "you haven't actually written yet."

"So!" Magnus sneered goofily, before walking across the room to the exit. "At least the day is done." He reached for the door. "Nothing left to worry about."

(Autotyper 2000: coughDISCLAIMERcough. Whoa, I must be getting a cold.)

"So, I guess that's it." Nabiki said, smiling a bit as she followed after the boy.

"Yep." Magnus replied, opening the door. "Autotyper, you know what to work on tonight."

(Autotyper 2000: Yeah, yeah, I know. I'll fix the fact that "Rubber Chicken" is translated to "Start her Kicking".)

"MAGNUS!" a voice shouted as the door swung open.

The boy in question, and the Japanese girl behind him, glanced out the door. "Mousse?" Magnus asked, staring at the boy standing in the hall, panting as if he had been running for hours. "What are you doing here?"

"I need your help!" the male Amazon shouted. "It's about Shampoo!"

"No love potions." Magnus snapped immediately.

The boy blinked. "You can make love potions?"

"Can, but won't." Magnus replied coldly, starting to close the door.

"No, wait!" the Amazon shouted again. "It's not that! I want to make something for her myself, but I won't finish it in time! Can you help me!"

Nabiki blinked. "When does it need to be done?"

"Tomorrow."

"TOMORROW!" Magnus shouted. "Why are you asking about it now, then!"

"It's really important!" the boy shouted, waving his arms around enthusiastically, throwing a random assortment of . . . things, across the room.

Magnus, ducking under a large brick, leaned back up. "All right, all right!" he shouted, before continuing with, "What is it you want me to do?"

"This!" Mousse replied, whipping out a rolled sheet of paper, and handing it to the writer. He read it for a moment, looking it over, with Nabiki leaning around to see as well, before the two of them looked up. "Can you do it?"

"You're kidding, right?" Magnus asked. Mousse shook his head. "What makes you think this is **any** better than any of the other things you have tried!"

"It'll work! I know it!" Mousse shouted.

Nabiki rolled her eyes, turning and walking back into the room, muttering, "Yeah, right."

"And why does this have to be tomorrow!" Magnus continued.

Mousse stared at him, incredulous. "Because that's the day after today!"

Magnus sighed, before shaking his head. "This is just . . . sad." He muttered under his breath, before nodding. "All right, Mousse, I'll see if it'll work. Nabs!"

In the middle of the room, next to Nabiki, there appeared a girl next to her, dressed in the red Asuka Langly Soryu plugsuit from Neon Genesis Evangelion. "What is it, Magnus?"

"Do you think we can make this for him?" Magnus replied, pointing out Mousse. He then brought the paper over to her, handing it to the AI.

Nabs took it, reading it over, before nodding. "Well . . . I can't comment on it's . . . romantic value, but it shouldn't be a problem. None of the errors have messed with anything like this. We should be fine." There was a pause. "Do you want to do it, or should I?"

"Uh . . . why don't you do it. I haven't tried writing anything like this in a while, and you'll probably get it done faster." Magnus answered. "And I really want to go home today."

The AI nodded, before closing her eyes in concentration. "How are you going to get it out of the room, Mousse?"

"Actually, can we leave it here?" The Amazon asked. "I want to give it to her when she comes back tomorrow to work on the story."

Magnus sighed, before letting his shoulders drop. "Yeah, sure, put it over in the corner." He glanced at Mousse. "And put a sheet over it. He can make it a surprise." _It's all it's going to be, so might as well push that idea._

"Okay!" Nabs said, before concentrating harder. "Any second now."

"MORE WATER! HURRY!" Magnus screamed, emptying the fire extinguisher into the blaze. "NABS! GET THAT BLANKET! WE CAN USE IT!"

"GOTCHA!"

"MAGNUS! IT'S OUT OVER HERE!"

SPLASH!

SPLOSH!

"NABS! MAKE A WAVE! WE CAN GET IT ALL AT ONCE!"

"RIGHT!"

WHOOSH! BOOM!

After a second, the wave and the following electrical explosion when Nabs was hit with the water, was gone, with everything but the area behind the desk and the computer soaked to the core, gasping for air. Those things were two teenage girls, one with an afro, a duck, and a ferret.

Nabiki glared angrily at the AI. Nabs shrugged. "Well, the fire's out."

"Change them back."

Nabs stared, blinking, before nodding. "Hopefully it won't come out as gasoline again."

"Just do it."

WHOOSH!

A second wave, this time hot water, came rushing through studio, soaking, and exploding, everything again, except also sending everything washing around the room. And again, the room was soaked through and through. Although, now there were two additional naked boys in the room.

"Put them on!" Nabiki commanded, a dark strain in her voice, pointing over the random assortment of clothes strewn around. Both boys immediately ran over, scooping up what was there, and sliding into the clothes.

(Autotyper 2000: Of course, they had to jump over and run around all the loose stuff that had fallen out of Mousse's robes, but you knew that.)

Magnus slid into his pants, before buttoning them up right as a hand landed on his bare shoulder. The boy turned around. Nabiki was glaring, I repeat, **GLARING** at him with a cold expression. "Oh, Magnus?"

The boy swallowed hard, stepping away slightly, turning around to face the girl totally. She let him, standing in a soaked shirt and shorts, her hair still dripping. "Eh . . . well, um, . . . what is it, Nabiki?"

The girl paused, content to glare at him for a moment. Her eyes were cold and menacing. "You're going to pay for this. You know that, right?"

"I didn't know it was going to burst into flames! Really!"

The girl made no change in her expression. "That doesn't change anything right now." She continued, before turning and walking to the break room.

_Great._ Magnus thought to himself. _Now Nabiki hates me. It was bad enough with Ukyo . . . EERGH!_

"Magnus?"

"What is it, Mousse!"

The Amazon looked at him blankly. "What do we do now?"

"We!" Magnus shouted, before turning to him angrily. "Why don't you . . . aw, forget it." He glumly shook his head. "I can't believe I'm going to skip _Spongebob _for this."

'Does that mean . . ." the master of Hidden Weapons began, before he was cut off.

"Yeah, I'll help." Reaching down to the floor, he scooped up his shirt and necklace. Placing the chain around his neck, he pulled the soaked T-shirt on, struggling to get it over his body. After a moment, his head popped out through the collar, before he straightened it out. "Nabs, can we at least build it by hand, then?"

The AI, turning to Magnus, nodded slowly. "Yes, I'm sure we can. Let me get out the materials and . . ."

"ActuallyIthinkIshoulddothat!" Magnus muttered quickly, running around the desk and diving into the chair.

"Oh, . . . all right."

* * *

"Magnus! Don't use so much glue!" Nabs cried, snatching the plastic bottle from Magnus. 

The boy waved his hands defensively. "Sorry, sorry! I'm not very good at craft stuff, okay?"

"The last of the frame is finished." Mousse announced, before reaching back down to grab more material.

There was a click as the door opened. Magnus turned to look back to see Nabiki returning to the room, her hair being the only thing still wet. She seemed to be in a better disposition than before. Until, of course, she started glaring at Magnus.

"Magnus." The teen said sternly, still glaring at Magnus. The boy nodded. "Come over here."

"Uh, sure." he replied calmly, gulping, before hopping up and walking over to her. "What is it?"

"Magnus," she began sternly, before throwing her arms around the boy in a great big bear hug. "THAT WAS THE BEST BATH IN NINE MONTHS!"

The boy was blushing in his whole face. "Uh . . . uh . . . what do you mean?"

"Silence!" Nabiki shouted happily, before slowly releasing him and sliding back. "No 'PERVERT!' followed by a large explosion, 'TOMBOY!', or any other shouting. I haven't felt this relaxed for a long time. Thank you so much!"

"Uh, . . ." the boy replied, still red in the face, slowly nodding, "no problem."

"Magnus!" Nabs replied from behind him. "Do you want to get any sleep tonight? Because if you do, we need to finish this."

"Right, right." the boy muttered, pulling himself out of Nabiki's arms and walking back towards them.

"How long is it going to take?" Nabiki asked.

"A couple of hours. We're going to spend the night here."

"I'll help!" Nabiki shouted louder than she expected, before walking over and sitting down.

"Huh!" Magnus shouted, looking at her. "You don't want to go home?"

"After that break, why would I!"

"But, why . . ."

Nabiki glanced oddly at him "I'm being nice. I want to help. I'll even tell you that you haven't done a disclaimer yet. You do know that, right?"

"Huh!" Magnus replied, before gasping. "Oh god! You're right. Uh . . . ooo, I got it." Clearing his throat, he turned to the audience. "Four out of the five voices in my head say I don't own _Ranma ½ _or anything else mentioned in this chapter that I don't own."

"What's the fifth voice say?"

(Autotyper 2000: "I like ponies and unicorns, with long eyelashes.")


	21. She's So High Above Me

**21. She's So High (Above Me):**

(Autotyper 2000: Well, I'll just do it now. Magnus 17 doesn't own _Ranma 1/2_. Those, however, who do not believe me and think Magnus might actually own the series should call your nearest mental institution, and check yourselves in.)

"Ahhhhh!" Nabiki sighed cheerfully as she walked into the main room again, stretching her arms over her head. Unlike yesterday, when she was wearing blue jeans and a long sleeved "Hello Kitty" shirt, now she was wearing a pair of Khaki cargos and a beat up navy blue T-shirt with a picture of baby crocodiles on the front that was obviously not her size. The pants were a little loose, and the shirt was a little tight.

Magnus followed after her, also wearing different clothes from yesterday: dark slacks and a tan T-shirt with canoes on the front. "You need to give those back to me eventually, okay? And no getting ink on them or something like that."

"What would make you think I would do something like that?" Nabiki replied offhandedly.

"I read volume 15!" Magnus shouted matter-of-fact-ly. "Don't try to trick me."

(Autotyper 2000: In volume 15, Akane accidentally spills soy sauce on Nabiki's jacket only to find out it's actually hers, and Nabiki forgot to tell her she was borrowing it.)

Nabiki paused, before turning and staring at him. "Are you sure you're not mentally unstable?"

"I already told you no." Magnus replied with a comedically sarcastic voice. " I'm a normal human being as far as medical science can ever prove."

"Magnus?" Mousse asked, walking out the door in the same robes he was in yesterday. "Are you sure there aren't any spare clothes for me?"

"Sorry, Mousse." Magnus replied shaking his head. "If I lent you anything, it would be weeks before I got all the pointy object out of the pants. And I really don't have that much of a desire to do that."

"Well, can't you poof me clean clothes?"

"Poof?" Magnus replied, turning angrily towards him. "We don't 'poof' clothes in this place. We create them. There is no poofing in this studio . . . Unless there's smoke involved; **that **counts as legitimate poofing." There was a long, silent pause. "Oh, and let's not forget the lovely events of last night, when we tried to 'poof' in your gift to Shampoo. I do not want to relive the experience of a large structure bursting into flames in front of me."

"Mousse, it's not that far." Nabiki replied. "And then, you can escort Shampoo back."

Magnus nodded. "Yeah, that would be a very . . . Mousse?" The boy looked around. "Mousse?" He turned back to the door to the hallway, where a large, Mousse-shaped hole had appeared. "Oh."

"Well, that's that." Nabiki replied, turning and slowly walking up to the author. He turned to look at the brunette girl approaching her, before she stopped only two feet away from him, smiling seductively. "It's just you and me, you know."

"N-N-N . . . Nabiki?" Magnus stuttered, his face reddening a bit. "What's gotten into you?"

"Well, it was only the best night's sleep I've had in weeks." Nabiki replied quietly, brushing him gently along the cheek, before laughing and shouting, "Then there was those three Cokes I drank for breakfast, too!"

"O-oh . . . okay." Magnus replied, watching the girl laugh a bit, before smiling and walking over to the desk, sliding up on the edge, relaxing his breathing. "You just seem really . . . weird. I guess three Cokes would explain that."

"Yep!" Nabiki chirped, smiling back, before walking over and sliding onto the desk next to him. Magnus started to blush again. "So, what's up for today?"

"Keeping you away from more sugar, for starters." Magnus replied, glancing down at his feet.

"You . . . you don't like me like this?" Nabiki said quietly, the sound of rejection in her voice. "You . . . don't like me, do you?" She sniffled.

"No!" Magnus shouted suddenly, turning to her in shock. "I didn't mean it like that, Nabiki. I think you're really cute and nice and a good friend and . . ." He noticed she was smiling evilly. "You were kidding, weren't you?"

"You think I'm cute?" she replied, nodding as well.

Magnus gulped, blushed, and slid a little away from her. "Uh . . . uh . . . yes?"

"You don't sound very confident."

"No, I don't."

"Any reason why?"

"Because," Magnus began, matter-of-fact-ly again, "I'm scared out of my mind."

"Really? How come?"

"Because if anyone can destroy this project with one phone call if I do one thing wrong, it's you. Ukyo will kill me, Akane will kill me, Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse will kill me, but you will **destroy me entirely**. Any reason I shouldn't be scared?"

"Nope, that pretty much sums it up!" Nabiki replied cheerfully, leaning back a little and swinging her legs. "So, you think I'm cute?"

"You're not letting that go, are you?" Magnus deadpanned, sighing again.

Nabiki smiled. "Nope."

Magnus sighed again. "Fine, I do."

"Do what?"

Magnus groaned a little, before glancing at her. "You better not have any tape recorders running right now." He muttered.

"Hey, that's a great idea!"

Magnus shook his head. "All right, I'll admit it. I think you're cute. You are a very good looking girl. Are you happy?"

"Yes, I am." Nabiki replied, before smiling even more evilly. "Especially after I had already thought of your great idea." She continued, lifting a small tape recorder up.

Magnus stared, mouth agape.

"Surprised?" Nabiki asked.

Magnus was about to blurt something out, when he gave up and sighed. "No, not really. I should have known that you would have thought of that ahead of time. So . . . what do you want?"

"Want?" Nabiki murmured, before her eyes glanced up wistfully. "Well . . . I guess there is one thing you could do for me . . . for the tape that is . . . I assume you want it, correct?"

Magnus nodded. "Please."

"What, you don't want people to know that you think I'm cute?" Nabiki replied instantly, a hurt look on her face.

"NO!" Magnus shouted, worried a upset, sugar-high Nabiki would be worse than a regular sugar-high Nabiki. "I mean . . . it's not that I don't want people to think that you're cute . . . but that kind of thing, used in proper context, could be used to destroy any friendship I have with everyone else . . . I'm just trying to keep something bad from happening is all."

"Hmm." Nabiki murmured, evaluating the response from Magnus with the critical eye she had. "Well, I guess I can give you the tape . . . but first," her smile returned, wider than before, "you have to kiss me."

"WHAT!"

WHAM!

Magnus had shouted, blushed brighter than a tomato, and then slid off the desk, crashing onto the floor. After a moment, noticing Nabiki was staring at him seriously, the boy jumped back up to his feet, standing unsteadily and staring directly at the girl. "You . . . You're kidding, right!"

Nabiki stared back at him. "You don't want to?"

"Whoa now, let me look at this logically for you." Magnus replied, his face still bright red. "A beautiful girl, suddenly, out of the blue, wants to kiss **ME** in order for **ME** to get something **I **need to keep things from getting worse for **ME**! This is **ME** we're talking about! This doesn't happen to **ME**!"

"Why is that? No girl ever liked you?"

"Not really! No girlfriend, having enough trouble dealing with girls at home, let alone here! Here is insane!" Magnus shouted. "Maybe if one of the crazy characters wanted to kiss me, it might make a bit more sense, but **YOU**!"

"Well," Nabiki began, before sniffling as a tear formed in her eye, "maybe if you didn't call them crazy and stupid, they wouldn't hate you! But you . . . just have to be so mean!"

"AAAAH!" Magnus shouted, rushing up to her, worried not only for Nabiki, but his own chance to survive the rest of his life. "No, Nabiki, I didn't mean like that! I . . . it's just . . . I didn't expect . . ."

"Well, that's okay." Nabiki muttered happily, looking up at the boy, who was now only a few inches from her face. She raised the tape recorder to his view. "You don't **have** to kiss me." CLICK! "There's no tape in the thing. No recording."

Magnus just stared in horror, his eyes wider than his face.

There was a long pause.

Then, another long pause.

And another.

One more.

"BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Nabiki began roaring with laughter, as she dropped off the desk onto her knees, laughing uncontrollably. "You should have seen the look on your face! It was classic! Oh god, my sides hurt. BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Magnus simply stared off into the distance for several more seconds. After a moment, he blinked, before shaking out his head, returning his brain to normal functions. Like embarrassment. His face turned bright red.

And self defense.

"All right, no more sodas for you, or anyone else." Magnus said sternly to himself, just loud enough for Nabiki to hear.

The girl glanced up, noticing that the writer was walking towards the break room. "Where are you going?"

"To destroy every can of soda in there." Magnus muttered, opening the door, and disappearing inside.

"NO!" Nabiki screamed, jumping up and running after him.

> > >

"Nabiki! Let me go!"

"NEVER!"

WHUMP!

Nabiki slammed down on his shoulders, laying on top of the boy, pinning him to the ground. "There!" she said finally, confirming the American's defeat. Magnus gulped. "I win, Magnus!" She muttered calmly into his blushing face.

"I . . . didn't know you were that strong, Nabiki." Magnus muttered quietly, trying to control his mind to figure out what the hell was happening in this world. And ignore the fact that Nabiki way laying on top of him, pinning him to the ground. **And**, what she had said before. **AND**, there was that T-shirt problem to ignore too.

"Well, you're also a bad wrestler." Nabiki replied with a smile.

"Uh, Nabiki?"

"Magnus?"

The two teens looked across the room to see a very confused Akane, and an even more confused Ranma, standing in the doorway. Magnus, unable to speak, simply stared, starting to blush more.

"Oh, hi guys!" Nabiki replied cheerfully, sliding up into a sitting position, and sliding further up Magnus's body for a better seat to hold him pinned.

"Magnus, what the hell is going on?" Nabs asked, appearing at that very moment, dressed as Haruno Sakura from _Naruto_.

Magnus, unable to speak because Nabiki was now sitting on her feet on top of the boy, with her knees jamming into his gut right below the ribs, simply mouthed something to Nabiki along the lines of "Say something!"

(Autoyper 2000: Although there might have been an expletive in there too.)

"Oh, well, Magnus was trying to separate me from his Coke."

A long pause.

(Autotyper 2000: Oh, that doesn't sound right! Nabs, give Magnus a message for me, since he can't see or hear me at the moment.)

Nabs glanced over at the computer, nodding to let him know to continue.

(Autotyper 2000: Tell him "Oooo, you're done for, Be-yatch!")

Nabs nodded, turning back to Magnus. "Magnus, Autotyper, apparently, wants me to tell you 'Oooo, you're done for, Be-yatch!' " Magnus blinked, before sighing. "Oh, and I'd just like to say something along those lines." Magnus glanced back up, staring up at her from the floor. "You're screwed. Again."

"Yeah." Nabiki replied, smiling and running her finger across the boy's cheek. "He is."

Magnus mouthed something along the lines of "You are not helping me."

(Autotyper 2000: Now, that I know had expletives in it!)


	22. Mr Lover Lover

**Mr. Lover Lover:**

"Nabiki!" Akane shouted, her face turning bright red. "You . . . don't mean . . . That's why . . . it's because . . ."

(Autotyper 2000: For those of you who forgot, Nabiki just agreed with Nabs comment to Magnus: "You're screwed. Again.")

Nabiki smirked at them.

"You . . . did!"

"Well . . ." Nabiki began slyly, turning her head away a little, and smiling more.

Magnus, however, wasn't still anymore. He struggled underneath he girl's weight, trying to break free. Unsuccessfuly.

"Well, Magnus, you better stop squirming around like that." Nabiki replied dryly to him.

Magnus mouthed something back.

(Autotyper 2000: Minus the expletives, it looked like "Would you get off of me!")

Akane ignored the writer, focusing on her sister. Her voice faltered as she talked, and her face grew a bright shade of rose. "Nabiki . . . did you . . . really . . . um, you know . . ."

"Do it?" Nabiki finished for her sister. The raven haired girl nodded, her face reddening **more**. "Well, since you brought it up . . ." Nabiki let her voice trail away pleasantly, her smile wider than could seem physically possible.

And so, Magnus was flipping out underneath her. His arms and legs began flailing, trying to push the Japanese girl off of him so he could regain his ability to speak, or at least be ready to run. And, as if luck were truly trying to ruin his life, as it so often seems to be, his hand landed in the wrong place. Not just that, but it got caught there by the ever-ready Nabiki.

Nabiki clutched onto the back of his hand, holding it against her breast. "Now now, Magnus, save that for when the kiddies go back to bed." She replied with a smug smile.

Magnus stared at her in horror, all the blood draining away from his entire body.

Akane and Ranma stared as well, faces pale.

Nabs stared for a moment, before turning to the laptop. "Autotyper, could you reboot my program in a couple minutes. I have a logic error."

(Autotyper 2000: Uh . . . sure.)

"Thanks." Nabs replied, before turning to Nabiki and Magnus. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" She then straighten up oddly, dropped to her knees, and then faceplanted into the floor, the program shutting down.

Magnus really freaked out, ripping his hand free and shoving the girl off of himself. He ignored the sound of Nabiki ungraciously crashing onto the floor as he rolled away from her onto his belly, looking up at Ranma and Akane, one hand stuck out to point at them. "NO!" he screamed.

There was a pause, as Magnus drew in a few much needed breaths.

"No! No! No! No! NO! NO! NO! NO! **NO!**" Magnus screamed, still pointing at Ranma and Akane.

"Well, then what happened!" Akane shouted.

"Nothing, okay! We didn't do anything!"

"Do you have any proof!"

"What, I need proof now! . . . FINE!" Magnus stood up, walking quickly over to his computer, typing furiously. "Autotyper, I'm activating your experimental vocal protocols. . . . Please don't swear, okay?

A new, techno-robot voice came up. "You don't have to remind me, Magnus! Sheesh, I'm not a fing moron, okay!"

Magnus sighed, shaking his head, before speaking. "You were running all last night, right?"

"Right-eroo!"

"I want you to honestly tell Akane wether or not Nabiki and I . . . eh, did it, last night."

"Did what?"

"You know!"

"No I don't!"

"Autotyper!'

"No, seriously, I forgot."

"You're a computer program! You don't forget stuff like that!"

"Maybe . . . oh all right! Then, um, . . . I need you to be more specific! Those search parameters are not concise enough."

"Autotyper!"

"Sorry! That's the best I can do!"

Magnus grumbled something about the program being worse than Nabiki right now, before continuing with, "All right. Did . . . did Nabiki and I . . . uh, have sexual intercourse last night?"

"That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

"Just shut up and answer the question!"

"Shut up **and** answer the question?"

"Answer the question, you idiot!"

"Okay, okay." Autotyper replied. "The answer is . . . drum roll please . . . badadadadadadadadadadadadadadaDADADADA . . . NO! Not at all. The poor pathetic bastard, I mean, Magnus, and Nabiki did nothing of the sort, as you can see in this video feed from last night."

Magnus typed something on the computer, mumbling, "Enough talking for one day!" before spinning the computer around so that Akane and Ranma could approach.

"That's . . . the break room, right?" Ranma asked.

"Yes, it is." Magnus replied. "And as you can see, nothing happened!"

Nabiki, having secretly gotten up and approached the computer, leaned in. "Hey, why is Mousse in the bed with me?" The other three teens' eyes widened, before they all crowded around the screen. "Gotcha! BWAH HA HA HA!"

Akane turned to the writer, his face not very far from her own. "What did you do to her, Magnus?"

The boy sighed, letting himself fall back into the chair, and turning the computer back to face the normal way. "I didn't do anything. She got herself hyped up on Coke."

There was no response. Magnus looked up to see the two teens, besides the still laughing Nabiki, staring at him.

"I mean the soda! You know, Coca Cola. Not cocaine!"Akane's eyes widened more, and Ranma shook his head slightly. "What, Ranma? You think I'm a druggie? Like I would have that kind of thing." Ranma's expression didn't change. "You don't really think I do drugs, do you?"

"Not until today I didn't. But now it makes sense." The martial artist replied. "The weirdness, the stupidity, the sad social life . . ."

"You made your point, Ranma!" Magnus interjected.

". . . the lack of effort, the depressing living conditions, the sheer freakiness, the WHAA!"

"We're going, Ranma!" Akane shouted, grabbing the boy by the wrist and dragging him towards the door.

Ranma glanced up at his fiancee, deciding not to try and stop her. "What? Why? Where are we going?"

"Doesn't matter!" Akane shouted, her face pale, as she threw open the door.

"Oh, leaving already, Akane?" Nabiki said slyly, causing her to stop. "Do you suddenly have to **do** something with Ranma?" Then, she burst out laughing again.

"Ranma! We're staying!" SLAM! Akane kicked the door shut, dragging Ranma back to where they were before.

Magnus glanced between them, blinking. "Uh, okay. Well . . . anybody want breakfast?"

> > >

Magnus was back at his computer, Akane scooting a chair up to the edge of the desk, Ranma chomping on food at the table, and Nabiki sitting on the other side, merrily drinking her **fifth **Coca-Cola.

"You let her have another!" Akane whispered loudly to Magnus.

The boy turned to her. "I didn't know she hid it in her pocket! Besides, what are you angry at me for! If you don't want her to have it, then go take it or something!"

"Are you insane! I'm not getting in Nabiki's way!"

Magnus stared back at her. "And you think **I **want to? Did you not see how you found me today!"

"Don't you know how dangerous this is?" Akane whispered a little quieter, leaning in towards the American.

Magnus opened his mouth to respond, when Nabiki burped. Akane jumped at the sound before settling back down, her eyes widened. "Excuse me!" Nabiki said cheerfully to nobody in particular.

"Is that why you tried to leave?" Magnus asked.

Akane nodded. "Yes, that's exactly why. When she has sugar **and** caffeine in her at the same time, it's terrifying!"

"How?"

"She not only get's very quick with her responses, but the skill at which she can outsmart people gets better too! She can be even more tricky to handle than usual!" There was a pause. "Plus, she get's hyper."

"So, what do . . ." Magnus was interrupted by Ranma.

"Hey, Magnus, what's that big thing over there, covered by a sheet?" Ranma asked, pointing to a far corner.

"Oh," Magnus replied loudly, turning to see the martial artist, "it's a gift for Shampoo from Mousse. He's going to give it to her here." Ranma nodded, before turning back to the food. Magnus turned to Akane. "So, what do we do?"

"Get out of here as soon as we can. Make a big distraction, and get everyone to leave. If not, we're going to have a whole lot of bad video tapes on us. She's probably already got tons of plans to do, so we need to break up the meeting today early."

Magnus frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

The boy scowled. "All right, . . . I'll do . . . something. But you have to trust me, all right?"

"Of course." Akane said with a smile.

"Good."

The door opened. "Hello." Ukyo said to nobody in particular as she entered. Ranma and Nabiki both chirped "hello"s, before they turned back to their previous actions. Ukyo shut the door before putting her jacket up on the nearby coat rack.

Magnus gulped. "All right, Akane, we're going to wait until after everyone's here. Okay?'

"Who are we waiting for?"

"Uh . . . Konatsu, Mousse, and Shampoo. Ryoga's got the day off three days from now, so he shouldn't figure out a way to arrive until then."

"Got it."

(Autotyper 2000: ooOOOooo! What's coming up next! I don't know! You'll have to wait until next chapter to find out! Although, I wish Magnus didn't take away my speech! That was fun! It was f---ing fun!)


	23. Love Is In The Air

**OMAKE BONUS THEATER:**

Everyone's somewhat favorite black haired American sits up in his chair. "Hey everybody, Magnus 17 here. Yes, I'm back, at completely random, thanks to the actions of one reviewer. Twenty one reviews from soapfiction. Yep, that guy's kinda freaky."

(Autotyper 2000: Yeah, but he's got some funny stuff! Check out the review for chapter 14.)

Magnus shuddered. "Yes, quite funny. I actually preferred number ten . . . I mean, no, I didn't, I have no thoughts on that . . . oh, I really hope she doesn't read this."

(Autotyper 2000: Who? . . . Oh, Ukyo?)

Magnus glared at the screen. "Don't you dare say anything to her! It was a mistake! And don't bring it up!"

(Autotyper 2000: I won't, I'll just email . . .)

"Don't even think about it!" Magnus replied, leveling a dark glare in the direction of the laptop.

(Autotyper 2000: Kidding, kidding!)

Magnus kept glaring, before sighing and shaking his head. "Why do I get the feeling that wouldn't really make a difference if you did."

(Autotyper 2000: AAAGH! RUN, EVERYBODY RUN! MAGNUS IS GETTING MOPEY! EEEEEEK!)

"Oh, shut up."

(Autotyper 2000: RUN YOU FOOLS, RUN!)

(Nabs Note: Before this might any more pathetic, let's go on to the chapter.)

(Autotyper 2000: Where it **is **more pathetic!)

**Love is in the Air:**

"Hello, Ukyo!" Magnus said cheerfully as he stood up, walking around the desk to greet the chef.

Ukyo stared at him for a moment. "Hi." she muttered, before walking past him. "Hello, Akane!" she said, suddenly cheerful, before disappearing into the break room.

"Hi Ukyo!" Akane replied just as the door closed shut.

Magnus glared at the floor, before sighing. "All right, everyone, we got to get to work now. Nabiki, you're off the set. Ranma, Akane, you two are with me out here. We're going to go over the next scene. Okay?"

Everyone nodded in agreement. Akane walked out into the scene side of the room, as Nabiki walked to the desk side, plopping into one of the extra chairs lined up against the wall, still drinking her newest soda.

(Autotyper 2000: That would be her fifth. And we don't own diddly, in case you were still unsure. Hopefully you'll start to remember soon.)

Magnus began typing on his computer, causing the table to vanish, taking the last of the food with it.

"Hey! I wasn't finished with that!" Ranma shouted, pointing at the empty space where the table used to be.

"I'll give you more later!" Magnus shouted from the desk. "Sheesh, haven't you eaten enough already!"

Ranma was content to not answer the question, simply standing up, tossing the pair of chopsticks in his hands across the room and into the trashcan. Upon hearing them plink in, Nabiki cheered.

After glancing confusedly (Autotyper 2000 Quickie: That's right, confusedly!) at Nabiki, Akane and Ranma moved to the center of the room, standing around in the blank, original, white-paneled room. Magnus continued work at his computer. "Okay, loading up the new scene . . . now."

After a moment, the colors switched, the floors moved, and the world shifted, forming a gentle city park, quite non-distinct, with a few trees, a path a short distance away form the two teens standing in the scene, a park bench, and plenty of open grass. An occasional car could be heard in the distance.

"Okay, Ranma, Akane," Magnus began, before glancing around, "Oh, wait, . . . we need Nabs. Let me reload the program." There was a pause, as Magnus began typing furiously. After a moment, Nabs appeared in front of the desk, facing the scene, while holding a large bucket of water.

Ranma scratched the back of his head. "What's the bucket for."

Magnus blinked. Then he shook his head. "Sorry, Ranma, but you need to be a girl for this."

SPLASH! Nabs hurled the contents forward, spraying the boy, and transforming him into a girl. After the water fell away, the redhead glared at Magnus. She blew a few stray hairs out of her face, only to have them land back in the way again. "Warn me next time."

"Eh heh heh. Sorry, Ranma. I will next time." Magnus gulped. "Nabs, are you ready?"

"Of course, Magnus."

"Oh, Ranma." The girl looked up at the writer. "Just as a warning, we need you to be dry, too."

The redhead blinked, before seeing Nabs pull out a huge hair dryer from . . . behind her back. VWOOOSH! Struggling to stay standing, Ranma just began running against the hurricane force winds, before slipping, slamming onto the ground, and sliding back into the wall with a BAM! (Autotyper 2000 Quickie: With, of course, the giant dust puff.)

Clicking the hairdryer off, Nabs tossed it aside, where it vanished from view. "Okay, he's ready."

Magnus nodded, walking around the computer. "Nabs, you take care of the laptop work." The AI nodded, walking back around the desk, taking Magnus's chair, very demurely sliding up to the table edge. "Ranma? Are you okay?"

"Fine, just give me a minute to stand up." The girl struggled for a moment, before clumsily standing up. "Okay, coming."

Magnus nodded as the redhead bounded over with a heavy limp. "All right, in this scene, you two are going to have a mini-sparring match, okay? What I was thinking was . . ."

Nabiki ignored the rest as she continued to drink her soda. The break room door opened, and Ukyo, closing the door gently behind herself, entered the room with her own can of soda and a sandwich. The chef glanced around the room, unsure what to do, until Nabiki waved her over to sit down next to her. "Hello, Nabiki." Ukyo replied semi-cheerfully, sitting down in the chair next to the Tendo sister, before opening her sandwich wrapper.

"Hello, Ukyo." Nabiki chirped back, before downing the last of her Coke. "How are you?"

"Fine." The girl replied, taking a large bite of her first sandwich triangle-half, before munching on it quietly, watching Magnus try to explain his idea for a fight scene to the two girls, before they would execute it in stages, followed by more instructions. Ukyo swallowed the food in her mouth.

"I see you're still angry at Magnus."

"What do you mean?" Ukyo asked coldly.

Nabiki shrugged, placing the empty can on the floor. "Well, that greeting a few minutes ago had the warmth of a iceberg in January."

"So I don't like him. So what, sugar?'

"He's not such a bad guy. Maybe you should throw him a bone, give him a chance to redeem himself."

"Meaning?" Ukyo asked colder, glaring at the middle Tendo girl.

Nabiki paused, thinking, before shrugging again. "I don't know, . . . Take him on a date, or something. You know, maybe to a movie; something simple like that. He might change your mind."

"Why would I **ever** go out with him, even for a walk!"

"I don't know. Why wouldn't you?" Ukyo glared at her. "What would it take for you to go out with him?"

"He'd . . ." Ukyo replied, before pausing. What was the one thing Magnus could never do? "He'd . . . he'd have to beat Ranma-honey in a fight, sugar. And that's without using his computer to bring up his strength or speed. That'd be cheating."

Nabiki nodded. "Sounds like a real challenge." Ukyo nodded, taking a sip of her soda. "Too bad, he's **very** good to a girl, if you know what I mean."

SPLURT! Ukyo spewed most of what she was drinking, almost dropping the can, before staring at Nabiki with wide eyes. "You . . . you don't mean you . . . and Magnus . . . and . . . you . . . you haven't!"

Nabiki shrugged again calmly. "If you don't believe me, ask Ranma." Ukyo's eyes widened more. "She thinks quite highly of Magnus." She glanced at Ukyo, then glanced down. "Are you gonna finish that?"

Ukyo's eyes turned from shock to pure rage. She glared at Magnus, still instructing the two girls, before smiling at Ranma. That pushed her over the edge. She handed the can over to Nabiki.

Ukyo stood up from her seat, running towards Magnus while drawing her oversized battle spatula. "MAGNUS!" she screamed, drawing everyone's attention. The boy looked up at her, before realizing she was swinging at him with her battle spatula. "YOU PERV!"

WHAM! Magnus was smashed away towards the door to the hall. "GAAAAH!"the boy screamed, before he smashed into the wall with a loud SMACK, causing cracks to appear all around as he remained implanted in the wall.

"UKYO!" Ranma shouted, "What's wrong!"

"RANMA, YOU TRAITOR!" Ukyo shouted, before spinning in a circle and slamming her with the spatula too, hurtling the girl in the same direction as Magnus.

SLAM! The girl crashed into the boy, both facing the room, sandwiched on top of each other.

"Aaagh!" Magnus muttered, taking in a quick breath to dull the pain, before realizing something. "Actually, this feels kind of nice . . . I mean, PAIN! AAAAGH! THE PAIN! SO MUCH! CAN'T STOP PAIN! SOMEONE HELP! TOO MUCH PAIN! AAAAAAAAAGGGH!"

Ranma, however, only really heard the first part. She jumped out of the wall, turned around, and grabbed Magnus by the collar.

"Uh, I guess it's too late to say I didn't mean it?"

Ranma nodded, before throwing the boy back across the room.

SLAM!

Magnus imbedded into the other wall, upside-down, facing the rest of the room. "I guess I deserved that." the boy muttered quietly.

Ukyo grabbed the park bench, hurtling it towards the wall. SMASH! The wall crumpled away, burying the boy under rubble. "I might have deserved that."

SLAM! Ukyo smashed the rubble flat one last time with her battle spatula. An arm groggily rose up. "I don't think I deserved that." The arm fell.

"BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Nabiki shouted, falling out of her chair and rolling around on the floor.

"Uh, Nabiki?" Ukyo began, before the laughter rose up more.

"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"Um, Ukyo?" Akane asked. "Why did you just attack Magnus and Ranma?"

The girl blushed. "Nabiki . . . said that . . . um, they had . . . you know, uh . . . gone the distance."

"Again?" Ranma asked.

"MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Ukyo looked up at her female fiance. "What do you mean 'again'?"

"Aw, Nabiki's been messing around with all of us about that stuff today."

"GAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Ukyo blushed from embarrassment. "Oh, I'm sorry, sugar. I . . . didn't mean it."

"It's all right, Ucchan!" Ranma replied, smiling.

"BWAH HA! BWAH HA! BWAH HA HA HA!"

"Have you forgotten someone, Ukyo?" Nabs asked, staring at her from the computer with a cold glare.

"AAAAAAAAH HA HA HA HA!"

"Who?" Ukyo asked, looking around.

Nabs pointed at the rubble.

"Oh, right. I'm sorry, Magnus."

"That's okay, Ukyo. I'm still breathing." Magnus replied, although the sound was severely muffled.

As Ukyo turned back to Ranma to continue her apology, Akane sighed, walking over to the gaping hole in the wall. As she approached, several more rubble blocks fell down, further smashing the boy. Akane sighed again, before reaching down and beginning to slide some of the rubble away. After shoving a large rock aside, the American's face appeared. "Don't you see how dangerous it is to keep Nabiki around like this?"

"Yes mommy, I'd like a cookie!" Magnus replied, dazed.

"Magnus, this is serious!" Akane whispered loudly. "We need to be careful."

Magnus shook out his head. "Right, right, I know." KNOCK KNOCK! "Here, help get me out of the rubble. I think those are the people we're waiting for."


	24. Love Song For NO ONE!

**Love Song For NO ONE:**

Akane slid some more of the rubble away, uncovering Magnus's chest and allowing the American to lean up. "Nabs! Can you get that?" the boy shouted across the room, as he and Akane continued to dig away the rubble.

"Understood." the AI replied calmly, walking up to the door. Turning the handle and swinging it open, she looked out at the new arrivals. "Oh, hello, Shampoo, Mousse." The said Amazons entered, Shampoo already seeming a bit perturbed, and Mousse with that glazed look in his eyes. "Magnus, it's Mousse and Shampoo!"

"Okay, just a second!" Magnus muttered, and, with the help of Akane, he shoved the last of the rubble off of his legs, before leaning around and starting to stand. The girl helped him up to his feet, before leaning out a bit.

"Are you going to be all right?" She asked, a little concerned.

Magnus nodded, causing dust to float out of his hair. "Don't worry. It just . . . **really** . . .stings. And I'm used to that. After all, I did play soccer."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Come on, I have a feeling something lame is about to happen." Magnus replied, slowly moving his legs to step back into the main room, with Akane trailing right behind him, supporting him the whole way.

"Shampoo!" Mousse said in a cheerful voice. "I have a surprise for you!"

That got everyone's attention. Most of the people in the room looked expectantly towards the master of hidden weapons. A few did not. People like Magnus, Nabs, . . .

Shampoo.

"WHOO! WE FINALLY GET TO SEE IT!" Nabiki shouted, smiling brightly.

Magnus glanced to her. "Nabiki? But you already know . . ."

Nabiki immediately turned and shushed the boy, before turning back to Mousse, bouncing lightly on the balls of her feet and chanting "Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!"

Magnus sighed, turning and shuffling across the room to drop down into the seat behind his desk. "Well, this is about to be a downer." He muttered to himself, as Mousse began a long tirade about how dear Shampoo was to him.

(Autotyper 2000: Since nobody else seems to care **again**, I'll just do the disclaimer myself! So, . . . yeah. Well, we don't really own anything. You see, there's this problem with us and money . . . we have none. So, there's no real way we can actually own anything. Sorry, but you're just going to have to rip someone else off by suing them for forgetting the disclaimer.)

Nabs walked over and leaned on the desk. "What are you going to do?"

"What do you think? Pointlessly help the poor freak out." Magnus replied, reaching under the desk and pulling out a stack of white signs.

(Autotyper 2000: Mweh heh heh!)

"What was that, Autotyper?" Nabs asked, turning to the computer. "Was that an evil laugh?"

(Autotyper 2000: Of . . . course not! Why would I have an evil laugh?)

Magnus sighed, standing up. He could see Mousse approaching the sheet. It wouldn't be long now. "Aw, forget about it. I've got to go save the day somehow." The American walked over, standing to one side, watching Mousse.

"And, so, Shampoo, my love, I present to you . . . this!" Mousse shouted, grabbing the sheet and pulling it aside. And the gift, the proper one, was there underneath.

Everyone was speechless.

"Is that . . ."

"The Tokyo Tower?"

"Made of popsicle sticks?"

"I think so."

"I don't get it."

Magnus, clearing his throat, walked out in front of the crowd, between them and Mousse, before crouching down, and holding up the signs. Everyone read it, except for Mousse. He couldn't see them.

"Read this aloud." The teens muttered in a strange, monotone voice, together in one dull group.

SCHIWP! Magnus flipped the card around, showing a new one.

"My goodness."

SCHIWP!

"Mousse."

SCHIWP!

"What an unusual gift."

SCHIWP!

"Such a surprise."

SCHIWP!

"You know, you are a stupid prick."

SCHIWP!

"What kind of moron gives that to a girl?"

SCHIWP!

"Have you ever even talked to a girl, you dumbass?"

SCHIWP!

"Why don't you just go f. . ."

"HEY!" Magnus shouted, finally realizing that the group was saying the wrong thing. "These aren't the right cards!" He read the rest of the one on the front. "Autotyper, why the hell do you keep swearing like this!"

(Autotyper 2000: Why do you assume it's me?)

Magnus threw the cards aside, storming to the desk. Nabs turned to the computer. "Autotyper, who else would have done it?"

(Autotyper 2000: You don't have to jump all over me!)

"Did you do it?" the AI asked.

(Autotyper 2000: Maaaay-be!)

Magnus muttered several things under his breath, while typing at his computer. "Thanks, now I have to fix what just happened." He slammed on the enter key.

BOOM! The large, popsicle stick tower had its point explode, hurtling small amounts of flame around the room as the structure was engulfed in fire.

Most everyone screamed.

Magnus looked up, seeing the tower in flames. "Oh, my goodness." he said the same overly-monotonous voice. "An explosion. How unexpected! We should all **run away** and **leave** **NOW! **Head for the **door!** Aaaaaaaaaaaggggggggh!"

Fortunately, most of the people in the room were unable to hear as they raced out of the room. The large ball of fire had surprised them, and so they ran away through the door. Fortunately, this time, it was unlocked.

(Autotyper 2000: Yeah, it locks on the outside **and** the inside! You can't go through it at all sometimes! Magnus has trouble keeping his girlfriends around!)

"SHUT UP!" Magnus screamed. "That's not what it's for!"

"Uh, Magnus!" Akane shouted, being the only other person still in the room.

"What is it, Akane?" Magnus asked, calm again.

"What are we supposed to do about the fire!"

"Huh?" Magnus asked. "Oh, right, the fire." He squiggled the mouse around a bit, before clicking.

POOF!

"And, there we go." Magnus replied.

Akane glanced up. The fire was gone! "But . . . but . . . but . . . how!"

"Undo."

"What!"

"The undo button." Magnus shrugged. "After all, I caused the explosion."

"Uh . . . oh, okay."Akane replied, confused.

Magnus nodded.

Nabs nodded.

Akane paused, then nodded.

(Autotyper 2000: Yep.)

There was a pause.

"Uh, so . . . yeah." Magnus replied, standing up from the desk. Then, something hit him. Figuratively, not literally (Autotyper 2000 Quicky: This time). "Hey, Akane?"

"Huh?" the girl asked. "What is it?"

"Why did you stay?"

"Oh, um, well, you see . . ." She began, blushing.

KNOCK KNOCK!

The three teens turned to the door. Nabs started walking. "I'll get it." She grabbed the door handle, before opening it. "Hello?"

"Hi Nabs." a feminine-ish voice replied.

"Konatsu? What are you doing here?" the AI asked.

"Magnus said we had story work."

Nabs scratched the back of her head. "Well, . . . we sort of . . . cancelled."

"What? Why?"

"Well, when Mousse gave his giant popsicle stick model of the Tokyo tower to Shampoo, it exploded."

Konatsu just stared. After a moment, though, he sighed, before kicking the ground with his foot and walking away. "I don't get to do anything funny."

Nabs sighed, watching him go, before saying "Goodbye," to his retreating form. Then, she gently closed the door.

"Uh, well . . . now what?" Magnus asked to nobody. Then, he remembered. "Oh, right, Akane. You were saying?"

"Oh, well, . . ." the girl began, blushing again. "I . . . want to ask a favor."

Magnus blinked. "Okay . . . you need my help with something?" Akane nodded, her face turning even more red. "Okay."

"What?" Akane asked, blinking. "That's it?"

Magnus shrugged. "Well, yeah. It's just going to take some time. We're doing that Q&A thing next time, and I've got a surprise for the day after that. But then, . . . why not?"

"Don't you want to know what I need you to help with?"

Magnus thought, before scratching his chin. "Yeah, I guess so. It would probably help."

Akane blinked again, before nodding. "Well, I . . ."

(Autotyper 2000: YAY! CRUELTY TIME IS BACK! Because the chapter is over . . . NOW!)


	25. Message Mania

**Message Mania:**

"Hello everyone," Magnus began, waving to the audience from the center of the hologram room, standing in front of a table there, with Akane and Ranma sitting behind him. "Welcome to our message day. Since the season's almost over, I figured it was time to look at out questions, see what we can do to improve your understanding of _Ranma 1/2_, and just have some fun."

"Today, I'm going to be looking over review questions, Ranma will be going through email questions, and Akane get's web questions I found. So, since I'm lazy, she'll be helping myself and Ranma answer the questions we get." Magnus smiled, showing the thumbs up sign.

"Can we start now?" Ranma groaned, staring at the large piles of messages in front of him, and a equally large pile of reviews (Autotyper 2000 Ultra-super-dooper-fast Note: Ha ha! In your dreams, Magnus!) in front of Magnus's seat.

"Just a second. Two announcements. One, we might be going long today, just so you know. And two, we still don't own _Ranma 1/2_. Apparently, the Takahashi cloning machine made Shin Takahashi (Autotyper Extreme-Speed Note: Author of _Saikano_!) instead of Rumiko." Magnus replied, walking back to his seat. "Okay, Ranma, I'll go first."

(Autotyper 2000: What Ranma doesn't know is that Magnus's email address hadn't been shown on at the time of the taping of this chapter. Oh, and we turned off spam controls. Hee Hee!)

"So, here we go!" Magnus shouted, grabbing an envelope. "First one is from . . . Max Knight! Let's see." The boy sat silently for a moment, reading, before smiling and slamming down the letter. "Oh, so you want to know where I got the phone numbers from? Simple! They're available in you local telephone book!"

Akane blinked. "But, Magnus . . . don't you live in Massachusetts?"

The boy nodded. "And you live in Japan! What's the problem?" He turned back to the audience, picking the letter back up from the table. "Oh, it also asks about . . . so you want pictures of the characters, eh? And Ranma-chan? Well, you should have seen the one . . ."

A bright red glow appeared in the room.

Magnus gulped. "I feel a large battle aura behind me, so I think it's time I bring up our the fact that we here at _Ranma 1/2: The Fanfiction _think it's wrong to take such pictures of the characters, girls especially. Those who are found to break these rules will be thrown into a wall. Trust me, I know. I still have the bruises to prove it." He shuddered. "And you don't want to see those."

Ranma sat back down. "Perv."

"I am not a pervert!" Magnus shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Ranma.

There was a pause.

"Oh, right." Magnus muttered, sliding back down into his chair. "Ranma! Your turn!"

Snatching a blue envelope from the pile in front of him, he ripped it open. "Uh, whoops."

"What is it?"

He placed the two halves pf the envelope on the table. "I . . . um, ripped it in half."

The other two looked at him. Akane shook her head. "You have got to be kidding me."

Magnus snatched a envelope from the top of his own pile, tossing it over the table to Akane. "All right, why don't you try one, Akane."

"Okay." She replied, ripping the top of the envelope open. She slid in her fingers, before pulling it out. "Okay, this one is from DARK1." She read it for a moment. Her eyes widened. "Um, okay. Why don't I just read it all."

The two boys turned to her as she began to read:

"Okay.Weird Much.CRUNCH :Tom Nook from animal crossing,Goku,and the oatmeal blob from Calvin and Hobbes fall through the ceiling and start playing Go Fish:Beat that for weirdness!

Goku:got any threes?

Oatmeal blob:what's a three?

Tom Nook:Bingo!

Beat that for weirdness!"

(Autotyper 2000 : Cue silence.)

Silence.

(Autotyper 2000: Perfect.)

"Uh, well," Magnus began, rubbing his chin, "if you just watch the rest of the chapter, I'll probably do that." He nodded. "Thanks for review . . . wait a minute!"

He snatched the letter from Akane, looking at it. "What? What is it, Magnus?" Akane asked, leaning over to see him.

Magnus's eyes widened. "DARK1, you don't mean Goku, the evil evil man from that evil evil show. You know, the trilogy that started with the not-evil show, and then the evil evil show, and then the sort-of-evil show that ended it where Goku was the evil evil hero! You don't mean that Goku, from the evil evil show where thy hypnotized it's viewers to cause them to . . ."

"All right!" Nabs shouted, appearing suddenly and throwing a book at the back of Magnus's head, knocking him onto the floor with a THUD! "We get it! You don't like _Dragonball Z_!"

"Don't say the accursed name!" Magnus screamed, sliding under the table. "It's evil will come for us!"

There was a pause.

"Magnus, get out from under the table." Akane muttered, poking him in the ribs with her foot.

Magnus froze. "Okay." Slowly, he slid back out, stood up, brushed himself off, and sat down in his chair. "Next question:" RRRRRRIPP! "It's from The Liz! Let's see what it says: 'Hmm... favor favor what type of favor? String him in a tree by his knees? Turn him into a pig with some bees? Favor favor... shakes head violently Ugh... too much Nyquill... that stuff messes you up. Good chapter by the way, update soon!' "

AKane blinked. "Favor for what?"

"Uh," Ranma began, trying to remember. "Oh, right! It was for . . . Magnus, why are you growling at me?"

Akane glanced over to see a death glare from Magnus to Ranma. "Ranma. That's not what happened. **REMEMBER?**" Magnus warned.

"But I didn't say . . ."

"Say what? Nothing happened. **REMEMBER!**"

Akane blinked. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Magnus replied cheerfully. "She must have been making stuff up because of the Nyquill. Ranma doesn't owe me a favor. Openly."

"What was that?"

"Nothing! Probably just a Nyquil induced haze."

Akane slid back in her chair, pale. "How do you know about that!"

Magnus blinked. "Know about what?"

"The Nyquill that's hidden in . . . never mind!" Akane shouted, blushing and sliding her chair back.

Ranma turned to her. "Akane?"

"Nothing! Nothing I said! There is nothing about anything in what I just said!"

A long pause.

(Autotyper 2000: Well, that was awkward.)

Magnus shook his head. "Whatever. Ranma, you're up!"

The boy nodded, snatching another letter of the top of the pile, opening it carefully this time. He cleared his throat, and began to read. "Here we go. This . . . uh, email-thingy is from Anyway, it says 'Hey, you wanna get a close look at me on my web cam. Check me out! . . . ahh . . ." Ranma turned flourescent red, freezing in place from shock.

Akane stood up, leaning far over the table to see what the letter was. "What is it, Ranma? What's . . . oh my." She turned bright red as well.

Magnus sat still, knowing to not make any moves. If he spooked her, she was liable to kill him too.

"PERVERT!" Akane screamed, pulling out a giant mallet, and smashing it into the still frozen Ranma. He shouted in pain, before smashing into the wall and imbedding himself in it with a loud CRUNCH!

(Autotyper 2000: Ah, the joys of spam!)

Akane glared pure rage at the boy, when suddenly Nabs shouted out, "Hey, we have an internet question!"

(Autotyper 2000: Internet Question! YEAAAAH!)

Magnus glanced up from his frozen posture, Akane turned, beginning to lose signs of her rage, and Ranma gurgled unconsciously from the wall before falling out of his indentation and onto the floor.

"What's up, Nabs? What is it?"

The AI walked to the table, glancing between the two remaining conscious people in the room. "Well, it fits with the time. The question is where does the mallet Akane uses in the anime go when she puts it away."

Magnus nodded. "Yes, that is a crazy conundrum in the anime. Of course, not in the manga, since all the objects she uses are almost never mallets, and every one can actually be found in the scenery before she uses them as a blunt object to beat up whatever guy is nearby."

"Of course."

"Because the magna is the original and kicks ass!"

"Double of course."

Magnus nodded with a smile, before turning to the audience. "Well, for this complicated Akane question, we turn to our resident Akane expert, Akane." he turned to the girl, still holding the mallet, but now a little confused. "Akane, where do you put the mallet?"

The girl paused, before blushing. "Well, it's not anything really unique, I just put it behind my back and slide it into . . ."

"Oh my god! I know what you do with it!" Magnus shouted, jumping up. "You put it behind you and slide it right inside **an invisible backpack**!"

Nabs sighed. "Well, that's a interesting theory."

Akane stared for a moment. "How . . . how did you know that!"

Magnus and Nabs stared at her. "I was right?"

"He was right?"

(Autotyper 2000: Damn, I was way off!)

"Yeah, they gave me an invisible backpack when we started filming the show. I wear it all the time now." She slid the mallet behind herself, causing it to disappear, before shuffling around her shoulders and then swirling an arm. "Here, catch!"

Magnus raised his hands to catch something. WHAM! Unfortunately, his head snapped back before he sputtered and fell onto the ground unconscious.

Nobody moved.

"Oops."

(Autotyper 2000: Cues silence again.)

Silence.

(Autotyper 2000: Damn, I'm good!)

Nabs sighed. "Well, I guess that's it for today. We've lost two of our questioneers, so I think we should stop." The AI turned to the audience. "Thank you to everyone who submitted questions. I hope we answered . . . aw, who am I kidding? We didn't answer any questions. In other news, the next chapter will be the end of the season, so we are going to have a special, one of a kind preview day, where you might get to see scenes from upcoming episodes of _Ranma 1/2: The Fanfiction_! Don't miss it!"

"Chips?" Akane asked, holding out a bag of potato chips.

Nabs blinked. "Where did you get those?"

"Backpack."

She stared at the bag for a moment. "Why not?"

(Autotyper 2000: Darn, how come I never get chips! . . . oh, right, I'm a program. I can't eat. Damn you Magnus for making me unable to do things I don't need to do! AAARGH!)

(Editors (i.e. Nabs, Autotyper, and Magnus, but mostly Magnus) note: Hey everyone. We seemed to have hit a snag somewhere along the lines, and lost out on getting the length we were hoping for. And, due to the fact that there was a . . . large (Nabs: very large) (Autotyper: GYNOURMUS!) OKAY! They get it! A large (Autotyper: GYNOURMUS!) space of time where few chapters came out, we decided to add some "Emails Never Sent!" segment to the end of this question episode. Enjoy!)

EMAILS NEVER SENT:

(Autotyper 2000: DUN Dun duuuuuun!)

To: _Phantasy Puppy (Chapter 4):_

"_It's rare that a self-insert is actually funny. XD; Congratulations, and good job. nn"_

Wait, what kind of rare? Rare as in "wow, that's totally unique?" Because that would be way waaaay better than the other rare: "This disease is so rare we can't do anything about it. Oh, and you'll be dead in a week. Oh, and you owe us sixty thousand dollars. Oh, and I'm sleeping with your sister. Have a nice day now, bu bai!" It's not that kind of rare is it?

(Autotyper 2000: Ah, Magnus, and his horrible inability to do . . . well, actually, he can't do much of anything.)

(Nabs Note: Autotyper . . . just shut up for once.)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: Eternally Lost (Chapter 13)_

"_You know, this chapter coulda been longer..."_

Oh, well, excuuuuse me, mister! Sorry, am I not explaining enough! Maybe you'd like to live in a room with ten crazy people and record every last movement and scarring memory that happens, but I don't! Sheesh, how could you even find the story, mister E-ter-nelly lost? How'd you even find the review button? WAAA-bam!

Oh, by the way, please don't kill me. Oh, . . . uhh, I mean, thanks for the review! In . . . in addition to the not killing me.

(Autotyper 2000: . . .)

(Nabs Note: . . . I really don't think there's anything to say after that.)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: The Liz (Chapter 14)_

"_WHAT! UH NO! I have claim on Earth man! ME! You can have the dirty old empty universe but I get Earth! POWER TO THE ALMIGHTY LIZ! _

ahem Sorry. That just came out. But really man, what the hell? And wait a minute, didn't Ranma have a kid too? So that means... eww. Okay, no. Now I have to know what the heck is going on. Cause that's just weird. The whole "Let's act like Ataru and actually get a harem" thing? Weirdness.

Oh yeah, and the Earth is mine."

Hey, hey! I didn't exactly choose to have a harem, you know. That was not my actual plan. It just happened . . . except maybe in that one possible future where I did choose to have it, then maybe I did choose it. Or something. As for Ranma, you know . . . actually, no, wait, not going there. Let's just say at least I didn't throw spring of drowned girl water on other people, okay?

(Autotyper 2000: There, are you happy now, Nabs? Are you happy now,o,o,)

(Nabs Note: Huh?)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: Daisetsu (Chapter 16)_

"_So cold. How can Nabiki forget me so easily? First she feigns ignorance and then she's all like, "You read that?" So very cold indeed. _

And while we're on the subject cracks knuckles Just what is you're doing by knocking Nabiki up in the first place? Cracks neck from side to side We really need to have a long talk there /buddy/. Smash you to the ground? You should get off so lucky."

. . . Um . . . uh . . . well . . . I sorta . . . forgot what happened in chapter sixteen. Seriously. So, I'll just say what will hopefully solve all the problems.

PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!

(Autotyper 2000: Are you happy now? I was quiet, like you said! But no, I don't get any thanks from Nabs at all, do I!)

(Nabs Note: Autotyper, what the hell are you talking about?)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: Eternally Lost (Chapter 17)_

"_Dun dun dun! _

That's all I have to say."

That's all you need to say. Booyeah!

(Autotyper 2000: I go out of my way to do what you ask, do what you wanted me to do, and all I get are insults, and jabs, and snide remarks! Why, Nabs! Whyyyy!)

(Nabs Note: Autotyper, will you just calm down for a minute. What are you talking about?)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: Guardian of Balance (Chapter 17)_

"_Guardian:... _

Lira: Sorry Guardian can't bring herself to say how much fun your story is. She probably think it's below her or somthing to read comedy stories.

Guardian:... Shut it."

Well, . . . aw, crud, I don't have anything to say here. So, I'll just ramble for a while until I reach some sort of point. You'd be surprised how much that helps me think. You know, it can be therapeutic, too! Helps me relax, it does. Especially after that time where Kagome got drunk off her ass at the party . . . god, if Miroku hadn't been so tall, I would've been hit right in the face with that bottle of vodka. Of course, she did slap me across the face a couple of times after that to make up for it. Then again, I probably deserved it for saying _Bleach _was better than _Inu Yasha _anime. Anyway, thanks for the review (see how you wrap around like that to end up nowhere? That's the sign of good writing . . . or people who are insane. Whatever works).

(Autotyper 2000: Oh, now you care, now that I'm expressing myself! You're just like the man, always keeping people down! You . . . man, you!)

(Nabs Note: Okay, now you're freaking me out. I'm just going to turn away now and ignore you, so just keep talking.)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: Sleepingbear (Chapter 19)_

"_It's so refreshing to see a story with nothing resembling a coherent plot. Mark Twain would be proud I think.  
I want to see more of Nabs! I love Nabs! She's my favorite! How about a chapter devoted just to Nabs? You could call it sex talk!  
Daisetsu: How about a chapter of just Ukyo? You could call it Talk Sex!  
Ahem. Keep up the good work."_

Okay, now you're freaking me out. How the hell am I supposed to do any chapter like that, with Ukyo, and give it that title? Okay, fine, I could do it, but how would I ever be able to be within a hundred feet of her without imminent death threats, which would then be immediately carried out by her? Could you go back to threatening me or something? Because that made me feel much safer.

(Autotyper 2000: Hee hee hee, Title is such a good word for this email . . . especially when you spell it without the "l".)

(Nabs Note: Okay, Autotyper's back to normal. About time.)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: Sangonesan (Chapter 19)_

"_This is really funny! I love it! You should do one like this but with InuYasha!"_

Uh, no. I went to the after party the day the show ended in Japan . . . Okay, I met Inu Yasha, and we're good friends and all, but Kagome got drunk for the first time, and . . . It was awful. Just . . . completely awful. Off camera and sober, she is freaking awesome; on camera, normal; drunk, party animal. And by party animal, I mean actual animal. She threw things, smacked people who were being pervs (I guess that was a good thing) and me (and I **was not** being a perv). Even Takahashi-san was shaking her head by the end. And . . . Miroku is still a perv beyond normal off camera, beyond normal for Kuno, Happosai, and himself on camera combined (I am NOT going into that), but Sango . . . no, let's not go there. If I get around to it, though, I'll invite Inu Yasha over to hang for a chapter or two, okay?

(Autotyper 2000: Oh, sure, as soon as I start having fun and getting over my problems, you snap at me again! Why do you do this to me!)

(Nabs Note: Okay, you know what, forget it!)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: Sleepingbear (Chapter 20)_

"_Rarely have I seen such a long rant induced by such an innoculous review.  
Still...  
I think you're lying! There is no plot! Just one hilarious scene after another.  
And more Nabs in a skin tight outfit. Can the next one be transparent? Or at least skimpy? Hey I know! You can have a beach episode! Fan service!  
Ahem...  
Daisetsu would like to know why Nabiki was hugging you? Also mentioned something about needing new victems... er I mean characters for Retribution. Who can understand the mind of an SI?  
As always, you deliver the laughs in a timely fashion."_

Innocuous (You spelled it wrong, by the way) review? Why, you questioned the very sanctity of my plot with that review, and I, sir, am appalled that you, of all people, would stoop so low. There most certainly is a plot! Gracious, it's a sad state of affairs when a writer is believed to be crafting a story, any story at all, and be though to have no plot. Bah! I say unto you. Bah!

(Autotyper 2000: You don't care about me one bit, do you, Nabs! DOO YOUUUUUU!)

(Nabs Note: Autotyper, can we stop with the . . . what the f is that!)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: Paige C. (Chapter 21)_

"_...okay...first of all...YOU'RE A GUY? I know that sounds weird, but I never read this story before so I had no idea!Oo _

BTW...You're insane, ya know. I only read this chapter and I'm already convinced that you should be in a aslym. I feel sorry for you, the guys are gonna give you such a hard time in the next chapter;

This story is FUNNY!"

Actually, I am a guy (after that operation, of course). And thank you for the compliment that I am insane. I try my best. Enjoy the future of this story.

(Autotyper 2000: Oh, sure, Nabs, change the subject again! And start swearing. And . . . hey, you never swear.)

(Nabs Note: Autotyper, shut it. Somebody please tell me what the hell that was! Because it sure as hell better not be what I think it is!)

Peanut Butter 71 (Smfali Eyce)

. . . err, I mean . . .

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: LunaRose AF (Chapter 22)_

"_That was funny! I didn't know Nabiki could GET hyper. A hyper nabiki is extremely scary. no more Coca Cola for her... or the other type of coke. ;;  
LunaRose"_

Yeah, Nabiki's got some weird streaks in her sometimes. Although I didn't expect that either. And . . . as for the aforementioned "other type of coke" . . . don't worry . . . that was removed from the soda pop beverage in the late 1920s.

(Autotyper 2000: The more you know! )

(Nabs Note: Autotyper, what did I just say? Shut it! And then tell me who wrote that last review!)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: Raymond (Chapter 22)_

"_That was really good! I can't wait to find out what happens next!(insert evil laugh)"_

Nabs could do that for you. And I hope the story continues to entertain for quite some time. Thanks for reviewing.

(Autotyper 2000: Shut up _and_ tell you who wrote it?)

(Nabs Note: Dammit Autotyper! You know what I mean! Now tell me who wrote that last review!)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: soapfiction (Chapter 22)_

"_Pretty good so far. Can't wait to see what happens next. Oh, and thanks for putting some drug humor in the fic. That's one thing that you never see in the manga, along with scatological humor."_

Well, by now you have seen what happened next. Hope you liked it. BTW, was there no manga that had drug humor? No Cheech and Chong of some Hokkaido con? That's really pathetic. We must rectify the matter! Eventually, or something.

(Autotyper 2000: Raymond? What do you have against him? He seemed really nice . . .)

(Nabs Note: No, not Raymond, you dolt! The other one . . . that pervy guy talking about me! Who the heck was that!)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

_To: ForgottenSmile (Chapter 22)_

"_Funny! Can't stop laughing."_

And yet, you were still able to type a review. Now that's dedication! Take that non-reviewing readers! Bah! I say to you, non-reviewers. Bah!

(Autotyper 2000: Raymond's not a pervy guy, and he wasn't talking about you, Nabs. Don't get mad at Raymond. His hands are clean.)

(Nabs Note: No, I said NOT RAYMOND! The other . . . aw, what the hell am I arguing with you for! This is pointless! Forget it!)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

Well, everyone, that's the end of our "Emails Never Sent" section this week. Stay tuned, as next week, we add on some more to the bottom of the next chapter. And we do something more shocking than ever before! (Yes, even more shocking than me having sex with Ranma shudder. He was a girl at the time, I tell you! I'm innocent!) So, keep an eye out for that, as it's gonna rock! WHOOT!

(Autotyper 2000: Stay tuned as I do what I do best even better! )

(Nabs Note: Which would be nothing helpful! I still can't find the perv's name! Errg . . . well, hope you enjoyed this, everyone. Except for that mystery perv.)

(Autotyper 2000: Stop making fun of Raymond!)

(Nabs Note: I said it wasn't Raymond already!)

(Autotyper 2000: Oh . . . did you mean Tuxedo Mask then?)

(Nabs Note: No, not him either, I meant . . . aw, forget it!)

_(Editor's Final Note: Okay, for anyone out there who thinks that I crossed the line with this, sorry. But don't worry, everyone gets there comeuppance. Including me. So, if you have any inclination to hurt me for anything, just wait til next chapter. )_


	26. Trailer Hitch

**Trailer Hitch:**

Magnus jumped up out of a seat, jumping over it towards the audience. "Hey, everyone! Welcome to the final episode of _Ranma 1/2: The Fanfiction, Season 1_!"

(Autotyper 2000: Yes, that means that the story isn't over yet, no matter how much you wish it to be.)

"So, in celebration of the beginning of _Season 2: Taking on The World_ and the end of _Season 1: We're Too Lazy to Come up With a Title for This Season_, we're going to do something never done before. We're going to look to **the future**, and show you a trailer of what could happen in upcoming episodes of _Ranma 1/2: The Fanfiction_!"

"We know that, Magnus!" Ukyo shouted, throwing a container of popcorn at Magnus. "You told us last time!"

"I was just reminding everyone." Magnus replied, rubbing the back of his head, knocking exploding-corn-goodness out of his hair and onto the floor. "So, anyway, on with the show! Autotyper, do the disclaimer while I set up the projector." The boy walked over to a strategically placed cart, wheeling it over into position on a large x on the floor.

(Autotyper 2000: Look at me, I'm the Amazing Autotypah! Twoo-Thousand-ah! Bow down before my awesome control over the English language! Know that I, the Amazing Autotyper, and my mediocre friends, have no copyright ownerships on _Ranma ½ _and all other series which we do not own! So, those who sue shall face my awesome might! RAAAAAGH!)

Nabs sighed. "Well, you seem to be very calm today, Autotyper. Why don't you just take a little break before I slam the laptop shut."

"All right, there we go." Magnus flicked on the power switch, before taking a cable over towards the computer. "Okay, everyone take your seats!"

Nabiki looked up fom the front row, which was also the only row. "We already did that."

"Oh. Okay then. . . . Keep up the good work." Magnus went back to setting the projector up.

Nabs, in a Botan cosplay from _Yu Yu Hakusho_ (Nabs Note: Complete with the flying oar), walked over and sat down on the edge of the desk. "Magnus, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Why not? It's not like the projector runs to high of a current. I won't get shocked with electricity."

"That's not what I was talking about. I meant, are you sure it's a good idea to show this set of clips from the future, since, after all, nobody, not even I, have watched it. We don't know what's on there. It could be anything."

Magnus shook his head, smiling. "Aw, it'll be all right, Nabs. Nothing to worry about. It can't be that bad." The girl stared at him for a moment. He smiled. "Trust me."

Taking a deep breath, Nabs stood up and walked over to the door. "If you say so."

"All right, everybody! Here we go with . . . wait a second. Does anyone have to go to the bathroom before we start?" Magnus looked along the row of seats. "I'm not going to pause the movie for someone to go. Is everyone sure?"

WHAM!

"Just start the movie, you jackass!" Ukyo screamed, having thrown a shoe at Magnus, with plenty of accuracy.

Standing back up, and ignoring the shoe shaped burning sensation in his forehead, Magnus nodded. "Then let's watch the trailer for _Ranma 1/2: The Fanfiction: Season 2: Taking On The World_!"

The lights dimmed, the projector spang to life, and numbers began counting down on the screen as Magnus ran forward, jumping over his seat to then fall back into it.

5.

4.

3.

2.

* * *

_Coming soon, to a writing website near you . . . Ranma 1/2: The Fanfiction. _

BOOM!

_**Season 2!**_

_Magnus, Nabs, Autotyper, and the Ranma ½ crew return for more zany stunts, more wacky events, and more of your favorite insane writer being a pervert!_

Magnus jumped up out of his chair, grabbing it, and hurling it across the scene into Mousse, screaming "I AM NOT A PERVERT!" and knocking the Amazon into the wall.

_With more action!_

Ranma and Magnus, standing on the Dojo roof, stared horridly at the camera. "Oh my god!" Magnus screamed, pointing to the camera. "It's a flying saucer!"

"AAAGH!" the two of them screamed together.

A brick flew across the screen, smashing into Magnus's head. That was followed by Ukyo walking out and muttering, "It's just a plate."

_More laughter!_

Nabiki was rolling on the floor laughing, pointing up at Magnus. "BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA! AAAAHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! GAH HA! GAH HA! BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! AAAAAHH! . . . what are we laughing at?"

_More reality!_

Shampoo swung an accusing finger out at Ukyo. "You -----! You go ---- your ---- ---- ---- --- ----- --- -- -------!"

"Shut your ---- you -----!" Ukyo screamed back, knocking the Amazon's hand away. "You're a ---- --- ------ ---- --- ------!"

"--- --- --- ------ --- ----!"

"------ --- -- --- ---- --- ---!"

_More Ranma!_

"You're just saying that because I can kick your ass."

_More Shampoo!_

"What you do with Shampoo's poison darts shaped like candy?"

_More Mousse!_

"Shampoo! I'm going to do it! I'm going to jump off a building to prove my love for you, just like you asked! AAAAAAGH!"

_More Ryoga!_

"Hey, this isn't the men's room."

_More Nabiki!_

"You touch me with that and nobody will find any remains."

_More Konatsu!_

"What? You mean I can actually have part in a joke and not get cut off like

_More of Somebody Else!_

"Damn you!"

_More Akari! _

"What's the point of that, Magnus?"

_I think that was Akari._

"I don't know. I thought it was me too, but now I'm not sure."

_More Ukyo!_

"Sure, you can have ferret stew. And I have just the ferret in mind."

_More Akane!_

"Pervert!"

_(What were you expecting?)_

"Shut up!"

_More Autotyper 2000!_

(Autotyper 2000: And all it took was a flaming bag of dog poo? I don't believe it!)

_More Nabs!_

"Magnus, if you don't shut up soon, somebody will kill you for this. I can't say who, but somebody will."

_More Magnus!_

"Ha! In your face, space coyote!"

_And while there's no Lemon or Lime, we've got plenty of Kumquat with everyone's favorite love muffin!_

There stood Akane, held by the gentle arms of Magnus, both looking lovingly at each other. With an agonizingly slow movement, the two lovers slid together, embracing in a passionate kiss as they stood together . . .

* * *

"MAGNUS!" Ranma and Ryoga screamed, joined in by Ukyo, Shampoo, Mousse, and Konatsu for the hell of it. They turned to face his chair. He was gone. 

"Nabs! Make the room two miles by twelve!" Magnus shouted, running for the back wall.

The girl nodded, rubbing her temples. The room expanded, spacing out a huge distance as Magnus continued to run, six people chasing after him.

Ranma and Ryoga were after him because he was a pervert. Mousse, because he might go after Shampoo too. Ukyo, because she hated Magnus. Shampoo, because she wanted to beat him up since he . . . well, she really didn't have a reason, but she went anyway. And Konatsu was there for being cut off in his quote by the voice, and, more importantly, because he didn't want to wait around when Akane exploded. And so, the group of six went racing after him.

Nabiki, however, was quite into the rest of the clip. "Woah, there goes the lovers, falling onto . . . ooh, a convieniently placed bed. Lucky Akane." she said loudly, knowing quite well her sister was right next to her, blushing furiously and not looking at the screen, half unconscious of everything around herself. "Wow, that's some crazy kissing, Akane. . . . oh my . . . I didn't know you were **that** flexible, Akane. . . ." Nabiki blushed bright red. "Well, that's not something you see every day in a make-out session. Ranma doesn't know what he's missing, Akane. I can't believe you and Magnus . . ."

Cutting her off, Akane jumped into the air, fists raised, pulling a mallet from her invisible bag. "Magnus! YOU ARE A DEAD MAN!" Then, she went sprinting off to join the rest of the group.

"CRAP! Crap crap crap!" Magnus shotued to himself as he continued running. "NABS!"

The girl, riding her oar, shot up beside him. "Yes?"

"Activate emergency plan number 204 G!"

There was a pause. Nabs rode closer to the boy. "Um, Magnus . . . you never wrote that one."

"What? Aw, crud! Now what!"

"MAGNUS!"

"Oh man, that's AKANE! What do I do!" Suddenly, a cold realization went through Magnus's mind. "Nabs, we're going to use it."

"What?"

"Emergency Plan number 1."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Do it. Now, before I get killed!"

"All right." Nabs swung away o her oar. It was time for the mother of all emergency escape plans.

There was a flash of light, and everything froze. Except for Nabs, who slowly rode the oar back to the computer.

(Autotyper 2000: Nabs? What happened?)

"Emergecny Plan number1."

(Autotyper 2000: He used it!)

"Yep, now to finish it."

(Autotyper 2000: Okay, see you in a minute!)

- - -

"All right, there we go." Magnus flicked on the power switch, before taking a cable over towards the computer. "Okay, everyone take your seats!"

Nabiki looked up form the front row, which was also the only row. "We already did that."

"Oh. Okay then. . . . Keep up the good work." Magnus went back to setting the projector up.

Nabs, in a Botan cosplay from _Yu Yu Hakusho_ (Nabs Note: Complete with the flying oar), walked over and sat down on the edge of the desk. "Magnus, you really don't want to do this."

"Sure we do, Nabs. Nothing will go wrong with the wiring."

"I meant showing the trailer."

"Why?"

"Something bad will happen if you do!"

"I'm sure it'll be fine."

- - -

(Five minutes later . . .)

"NABS! Use Emergency plan number 1!"

- - -

"Nothing to worry about, Nabs. We'll be okay."

"But you used emergency plan number 1!"

"No I didn't. I'd never do something like that!"

- - -

"Nabs! Use it! Please!"

- - -

(Twenty one repetitions later . . .)

WHAM!

Magnus careened away, slamming into the wall.

"Magnus! Listen to me for once!" Nabs screamed, running up to the boy. "You've used plan number one twenty four times today!"

Magnus stared up at her, dazed for a moment, before shaking his head out and looking directly at her. "You mean the one where life freezes, and then everyone's memory is erased fifteen minutes before, and you reset to that point and try to schedule events to prevent a major disaster? That plan?" He made circular gestures with his hand to emphasize the idea.

"Yes, that plan! If you show that movie," she leaned down and whispered into the boy's ear. His eyes widened into dinner plates. "And not only that, but let's not forget that I can't keep memories erased for more than six hours. And it's been five hours, fifty nine minutes, and fifty three seconds since that first one! . . . Oh, that's not good."

"You mean everyone's about to remember?"

"Yeah."

The group, sitting in the seats, along with Magnus, all suddenly perked up. "Magnus! You're going to pay for that!" Ranma shouted, along with most everyone else as they gave chase.

Magnus began ducking under flying objects, avoiding major attacks, and trying to ignore Nabiki's laughter, looked back to see Akane at the back of the pack, even though she was clearly very upset. That was a good sign. He wouldn't be dead at the end of this. So, doing something nice wasn't totally forgotten by her. That was good. He liked to not be dead.

And then he tripped.

(Autotyper 2000: So, Nabs, how much of what was seen in the trailer do you think will actually happen?)

"No, Ryoga, not that!"

(Nabs Note: Well, after what's happened today, I would say Ukyo's line, Konatsu's line, and Akane's line are about all we can expect to happen. I want to know who would go ahead and call Magnus a 'Love Muffin', though.)

"Ranma, don't you . . . AAGH!"

(Autotyper 2000: That is pretty freaky. Well, anyway, to all our audience out there, thank you for coming, and stay tuned for _Ranma 1/2: The Fanfiction: Season 2: Taking on the World_!)

"NO! MY SPLEEN!"

(Editor's (as in Magnus, Nabs, and Autotyper 2000, but mostly Magnus) Note: In accordance with what we set up last chapter, we will be doing more "Emails Never Sent!" because it wouldn't be fair to just cut out other peoples comments. (Autotyper: because making fun of people is fun!) (Nabs: And maybe we can find mister perv out there somewhere too. ) Um, yeah. So, here's a few more EMAILS NEVER SENT:)

To: _Soapfiction (Chapter 8):_

"_Funny. In some versions of the rhyme, it's snakes instead of slugs. I could've sworn it was snakes... _

Anyway, funny chapter. I probably would've done away with the AI couple before they walked out the door, though. You don't want your own creations out on the loose.

Next chapter. Happy trails."

Well, I took my version from _Calvin and Hobbes_, the foremost authority on silly children rhymes. Calvin's quite a scientist, I must say. And as for releasing the creations, heh . . . wait, crud, I didn't do something. That can't be good. Wonderful Pathways.

(Autotyper 2000: Can't be good? Or won't be good?)

(Nabs Note: Ladies and gentlemen, the grammatical nutcase.)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

To: _Soapfiction (Chapter 21):_

"_I know what you're thinking (you'll see this review first). Maybe you got a lot of new reviews from different people. Wrong. They're all from me. It just shows you that some people still care about this secondary story of yours. _

Anyway, onto the chapter. You must be in really bad shape for fighting. Because Nabiki is rather light, and not very strong. Either way, I don't really like her. I would love to just light a 10,0-yen bill on fire right before her eyes.

So, she likes Coke. Not Pepsi. It just reminds me that, since my school has a deal with Coca-Cola, no Pepsi products are sold on campus. It sucks. I like VARIETY!

You know how I feel. Don't give up on this story. Happy trails."

Actually, when I got the emails saying I had twenty one new reviews (for those of you who didn't see the sign around chapter 22, this guy randomly did twenty one reviews after I had disappeared for a while), I read them in order. So, NYAH! And as for fighting Nabiki . . . if I fight back, not only will everyone else hate me for injrung a girl who doesn't know martial arts, not only will Nabiki destroy me, some fan will undoubtably curse my existence to untimely doom. So you know what, I'll take a beating. I can handle that. NYAH! And I haven't given up. Just disapperated. Wonderful Pathways.

(Autotyper 2000: Everybody loves coke! Bring on the coke!)

(Nabs Note: Why does it have to be my job to keep Autotyper in line?)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

To: _Soapfiction (Chapter 22):_

"_I keep tellin' him...he's gotta stick around if he wants to actually be in a joke. That kunoichi just blends in too much.  
Tokyo tower. Popsicle sticks. Styrofoam would have been more exciting than that. All that tension leading up to nothing. Of course, his idea of a romantic time is checking out deadites...Happy trails."_

Aren't ninjas supposed to blend in? Ah well, that's his problem. I keep trying to have him around, but chance is just evil, I guess. And as for the tower, did I not say how stupid of an idea it was from the beginning? I thought I had earned enough trust to realize that it was going to be quite pathetic. Wonderful Pathways.

(Autotyper 2000: Do you want me to keep you in line, Nabs?)

(Nabs Note: No, because that means you'll have me either be doing something incredibly stupid or Google-ing hentai images.)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

To: _Sleepingbear (Chapter 25):_

"_coughs from all the dust kicked up by the shattered forth wall  
An interesting and novel approach. _

You may be skating on thin ice as far as the mods of go.

Never the less, I had a good laugh and a good read and that's all that matters."

Well, thank you. And I cut down on my emails for this part. Should they ever say stop, I'll stop. But most of all, thanks both to you and your avatar for not calling on my untimely death again. (Smiley)

(Autotyper 2000: Ah HA! . . . I've got nothing.)

(Nabs Note: See! Other people notice the dust too. I told Magnus we needed to replace the air filter again!)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

To: _Dragons Ark (Chapter 25):_

"_8675309f8675309u8675309nn8675309y!"_

Exactly.

(Autotyper 2000: Of course.)

(Nabs Note: . . . Um, okay.)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

To: _Soapfiction (Chapter 25):_

"_Talk about writer's block...  
Hope you've got something else in store for us after all this. I'm not mad; I can live without updates. It's just fun to read some of these stories, that's all. _

Honestly, though, why are you always being submissive to the characters? Just once, I'd like to see Ranma get his clock cleaned, prefferably by an outside, non-anime character. Hope I can see that sometime.

I don't care for DBZ either. Happy trails."

Well, then, you must be certainly very much alive right now. But I hope you enjoy this, and anything else you happen to find. As for Ranma . . . I just don't really see why I should beat him up. We all may attract insanity, but that doesn't mean he has anything I want that I can take from him. So you know what, let him try and crush my spirit! While it may be weak, and frail, and very malleable, it . . . wait, hold on . . . dammit!

(Autotyper 2000: I'm not allowed to say this, as of the editing of this chapter, Magnus hasn't found out why he should be, but stay tuned for the ass kickery.)

(Nabs Note: There is much ass left to kick, if I may say so myself.)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

To: _Xero (Chapter 25): _

"_Update.Why you ask?It's because if you don't I will... UNLEASH THE ALMIGHTY POWER OF MY INSANE,RABID MONKEY NINJA ARMY!FEAR THE MONKEYS  
FEAR THEM,FEAR THEM I SAY!BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!1 LOL :)"_

See, this is why it takes so long for me to update, people sending diseased animals after me all the time. Can people please stop trying to kill me! Waaaaaaaah! Thanks for reviewing!

(Autotyper 2000: Oh, I remember the monkey ninjas. Those things were crazy.)

(Nabs Note: Yeah, and let's not forget who opened the door and let them in. Moron.)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

To: _Sangonesan (Chapter 25):_

"_Okay they can come and hang out for a couple chappies! Its be funny to see everyone kicking Miroku's ass for groping all the girls and female Ranma. And what hapened with Sango at the after party? I have to know now"_

Um, no, I don't think you want to know what she did. It was scarring, both mentally and physically. And while it would be kind of funny to watch Miroku crushed into the ground, the fact that I would be listed as the one who invited him would probably garuntee that I would also be pounded into the ground with him.

(Autotyper 2000: That strap on the boomerang bone ain't just for holding it at arms length, if you know what I mean.)

(Nabs Note: No, I don't think they know what you mean. And I don't want to know what it is you mean.)

Magnus 17 (Smiley Face)

(Editor's Note: Well, everyone, thanks for reviews and everything. I'm sorry if I didn't get to your review, I wanted to cut down a little on this. And I don't think it's going to come again. But the show shall go on. Thanks for all the kind words and laughs. It's been a wonderful season, and hopefully Season 2 won't take quite so long. Rock on, world!)


	27. She Fing Hates Me!

**She F---ing Hates Me:**

Akane drew in a breath, her hands tenderly placed on the boy's waist. Slowly, she breathed out, summoning her courage to say what she always wanted to in these perfect circumstances. "I . . . I love you." She muttered quietly, her eyes closing in fear. Rejection was a real possibility; it was all up to the boy.

He stood, staring down at her and her gentle words. "Akane . . ." Magnus replied, gulping as well as he placed his hands gingerly on her shoulders. The girl turned up to look at him, her face a bit scared, but stronger than a moment before. "I . . . I . . . love you . . . too." he finally forced out.

(Autotyper 2000: Holy crap, Magnus! This isn't even real and you can't say jack to a girl! How much of a loser are you!)

"Shut up, Autotyper." Nabs said, turning to the laptop and thwacking it with the back of her hand gently, tilting the screen a bit. "As for you two, I think that went very well, Akane."

"R-really? Do you think he'll say the same thing!" Akane asked, both fearful and exited at the same time as she let her hands drop from Magnus's sides.

The boy pulled his hands off her shoulders gently, nodding. "Of course he will, Akane. Deep down, Ranma loves you too. He just needs to say it."

Akane blushed, her eyes turning to the ground. "Really?" she asked cautiously.

"Of course he does. And what you said will work like a charm."

The Japanese girl looked back up again, smiling. "You thought it was good?"

Nabs nodded, walking forward from the desk. "Yes, Akane. It was very romantic." The AI's mood darkened. "Much better than that Tokyo Tower model Mousse made for Shampoo."

"True, true." Magnus replied, walking to the desk. "Well, he should be here in a minute, Akane . . ." the boy paused, looking at the ground. "Hmm, a puddle of mud. Oh well." Magnus continued on past the random mud puddle to sit back in the chair. "Autotyper, disclaimer please."

(Autotyper 2000: Did you get it? The title? The allusion! Huh! Did you get it! . . . anyway, Magnus, Nabs and I own nothing of the official _Ranma ½_ copyrights. This is not used for profit or blah-dy blah blah blaaaaaaaaah.)

The door swung open. "Magnus! I'm here on this random day that you sent for me for and nobody else but Akane half an hour before me!" Ranma shouted, before entering and shutting the door behind himself.

"Oh, Ranma, you're here." Magnus replied, standing from his chair. "Just wait a few minutes, I need to clean up some stuff in the break room." The boy stood back up, walked to the other door, opened it, and then turned back. "Nabs, can you work on that bug in the scenery?"

"Sure thing!" Nabs replied, before vanishing into thin air.

(Autotyper 2000: HA! In your face! I didn't tell you which cosplay she had on! Nyah nyah!)

Magnus entered the room and shut the door behind himself.

The room was silent for a while.

"Hi Akane." Ranma said, realizing he hadn't before.

Akane jumped a bit, before turning to him slowly, her cheeks rosy. "Oh, hi Ranma." There was a pause, as the two teens stood. Taking a deep breath, Akane broke the silence this time. "Um, Ranma . . . can I talk to you about something?"

The boy blinked, looking at her for a moment, before nodding. "Sure, what's on your mind?"

Akane turned a bit brighter red. "Well, we've been . . ."

SLAM! "Hey, Magnus!" Ukyo shouted angrily. "I'm here!" WHAM! She smashed the door closed.

WHAM! Magnus burst through the door, running behind her and pushing her into the break room. "OhcrapSorryUkyoIwasgoingtocallyouandtellyounottocometodaysojustcomeinhereandhelpmewiththebreakroom!" SLAM!

"What was that about?" Ranma asked, leaning around his fiancee to look at the break room door.

Akane urked, pausing and thinking. "Oh, well . . . something . . . exploded, in there, and Magnus just wants Ukyo to help clean up."

"Oh, okay."

Akane breathed a sigh of relief before speaking again. "Ranma, I know we've known . . ."

SLAM! "Hey, this isn't the train station." Ryoga said loudly, looking around. "Where am I now!" WHAM!

WHAM! Magnus burst out the door again, running behind Ryoga and shoving him into the break room as well. "WellshitRyoganicetoseeyougetinthereweneedtocleanstuffnowokaythanksthat'sgood!" SLAM!

Ranma looked to the only other person in the room. "Um, Akane? Are they going to be all right in there? Should we help them?"

Akane sighed. Why couldn't he be courteous like this more often? "No, Ranma, they'll be okay. It's nothing to worry about." She saw Ranma nod at that, before the teen began to speak again. "Ranma, there's something I really want to tell you. For a long time . . ."

"WHAT!" Ukyo screamed through the door. "They're . . ."

"Nabs! Emergency plan 12 C omega!" Magnus screamed before the door could open.

(Nabs Note: So, . . . **here's **when I activated the plan.)

BWING! A large, blue, and soundproof shield appeared over the door.

"Uh, Akane, why did they just put a shield over the door?"

The girl turned back, starting to lose her temper at all the interruptions. "Oh, to . . . uh, stop other interruptions . . . I mean, explosions!"

Ranma blinked. "Eh, okay. I guess so." The boy scratched the back of his head, unsure what was going on.

"Anyway . . ." Akane replied, summing up her courage again. "Ranma, you and I have both . . ."

Ranma, not saying anything, looked out to see the door to the break room buckling silently, taking large hits from some big object slowly, every few seconds or so. He could hear Akane talking in the background, and so the boy nodded slowly, although he ignored what she was saying. Suddenly, the door shattered as Magnus shot forward, hit the shield, bounced off and smashed into Ukyo and Ryoga, knocking all three down.

Ukyo ran to the shield, shouting something, but making no noise. Suddenly, she stopped, touching the blue energy wall with her hand. Poking it a few times, she began searching around it with her eyes. Looking to her left, along the wall towards the back, she noticed the absence of blue energy field. She turned and shouted something to Ryoga, both of them grabbed Magnus, and then they disappeared from the doorway.

"Ranma!"

"Huh!" Ranma shouted, shaking his head and looking to Akane. "Akane? What is it?"

"Were you even listening!" she shouted, leaning up to get in Ranma's face.

The boy paled. "Oh, um, eh . . . er . . . no, not really."

The Tendo growled, reaching back into her invisible backpack.

BOOM! The wall along the break room exploded, something shooting through it.

"SAOTOME! Prepare to die!"

"Ranma, you traitor!"

Ukyo and Ryoga descended on Ranma, attacking crazily. "Wait, what's going on!" Ranma shouted, dodging the blows.

Akane threw her hands in the air. "Forget it!" she shouted, before storming to the door and out into the hallway, heading for home.

"Akane, what URK!" Ranma shouted as Ryoga smashed him into the wall towards the outside world, blowing through to the hallway. The Saotome jumped back up. "Okay, Ryoga, I've had enough!"

"Then take this!" Ryoga shouted, running through the hole and punching at Ranma, before the two of them began battling out of sight.

"I don't care what Nabiki said, Magnus, but I'm never going to out with you! You'll never beat him!" Ukyo screamed, before running out the hole in the wall and turning down the hall, disappearing as well.

There was a long pause in the nearly empty room.

Nabs reappeared. "Magnus, you okay?"

"Uuuuuuuuuuggggh . . ." the boy moaned, leaning up with a chorus of "ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!" as the pain in his body flooded his mind. "They . . . used me . . . to break down the door . . . and break through the wall." He began rubbing his chest, causing him to wince.

Nabs walked over, reaching down and helping the boy up. "I guess it was a good thing we toughened you up after what happened at the preview day."

"My spleen still hurts from that, thanks for reminding me!" Magnus replied.

"See, you're okay." Nabs said with a smile. "You still got that anger in you." Then Magnus collapsed back onto the floor. "Well, maybe not."

"Forget it." Magnus replied, sitting on the floor and breathing hard. "Damn, my doctor's going to scream at me for this." Nabs brought his chair over from behind the desk, helping the boy up and into it. He began chanting "ow ow ow ow ow!" again as he moved, but didn't try to sit back down onto the floor.

Nabs leaned down to look the boy in the eyes, brushing some of his hair out of his face. His forehead was bleeding. "Is it that bad?"

Magnus winced again. "No, I just can't stand up under my own power and I swallowed a piece of concrete."

"Do you want to try and use the system to heal some of the injuries?"

"After what happened last time? No way!" He clutched his side, which had hit the doorknob when he broke the door.

(Autotyper 2000: For what happened last time, please see just after Ukyo kicks Magnus's ass. Oh, wait, that happens a lot. Um . . . where it's only her that beats the crud out of him. Oh .. . right. Uh . . . chapter 11. Just go with that.)

"All right. Well, from what the scanners say, nothing's broken. That's something, right?"

"Thank god for that." Suddenly, he paused, lost in thought, though still clearly in pain. "Nabs, what did Ukyo say?"

"Huh?"

"She . . . said something about dating her . . . and . . . not being able to beat someone . . . and . . ."

"Nabiki." The AI replied.

There was a quiet pause.

"I have a feeling it's not going to be fun. Considering our last encounter with her."

"What, where she pinned you on the floor and made you grab her breast?"

"Don't remind me!" Magnus shouted, blushing.

(Autotyper 2000: I've got a picture of that scene! I know! Magnus needed a new background wallpaper anyway.)


	28. How To Break Up With Anime Characters!

**How To Break Up with Anime Characters:**

(Nabs Note: Hello everyone. If you can't tell already, it is I, Nabs, your favorite computer AI designed to look like Nabiki Tendo.)

(Autotyper 2000: And I am autotyper 2000! And here's a Dislcaimer: Well, anything here that happens to be mentioned in this fic that isn't owned by Magnus 17 isn't ours. But, the funny thing is, almost all of it is! IN YOUR FACE, YOU SNOOTY LAWYERS! BWAH HA HA HA HA! )

(Nabs Note: Yes. As a matter of fact, since Magnus is still recovering from his injuries over the course of the last two chapters . . .)

(Autotyper 2000: including damage to his spleen, head, lungs, liver, back, arms, legs, and, as you can guess, his –)

(Nabs Note: ANYWAY! Magnus has asked us to fill in this chapter for him, so we decided to publish his nearly not unfamous "How to Break Up With an Anime Character" form letters! Extened Edition!)

(Autotyper 2000: These have never been shown anywhere else in their extended form, so, enjoy this PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT! WHOOT! )

(Nabs Note: . . . Right. So, to use these letters, simply circle, check, highlight, or fill in the choices that personalize this letter to your specific needs. Then, simply mail it off, and pray they don't come after you with some large, dangerous implement.)

(Autotyper 2000: By the way, **_Magnus 17 and his assistants are not responsible for any injuries suffered during or because of the use of these letters. Mail at your own risk. These letters are not recommenced for people with liver or intestinal problems, or women who are pregnant or may become pregnant. If you experience muscle pain or weakness, contact your local physician immediately, as this may be sign of a serious side effect, most likely the attack of a former lover. Never use these letters more than once every twelve hours. Restrictions apply, results may vary. Not valid in CA, MI, or NY. $.05 deposit refundable at your local grocery store, or wherever recyclables are accepted._**)

(Nabs Note: . . . right. So, anyway, . . . on with the letters!)

**Standard Anime Break-up Form Letter for _Women_!**

(Circle one) To My Dearest Beloved/To my Love/Sensei/Hey, you/PERVERT/You ----,

(Check all that apply)

I'm sorry to have to break this to you,  
( ) on our anniversary, unfortunately,  
( ) in a letter,  
( ) without giving you the power crystals,  
( ) from a space colony, of all things,  
( ) since you're probably busy being a genius and all,  
( ) instead of breaking you,  
( ) . . . aw, screw it, I'm not sorry at all,  
( ) especially when you're doing your girlfriend (you are, aren't you! AREN'T YOU! WAAAAAAH!),

but I'm going to have to break off our  
( ) relationship  
( ) arranged/voluntary/other: ------------ marriage/engagement  
( ) love triangle  
( ) clandestine, but not really clandestine, affair  
( ) bunkmate status  
( ) business partnership  
( ) demon hunting trip  
( ) . . . well, **your** dingle-dangle,

because I no longer  
( ) love you.  
( ) enjoy your company.  
( ) have my fluffy guardian around to get us things.  
( ) think you are attractive, since the drugs wore off.  
( ) hate you.  
( ) want to hang around with your psychotic friends/fiancees.  
( ) am impressed by your unbelievably huge pecs.  
( ) live in this dimension.

I don't want to be cruel. For, you see, I  
( ) . . . we're no good for each other.  
( ) don't think the stars are in our favor.  
( ) want to see the world before I settle down.  
( ) want a role in (pick one) Shojo/Shonen/Dojinshi/Hentai comics first.  
( ) can't scrounge up any more for the medical bills I/you inflict on yourself/others.  
( ) met this interesting SI, and, well, we sort of . . . hit it off. I didn't mean to, it just happened . . . (Ramble on if necessary)  
( ) want someone who will spar with me.  
( ) am a cross dresser. (If appropriate, boldface to add:) And I dress as a girl.

(Omit following if un-needed:) I don't hate you. I did like your  
( ) mad fighting/racing/building/magical/mathmatical/ skillz.  
( ) tender heart.  
( ) comical antics.  
( ) poor sense of direction.  
( ) shapechanging ability.  
( ) lack of haircuts.  
( ) really cool nickname! (Add in if necessary) ----------------  
( ) underwear collection.

It's just that you  
( ) are never around.  
( ) spend too much time without me.  
( ) hog the covers.  
( ) keep getting those obnoxious nosebleeds on our dates.  
( ) look better as a girl than me.  
( ) shout those attack names so often.  
( ) stole my underwear, you freak!

It's for the best, though. I was never the right one for you anyway. After all, I  
( ) am never around.  
( ) could only spend a short time here anyway.  
( ) don't speak l33t.  
( ) have several million books to read.  
( ) have to hunt lots of monsters in my battle outfit.  
( ) am immortal, so I have to be sure I found the right one.  
( ) hate you.  
( ) pilot you into low atmospheric orbits on a regular occasion.

And, besides, we  
( ) will always have the good times.  
( ) can be friends still.  
( ) have space to move on in.  
( ) are telepathically linked.  
( ) will always have the big scars.  
( ) have each others siblings to pursue.  
( ) filled out a restraining order on you. Just so you know.  
( ) are starring in that pervert's lemon fanfic next week.

So, please,  
( ) find someone you truly love.  
( ) remember me only as your friend.  
( ) get off my roof.  
( ) go to the doctor's and get that growth checked out.  
( ) realize that your best friend is totally in love with you, you moron!  
( ) shut up.  
( ) fall into that crossover portal and battle ninjas/demons/space ships/turnips.  
( ) stop calling me back from the dead already.

Goodbye/Your Friend/Please Go Away/This is the end/I wish it could be different/I have plenty of blunt objects, too!

**------------------------------**

* * *

**Standard Anime Break-up Form Letter for _Men_!**

(Circle One) Dear/My Love/Hey/Oh, my Goddess/DUDE/(Enter witty letter opening here),

(Check All That Apply)

I know we have been  
( ) Lovers,  
( ) Dating,  
( ) Engaged,  
( ) Secretly meeting against our parents whims,  
( ) Married,  
( ) Trapped in some sort of "Death Tournament" together,  
( ) Dealing with me being held against my will,  
( ) Taking over the world together,

But I have something I need to say. I can't go out with you because  
( ) You and I don't get along.  
( ) My medical bills are too high.  
( ) Too many mallet bruises.  
( ) Lack of oxygen.  
( ) Wrong species.  
( ) I'm engaged to three other girls.  
( ) I need to log off of this video game.  
( ) I've lost too much blood looking at you.

It's not that I don't like you. You  
( ) Are smart.  
( ) Are beautiful.  
( ) Are energetic.  
( ) Cook me free meals.  
( ) Have a nice personality.  
( ) Wear really skimpy clothes.  
( ) Can fight well.  
( ) Don't break me free of the Earth's orbit.

However, I just can't deal with your  
( ) Family.  
( ) Unusual occupation.  
( ) Overprotective brother.  
( ) Bad animation style.  
( ) Long transformation sequence.  
( ) Battle costume.  
( ) Overly-complex and under-described origins.  
( ) Hair color.

And then, as I'm sure you remember, there was that time. That first time we  
( ) Met,  
( ) Kissed,  
( ) Went on a date,  
( ) Walked to school together,  
( ) Went to a public bath,  
( ) Saved the world,  
( ) Spent a night together, (;-D)  
( ) Had to rescue you from the evil man,

Which, afterwards, you  
( ) Smashed my head in with a table.  
( ) Slapped me across the face.  
( ) Doubled my training regime.  
( ) Blackmailed me.  
( ) Hit me with a large, blunt object from nowhere.  
( ) Blew up the world.  
( ) Said, "Wow, you suck at this."  
( ) Let me be shrunk down to a ten year old.

I'm not saying it's you, though. Because, you see, I'm  
( ) Gay.  
( ) A pervert.  
( ) Out of power crystals.  
( ) A super-pervert.  
( ) Need to transfer to the Space Colonies to fight robots.  
( ) A crazed super pervert. (BANZAI!)  
( ) not able to be hugged by a member of the opposite sex.  
( ) A crazed super pervert who's RIGHT BEHIND YOU! BWAAAAH!

Please, though, don't let this be goodby. We can still be  
( ) Friends.  
( ) Acquaintances.  
( ) Sparring partners.  
( ) Background characters.  
( ) Mortal enemies.  
( ) Defenders of the world.  
( ) Seen together in the opening animation.  
( ) Fanfic lovers.

I'm sorry it had to be this way, but it's for the best. I'll always remember you for your  
( ) Smile.  
( ) Strange attire.  
( ) Furry guardian creature.  
( ) Improvizational item throwing skills.  
( ) Sequences of implied nudity.  
( ) Super powered friends.  
( ) Psychotic professor.  
( ) Cat ears.

Yours Truly/I'll always remember you/From my heart/Goodbye/Love You/Please Don't Kill Me,

-----------------

* * *

(Nabs Note: Well, there you have it. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. That's all . . .)

(Autotyper 2000: Wow, this was like _Mad Libs_! Only dumber!)

(Nabs Note: . . . Shut up. So, anyway, thanks for coming, and, in the words of Magnus 17, "OH GOD THAT HURTS!")


	29. Kaput

**"Kaput":**

(Nabs Note: Okay, well, . . .Magnus hasn't gotten back from the hospital yet, so we're still filling in for him. Problem is, . . . we've run out of ideas already.)

(Autotyper 2000: Well, Nabs has.)

(Nabs Note: . . . So, Autotyper is going to run today's episode, because he still has some left.)

(Autotyper 2000: . . .)

(Nabs Note: Well?)

(Autotyper 2000: I hate you.)

(Nabs Note: . . . Anyway, since we're out of ideas, we figured we'd . . . um . . . we really don't know. So, we're just going to mess around with things, see if we can get an idea before Magnus comes back.)

(Autotyper 2000: So, if you smoke pot, or take hallucinogens, take 'em now to make the chapter even more trippy!)

(Nabs Note: I guess I'll do the disclaimer: We don't own _Ranma 1/2_, and we do not encourage drug use. And we're broke, both economically and mentally.)

(Autotyper 2000: Magnus is also broken physically.)

(Nabs Note: For now, enjoy this short story by Autotyper 2000 and I, called "Kaput".)

(Autotyper 2000: Everything I wrote is in _italics_, and everything Nabs wrote is in . . . uh, not italics.)

**Kaput:**

Ranma was walking down towards a . . . store down in central Tokyo. He needed to get a new school uniform because his old one was torn when he was fighting Ryoga. Of course, he wouldn't wear it, but he was required to have one. So he would. He turned the corner at an office building and . . .

_Martians invaded!_

. . . Huh?

_The UFO's flew through the sky, shooting lazer beams at everything, and stealing all the quarters from the payphones!_

. . . Martians?

_So Ranma shouted, "World! Lend me your energy so I can use the SPIRIT BOMB!"_

Except he didn't know that technique (you idiot), so nothing really happened.

_But all the Martians fled 'cuz they were scared! Ha! Stupid Martians!_

Riiiight. So, anyway, once the Martians were gone, he continued walking to the store, before Ukyo came walking down the road the other way. Both of them were shocked, meeting each other like this, when Ukyo suddenly said . . .

"_Do me now, Ranma!"_

No she didn't!

_Because it was really Akane._

No!

_Actually, it was Shampoo . . ._

NO!

_I mean, it was Ryoga, and he had . . ._

AUTOTYPER! ENOUGH!

_What?_

This is serious!

_Fine, fine, go ahead._

Ukyo suddenly said, "Ranma! I need your help!"

Rama, puzzled, replied with, "How, Ukyo?"

"You need to save the world!"

"How?"

"By defeating the evil man at the top of Tokyo Tower."

"_And then have sex with me."_

Autotyper!

_Kidding! Just kidding!_

Ranma nodded, and then began running towards the tower. He was going to save the day, because he needed to.

_And then the ninja's attacked!_

Yeah, and so, Ranma . . .

_Wait, wait, wait!_

What?

_Are you actually going along with the ninjas?_

Yeah.

_Really? You like **my** idea?_

Yes.

_Sweet! Go ahead._

Okay . . . Anyway, Ranma . . . uh, Ranma . . . uh . . .

_What?_

I forgot what I was going to say.

_Aw, damn!_

Now what?

_Uh . . . I got it!_

What?

_Suddenly, Ranma was too late, and so the world went the title. The end! (Eh? Eh? Is it a great ending or what?)_

. . . Um . . .

_I'd say we got a good shot at this year's Fanfiction awards, right, Nabs?_

. . . Whatever you say, Autotyper.

(Editor's (Magnus) Note: I would like to apologize for the previous chapter, and for it's true horrendousness. And if you were wondering, no, you weren't on drugs. That was what the chapter really was.)


	30. Points For Sale

**Points for Sale:**

Nabs sighed. "When is he getting out of the hospital?"

(Autotyper 2000: Soon, I think. But I don't know, and right now, don't care.)

Nabs sat up in the chair suddenly, turning to the laptop. "You don't care? Why?"

(Autotyper 2000: Because now I don't have to do so much, and he won't yell at me! 'Cuz he's a meanie!)

The AI shook her head. "And who was it who tortured Magnus about Nabiki?"

(Autotyper 2000: Meh. Not my problem.)

"Well, that's reassuring," she deadpanned. After a moments pause, she began to walk, heading for the back wall. Once she reached it, she turned back, and began pacing from one end of the studio to the other.

(Autotyper 2000: What's wrong, Nabs?)

"Don't wanna talk about it."

(Autotyper 2000: I think you do want to talk about it.)

"Nope, I don't."

(Autotyper 2000: Yes you do.)

The AI paused, before sighing. "Fine, I do, but not with you."

(Autotyper 2000: . . . Touche.)

KNOCK KNOCK!

Nabs immediately turned to the door. "Come in." she called out.

The door swung open. "Hello, ma'am!"A young man, Caucasian, in his early twenties, spoke out clearly and over-energetically. "Can I interest you in some magazine subscriptions?"

"No." Nabs replied instantly.

"But they're fresh off the press!"

"No."

"Some of the best photos, and some of the best models, you'll ever find!"

Nabs' eyes narrowed. "I said no thee times now. Don't make me say it again."

The man noticed a large, futuristic cannon sitting at the girl's side all of a sudden. "Well, um, I guess I'll come back when . . . uh, the other guy is here, ah . . . gottagonowbye!" SLAM!

Nabs dropped the cannon off her shoulder. She was tired of that guy always coming around and

(Editor's (Magnus) Note: Hey everybody, sorry to cut off like this. Um, we got a virus in the system, and it looks like it chewed up some of the tapes, so we lost what happened at this point. Sorry, gotta end the chapter here.)

(Second Editor's (Autotyper 2000) Note: Wow, Magnus, putting in foreshadowing and actual plot into this story. You're almost good at this, now.)

(Editor's Note: Shut up, Autotyper.)


	31. Grand Tour

**_Grand Tour_:**

Nabs sighed. "Sorry. He said he would be here by now."

Akane nodded. "Well, I've got nothing to do. Nabiki might, but I don't."

Nabiki blinked. "Oh, so you're still upset about running out on him?"

"Shut up!" her sister snapped. Nabiki just spun around once in the office chair, chuckling to herself. "I was mad, and I'm back. Better than what you've done to him!"

"Oh, and what have I done to him?"

"Have you forgotten what happened when Mousse's tower exploded?"

(Autotyper 2000: . . . Okay, now that's got to be funnier out of context!)

Nabs turned to the computer, a ruffled look in her eyes. "Shut up, Autotyper, and do the disclaimer already!"

Nabiki, not listening to her AI form, continued talking with Akane. "What about it?"

(Autotyper 2000: Sorry, sorry. Anywhozits, if Magnus 17 actually owned any of the stuff he talked about here, would he really be posting this . . . crap here on without **at least** paying for the extended services or something? He would, too. He wastes money like that all the time. You ought to see some of the socks he has had over the years.)

"You tackled him, tormented him, and made his life worse than ever!"

"I still don't see your point."

"Nabiki!"

"What?"

"You can't go around doing that to Magnus! He hasn't done anything to you, now has he! Something could happen to him if you keep this up!" Nabiki stared at her sister, before chuckling again, spinning around once. "What?"

"So, you found **another **crush, eh?" There was a dark crackle in the girl's voice.

Akane blushed. "Not at all!"

"It would work. You've never been able to get Ranma over the years. And let's not forget you lost your last 'love'. Maybe a socially challenged American kid would be right for you, sis."

"Shut up about . . ." Akane cut herself off before spouting the name, but it was clear who she wasn't upset about. "Nabiki, I told you not to bring **him **up."

Nabs peered over. "Who?"

"NOBODY!" Akane screamed suddenly, her face bright red.

Nabiki decided how much more fun this could be. "Do you still have the secret collection hidden away?"

"NABIKI! SHUT UP!"Akane was hollering as loud as she could, reaching for one of the chairs against the back wall.

"Go on, Akane." Nabiki whispered. "Tell them all about . . ."

WHAM!

"You have to help me!" Magnus screamed, a gauze patch on his cheek, running into the room and up to Nabs. "He's after me! He's going to kill me, in all his idiotic glory-less-ness!"

Akane hustled over to the writer. "What is it, Magnus?" Nabiki rose from her chair as well.

"How did you get in here?" Magnus asked, losing all seriousness.

Nabiki held up the key. "You made this for me, remember, after we got locked in the giant room of exploding fire?"

Magnus paused. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that. And we cut the scene out, too. Huh. Weird."

There was a pause. "So, what had you being saying before?"

Magnus thought for a moment, before snapping his fingers. "Oh, right. WAAAAAAGH! He's going to kill me, in all his idiotic glory-less-ness!" Magnus began running around the room, screaming and flailing his arms.

"You didn't, Magnus." Nabs replied, clenching her teeth and grabbing him on the shoulders to hold him still. Magnus nodded vigorously. "Magnus, please tell me you didn't!"

"What!" Akane pleaded.

Magnus nodded again.

"You did!" Nabs screamed, before slapping the boy across the face. "You . . . idiot! You just got out of the hospital, you're still in bandages . . ."

"Including the one you just smacked," Nabiki mused, seeing the boy standing in painful tears.

Nabs ignored her, ". . . you were on you way back, and you pissed of Vegeta! Why!"

Magnus sweated a bit. "Well, it wasn't my fault! See, I met these two kids in the lower level, the mall, you know, and they were talking about _Dragonball Z_, and how much they hated it. I joined in with the intelligent young Anime fans, and I . . . accidentally said that Vegeta was a complete loser with anger management problems."

Nabs' eyes narrowed. "He was right behind you, wasn't he?" Magnus nodded. "Great! Just perfect!"

"Nabs, you got to help me, he'll be here any second!"

The AI sighed, before nodding. Akane nodded as well. "I'll help out however I can, Magnus."

Nabiki slowly walked around the desk. "Well, I might as well help out."

"Thank you!" Magnus exasperated, starting to calm down.

Nabs nodded. "Magnus, under the desk, now. We'll distract Vegeta while **he's** on his way. Okay?" Magnus nodded, before scurrying off to the desk, dropping to his hands and knees, and crawling under it.

"He?" Nabiki asked.

"Friend of ours." Nabs replied. Suddenly, her eyes rolled back. She stood that way for a moment, her mouth moving without sound, her arms moving with slight jerks as if to emphasize some unsaid point, before she leaned forward, and then straightened.

"Nabs?"

The AI looked to the two girls, noticing that they were staring. "Sorry, I just had to call Inu Yasha. He'll be here in a second."

Akane blushed. "I-Inu Yasha?"

Nabs nodded as Nabiki smirked for some unknown reason. "Yeah, I better go get Ramen for him." The AI walked off towards the break room. Suddenly, she reappeared three feet from behind where she was, but continued walking until she made it into the break room.

Nabiki shrugged. "Well, that was odd."

As soon as the door closed, Akane spoke out. "Couldn't she just poof the ramen in?"

"THERE IS NO POOFING IN THIS" WHAM! "GAAAH! Dammit!" Magnus rubbed his head as the objects on the desk fell over.

Nabiki walked over, shoved some things around, and hopped onto it. "Moron."

"Shut up."

WHAM! "KAKA . . . I mean, MAGNUS!" an unendingly angry voice screamed into the room. The girls looked to find a spikey haired, oversized forehead covered with so many anger marks it was amazing his eyes and nose still fit on his face, despite that humungous forehead. Seriously, if he didn't have hair, you wouldn't notice it missing. He's a half cue ball, really.

Akane gulped, but the ever frozen Nabiki simply looked over at him, stone cold. "Well well, something wrong?"

"Where's Magnus! I'm gonna kill him for being . . . Kill him! RAAAAAAAH!" Waves of bright yellow energy flew into the air.

"Wow, you seem stressed."

"Oh, shut up! Where's Magnus!"

"Who's Magnus?"

"Magnus! That stupid bastard! RAAAAAGH!" More yellow energy.

"No, seriouisly, who's Magnus?"

"What, you . . . you don't know him?"

Nabiki shook her head slightly.

"Really? RAAAAAAGH!" He's like a sun.

Nabiki shook her head again.

"Oh, o - RAAAAGH! - kay. Then, I'll use this! RAAAAGH!" He pulled some sort of device, placed it over his right ear, and flipped a small green panel in front of his eye.

BTW, Vegeta's a loser.

"Hmm . . . RAAAAGH! . . . RAAAAGH! . . . okay, one hundred seventy-six, nope . . . RAAAGH! . . . thirty nine . . . nope RAAAAGH! . . . what! Huh! Gosh! RAAAAAAGH!" Vegeta was looking at the desk now. "Twenty two! What a horribly low power level!"

"Oh shut up, doofus!" Magnus said, jumping up from behind the desk. "I'm gonna start taking Tae Kwon Do lessons soon, okay!"

(Autotyper 2000: Okay, insert the quiet "You are an idiot, Magnus" breeze sound here for a few minutes. Go ahead, I'll wait. Hmm hm hmm mm mmmmm hmmm hmmmmmm. Okay, on with the show.)

"RAAAAGHI found you! RAAAAAGH! Going super saying!" Vegeta threw his hands into the air. More of that stupid yellow light. For Pete's sake, he really looks like a freaking sun!

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—"

"Um, can you finish this up soon?" Nabiki asked, still sitting on the desk.

"–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–"

Magnus sighed. "Guys, this might take a while. I saw one of their eps,"

"–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–"

"and it was all just them screaming."

"–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–"

"Let's call it a day."

"–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–"

Vegeta likes yaoi.

Starring in it, we mean.

For free.

Kuz we hate him like that.

Yeah, Vegeta sucks.

(Autotyper 2000: Today's non-objective text provided by FanfictionCo's Autotyping system Insult-o-tron Plugins! Converts video to text just like a normal Autotyping program, but now adds insults to people you mark off! TRY IT!)

He likes fish sticks. Made of human flesh. Which would mean they really aren't fish sticks, then, doesn't it?

(Editor's note (I.E. Magnus, Autotyper, and Nabs): Well, this episode does take a while, so we're splitting it. Stay tuned for the conclusion next time. And for those of you looking forward to the upcoming battle, expecting Vegeta and other fighters battling to be exciting, go watch fishing on TV. Guys, this is _DBZ_. It is NOT exciting, at **all **points! Go watch _FMA _or _Bleach _or something cool. Hell, even the _Ranma ½ _anime is better than _DBZ_, although that's not by much, . . . but still.)

"–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–"


	32. DBZ Means Don’t Buy um, ZIS!

**DBZ (Means Don't . . . Buy . . . um, _ZIS!_)**

(Autotyper 2000: Welcome back everyone! Sorry about cutting you off like that last time. We promise to be more courteous to you in the future and make sure that there are no more cruel, plot hanging moments like that because I am talking right out of my ass and making all this up right in your face!)

(Autotyper 2000 (again!): Well, now that I got that out of my system, let's start with everyone's favorite thing, the disclaimer! We don't own anything by Rumiko Takahashi or anyone else whom we quote here. Also, due to budget cuts, we are now also broke. For those of you wondering where our budget is or why it was cut, please direct your attention to the left so I can knock you out stealthily, in order to prevent other people from realizing we haven't said anything about that. Because we don't use extortion for any of this, people, and that's a **fact**!)

(Autotyper 2000 (still me): So, now back to our irregularly scheduled program!)

(Autotyper 2000 (BWAH HA HA!): So where were we? Oh, yes, of course! Please)

(Autotyper 2000 (and again and again and again): enjoy)

(Autotyper 2000 (last one): the show!)

(Autotyper 2000 (or not): . . . )

(Autotyper 2000 (wha?): Actually, that should have been the last one. Aw well!)

(Autotyper 2000 (snaps!): Enjoy!)

"–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–"

(Autotyper 2000 (seriously!): Has Vegetable gotten annoying yet? Cuz, if you ask me, he's just getting warmed up.)

Magnus stepped back, shielding his eyes against the light. "Aw man, this is bad." He glanced to the door to the rest of the world. "Where is – "

(Autotyper 2000 (enough, doofus): I know you didn't ask me, but really, he's just an annoying bastard, constantly screaming and breaking the story up with his dumb stuff.)

" – InuYasha?!" He turned back towards the other room. "Nabs!"

"–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–"

(Autotyper 2000 (groan): See, just like that! And now the whole story is interrupted with all these letters, breaking up your train of thought, getting in the way, wasting time, being totally useless like Magnus on a Saturday night, because he's the ultimate loser in –)

"Autotyper!" Magnus shouted, turning to the computer. "Will you please stop?!"

(Autotyper 2000 (sigh): All right, all right, fine!)

Magnus turned towards the break room. "Nabs!"

"–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA– "

The force of the energy was starting to grow out of control, winds starting to whip out from the center of the room. The desk slid back, the floor buckled and cracked, and the light grew brighter. "Nabs! Get in here!"

"–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**KAAA–BOOOOOOOOOOM!!**

Vegeta, now with bright blond hair standing up in some sort of hair column, crackling with electricity. (Autotyper 2000 (but of course, right?): Electricity, huh? He's an eel! WAAAAH! Run away from the scary eel man! Eel-ly Eel-ly Banana Fanna Fo Feelie!) He turned face the writer, still shouting for Nabs. "You!"

Magnus irked. _Ohdamnohdamnohdamnohdamnohdamnohdamnohdamnohdamn!_

"Hey, why's your hair all grey?" Nabiki asked, pointing at Vegeta.

"What?!" He snarled, reaching up and grabbing his hair, while also losing his concentration and shifting back to non-super-sayan-level-whateverthef---itis. "Dammit!" he said, realizing he lost his super-ness.

(Autotyper 2000 (hee-hee): If he's so super, why's he got to run around screaming like a little girlie all the time?)

Vegeta turned back to Magnus, snapping his arms to his side and grunting. The super-ness returned.

Magnus blinked. "Hey, if you could do that the whole time, why the hell did you scream for so long?"

"Time to die!" Vegeta powered up a shot of energy between his hands.

"Eep!"

Alane shouted some sound, Nabiki stepped back and covered her face, and Magnus froze in place, gritting his teeth and readying for the end.

WHAM! "WIND SCAR!"

SHOOOM!

Vegeta was blown back into the wall as the bright waves of energy, the floors cracking more as the walls were smashed inwards, although they seemed to hold. He pulled himself back up only to see someone wearing bright red robes with silver hair and . . . dog ears bearing down on him with a large sword. One of the girl's has screamed, but neither warrior paid it any mind.

Rolling aside, the sword crashed into the ground, and Vegeta returned to his feet. InuYasha, barely even registering the fact that he missed, twisted the sword around and slashed across. "Gotcha!"

SCHWIFF!

Vegeta jumped out of the way in time, floating up into the air until he was a good ten meters up.

"He . . . he can fly?!" InuYasha shouted. "No, what is he doing?!"

There was no hesitation in Vegeta. "I don't know who you are, but this is the end!"

The demon scowled. "Yeah?!" He crouched, about to jump, "You're gonna feel real stupid when I jam–"

"Relax, InuYasha, just let him do his thing." Magnus said, patting him on the shoulder with a relieved sigh.

"What?"

"Just watch." He pointed back at Vegeta.

A large ball of energy formed in the Sayan's hand. "Big Bang . . ." Waves of energy began to wash the room in color again.

InuYasha nodded, smirking and readying his sword. "Oh, I got ya now, Magnus."

"ATTACK!" The shot doubled in size, before launching from Vegeta's hand. It barreled down towards InuYasha, a bomb of immensely humongous amounts of pure energy-like substitute, good for filler as action sequences in craptacular shows. (Autotyper 2000 (doesn't that rock!): I thought of that one!)

InuYasha smirked, before swinging the sword directly into the shot. "BACKLASH WAVE!"

KA-BWAM!

(Autotyper 2000 (cuz nobody cares): So, the Wind Scarf turns and fires back the Big Bang Attack into Veggie with the power of that and the Wind Scarf together, Vag--a is blown out through the roof in typical spread eagle twirl before disappearing as a bright star into the empty sky. Back to the story now.)

"All right InuYasha!" Magnus said, doing a victory dance because he can.

The half-demon smirked. "Yeah, that guy was nothing. I can tell why you hate that show so much, Magnus."

All of a sudden, they heard slow, gentle clapping in the background. "Good job, Inu-chan."

InuYasha's ears pricked up immediately; he turned to the voice, raising the Tetsaiga to guard himself. "Nabiki! What are **you **doing here?!"

"Oh, nothing really. Yourself?"

Magnus blinked. "You two know each other?"

"Yeah, we do." InuYasha mumbled, adding "not happily," just loud enough for Magnus to hear.

Nabiki shrugged. "Well, no harm done, since neither of you two told me you knew each other. So I guess it's even."

"But, . . ." Magnus began, "how do you know each other?"

The door to the break room opened. "Okay, Magnus . . . what the hell happened in . . . oh, hello InuYasha."

The demon turned that way, noticing a very similar looking girl holding a large bag. "Hey Nabs. Is that . . ."

"Yep, sure is. Thirty instant ramens, as promised." She hurled the bag over to him.

He grabbed it in one hand, slinging it over his left shoulder. Using his right hand, he sheathed the heavy sword, before gripping the bag with both hands. "Gotta go. Sorry I can't stick around, Magnus, but Rumiko's got us battling halfway across Japan today, so I gotta hurry."

"Well, thanks for coming by. I owe you one."

"Yeah, you do." InuYasha smirked and bounded off, making sure he never looked at the desk, knocking the door open and disappearing out it. The door swung and sat half open.

"Have fun Inu-chan!" Nabiki shouted, before sighing, "They're still the same as always." She walked off towards the computer.

Magnus turned to the AI walking into the room. "Hey, Nabs? Was something wrong with your hearing before?"

"Why do you ask?" She replied, straighting out the cracks in the floor and the gaping hole in the ceiling.

"I called for you and you didn't show up."

Nabs paused, pondering, before shaking her head. "Temporary glitch, I suppose." She closed her eyes, locked in concentration; the repairs ceased half-way. "I can't see anything wrong with the programming right now."

Nabiki raised her hand, then smacked the top of the desk with a solid WHAM!

SMACK! "Yeow!"

Nabiki shook her head. "Nice one, Akane." There was a mumble. "It's all right, it's all right, he's gone. You can come out now."

Pushing the chair aside, Akane crawled out from the alcove in the desk, before leaning back and standing up. She refused to look at anyone, rubbing her head, but her face was red and her mouth and eyes were firmly shut. "Thank you." she said after a few moments.

"No problem, sis." Nabiki waited, simply watching her sister. Akane's mouth began to twist as if she was about to shout something. Perfect. "So, what kind of fantasies did –"

"SHUT UP!" Akane pointed an accusing finger at Nabiki, who began to laugh as she walked off across the room. Akane then turned away and sat on the edge of the desk, arms crossed.

Magnus and Nabs stared at Nabiki, then Akane, then back to Nabiki, who stopped in front of them, quickly composing herself. "Nabiki, what's going on?" Nabs asked.

"Oh, nothing. Just Akane thinking . . ."

"I SAID SHUT UP!" Akane screamed, grabbing the chair next to her and hurling it at Magnus and Nabiki, who happened to be standing next to each other.

Magnus dived forward. "Look out!" he shouted, pushing Nabiki out of the way. Both of them crashed onto the floor as the chair bounced harmlessly into the wall past them.

Nabiki groaned. "Well, that wasn't exactly painless either, Magnus, but thanks for trying," she said to the boy laying on top of her now.

"Eh, oops . . . sorry 'bout that." He started to lift himself up off of her and the floor.

KA-CHINK!

(Autotyper 2000 (uh-oh, spagetti-o's!): Okay, cutting it off here wasn't planned . . . entirely. Once again, it was just getting long. But, to be totally honest, since you have to wait until the next chapter to find out what happens . . . sucks to be you!)


End file.
